Introducing myself

[Mononc]

Hi, I'm a middle age man who was diagnosed with complex PTSD some years ago due to working for over 2 decades in the security industry.

There are not specific event that gave me PTSD, just an accumulation of things: being threatened with beating / stabbing / shooting, having to talk down jumpers, having to physically restrain guys trying to bash their girlfriend / wife, the odd hostage taking and just too many number of times having to deal with aggressive drunks, junkies and generally unpleasant people.

Because of the PTSD, I tend to have what the therapist called "Hypervigilance" and what my wife calls "Guard Mode". I find it nearly impossible to just relax, unless I'm quite drunk, and when going out with my wife, I will tend to just keep "vigilant" around us in case of troubles, something which is heightened if someone is being loud or disruptive.

Following my diagnostic, I tried to get therapy including 2 years ago seeing an Anger Management therapist. I haven't really found any of it helpful and am now trying to find way I can get better by myself so I don't start crying or raging out of nowhere. I've also tried various medecine and dosage but either they don't have any effect or else they make me so drowsy the next day that I can't do anything useful for half of the day. I also tried yoga but honestly, the whole gentle talking / supernatural talk made me more annoyed than anything.

I'm mainly looking for things I could do by myself to try to get myself to not crying or raging so easily so that I can fix other parts of my life.

[HappyHelper88]

Hi There thankyou for your post and welcome,

I also experience complex PTSD from childhood trauma
Im sure all those confronting experiences have definitely affected you after being exposed to it for so long.

I have also experienced the hypervigilance and I have become hypersensitive to loud noises and bright lights and I am constantly on the lookout for danger, I don't relax and its like being in flight or flight mode constantly, I don't experience this much anymore.

Have you tried seeing a different therapist? did you connect with this one as I had 2 years of therapy and I found it beneficial but you have to find the right therapist as they arent always a match
I completed CBT and Schema Therapy which helped but the biggest improvement was from doing my own development at home
I worked on myself including learning my triggers, becoming more self aware, learning to control my anxiety and my emotional reactivity and among other things
You could try and do some research at home on various topics on healing from PTSD and trauma it is a difficult journey but it definelty can be done
I hope this helps