Insult to Injury

[Lara010]

Hello,

I am new to the forum and not used to discussing these topics. but I am going to try.. Maybe someone could offer some advice which will help.

I am in an uncomfortable situation where I allowed myself to become dependent on someone. Mostly this is ok and we have a calm relationship but there are some incidents which usually revolve around discussions on family. My partner is foreign and emigrated to Australia and recently told me his parents were visiting from northern Europe and would arrive the next day. It was a surprise and he and his family had been planning for months.

His parents are very sarcastic, rude and literally everything they say to me is intended to be cruel. I try to be polite and the situation leads to stress which boils over. It did last night (his parents are not staying with us but invited themselves over yesterday) and after they left, without having eaten all day, I drank and became angry and had a fight which escalated.

I live in a rural area but with another house on the property and very close by. We do not have too many discussions with the neighbours as they are inconsiderate. My partner and I are generally very quiet and last night our fight was one of the only times we became loud.

I was yelling "Ow Ow Ow" as he assaulted me and this morning as the two children next door were on their trampoline they appeared to be mimicking what they apparently heard. Kids can make all kinds of noise of course but this seemed pretty specific and I know their mother has encouraged them to make fun of me before.

I feel horrified that a fight escalated like that. I know that I need to improve my situation but am also remote, don't have a car besides the one my partner takes to work and and am probably dealing with children making a mockery of domestic violence. I am sure this situation will pass but I am ashamed. To leave the property I need to pass the other house and it seems that the people there find this funny. I generally look like I have my life together I think, even if I don't but I hate to think anyone could find a bad situation so funny.

I do not have a relationship with my own family or too many people to reach out to as I live in a state which is new to me and I basically manage the property we're on.

Is there anything I can do to keep my head up? Leaving is not easy in the short term and while I do live here I want to block out what is going on. Thank you to anyone who reads this and can offer some suggestions.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Lara010,

We are so sorry to hear about this uncomfortable situation you’re in. Please know we take reports of abuse seriously and are concerned about your wellbeing. We’ve asked our Support Service to check in with you via email to ensure that you’re safe. We're here to support you as much as you need, and we’d urge you to continue to reach out for help.  If you are in immediate danger, please call 000.
 
If you are not in immediate danger, we'd suggest reaching out to 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732/ https://www.1800respect.org.au/ ) who offer counselling and support services for anyone experiencing family violence and abuse.
 
Keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it.

[Croix]

Dear Lara010~

I see Sophie_M has already responded which is good, I think you need support now.

It seems from reading your post that you are being victimized on several fronts none of your making. Blowing up after a completely unacceptable session with your in-laws is simply human, and frankly I believe that it was a good thing to do, much better than meekly knuckling under.

I beleive the drink to be a side issue, at least for now.

You have a 'partner' who does not put you first in his life. Any good partnership, and I have been blessed with two, you need to feel the other person will always put you first, and sadly that is not happening here. He regards his relationship with his parents as the important thing, and you are expected to fit in.

Why his parents are toxic I've no idea, perhaps they feel their son should not be with you. I suspect I would agree, you are far too good for him and his family. Trying to be polite is very civilized, but they do not deserve it .

I'm afraid this has all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship, and physically hurting you is simply not on - ever - under any circumstances.

If he continues please call the cops.

The ignorant neighbors? Try to see them for what they are.

I think from the tone of your message you do not wish to remain -please forgive me if I am wrong. 1800RESPECT has been suggested - a very good thing. I would think at present you feel there a mountain of difficulties in extracting yourself from this situation, they can point out practical help.

Your self respect and a place to live without abuse are most important. Already you are starting to feel guilty - this is human nature for some reason, and totally misplaced. The fault is with the others. The longer you remain in this situation I beleive the more eroded your own perception of your worth will become. One can end up powerless.

Anger is a good fuel, as I've found. A motivator to do things one finds hard.

Can you establish relation long distance with your family? Any support at the moment would be a great help and relief.

Please come back and talk more, we are here for you.

Croix