in need of a direction

[hazygrey]

Hello,

I need to get my life back on track, in pretty much every area you can think of. Past trauma means I'm absolutely rubbish at talking about my problems.. I saw a counsellor once & that one session only cemented my views on what a bad idea it is to talk about your problems. So my question is how do you figure out what to focus on first? The stress, anxiety, long-term depression, sleeplessness, fear, the past trauma, the damage I'm doing to my relationship, the unemployment, or the body itself (in total need of an overhaul!) I had a beautiful doctor who I saw but she is no longer practicing and since I have severe whitecoat hypertension I would rather try and get through this without seeing a doctor.

thankyou in advance x

[Bear1922]

Hi Hazygrey,

Welcome to the Forum.

I’m afraid there is only one way through the quagmire of very powerful emotions that you are enduring.

You must seek the help of a trauma focused psychologist or psychiatrist to guide you through the emotional tumult. A great starting point is the Centre Against Sexual Assault (CASA); google them.

I wish there was a magic solution to the raw devastation BUT there Isn’t.

Wishing you every success & peace on your journey.

Bear

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi hazygrey,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for being here. I'm glad that you're looking at getting yourself some help and finding a direction; it's not easy.

With what to focus on first, sometimes it is like pulling a piece of string - with everything you've described, I'm imagining that these things are meshed together. No matter what you start to work on, it will all have a knock on effect to each other. In therapy, there is no right place to start.

Would you be open to seeing a counsellor again? How do you plan to work through this on your own?

RT

[Alexlisa]

Hello Hazygrey,

Welcome to the forums. I’m really glad you’re here ☺️

I’m sorry you had a negative experience when you saw the counsellor. It can take some time to find someone who you click with and who has the skills to help. Like Romantic-Thi3f said, I think it’s important to consider seeing someone again. A psychologist can be amazingly helpful in helping you to sort through the complicated list of things you want to work on; to help develop a plan that works for you; and support you in dealing with the trauma you experienced. It can be so hard to move forward with our lives when we’re dealing with mental health symptoms, like those from trauma. You deserve to be supported in this area and I hope you’ll consider getting help as a priority.

You asked what’s best to work on first and that’s tough to know. But generally it’s best to focus on the basics first. So, getting enough sleep (and in a good sleep routine), eating a healthy and nourishing diet and getting some exercise most days. I know it can be difficult to get into and maintain these kind of positive routines, especially when you’re not working, so have lost that external routine. But it’s so important to get the basics set up, to give yourself the best shot of dealing with the rest.

It sounds like you’re very overwhelmed by the number of areas you want to work on, and also what’s most important to you. Something that can be really helpful is to get your thoughts out of your head by writing them down. Journaling and writing lists can be so useful in helping organise our thoughts. I find it so useful when I want to work on something myself and am feeling overwhelmed by my own thoughts and confusion. Some things that are useful are writing out pros and cons. Or you could give each area a title and write out all your thoughts in point-form, to simplify them.

I hope this is helpful. You’re doing brave and positive work facing this. Every little step is good work, so give yourself the pat on the back you deserve.

Take care,
Alexlisa

[CKS]

Dear Hazygrey

Writing is a fantastic idea! And i think it would help you greatly to write about your experiences in life...with particularly emphasis on your trauma. Then take this to your next appointment. This way you won't have to talk about it, he/she can get the picture and details from your document. He/she will then know what to do for you. What advice you need and suggestions about a plan of attack. You may have to see a psychiatrist also (you can give them the document to) to prescribe appropriate medications for you.

Yes its true, sometimes it can take a few attempts before you find the best person for you. Don't give up.

I also think you should ask these people for a recommendation of a book for you to read. Nothing heavy... but something to do with improving your self worth.

I think it would also be worthwhile to do a bit of research about COMPLEX PTSD. See how you feel after reading it. It wouldn't surprise me if you can relate to the severity of the symptoms.

When my life was a mess I only thought of myself as hopeless, helpless, angry, ugly, bitter etc etc. But one day i realised that i had good qualities too. I just wasn't prepared to recognise them. So i forced myself to write about it. This poem came from that writing exercise. Its called The Sum of Me.

Come hither thine spirit
Bring forward thy soul
Let the sum of me
Live as a whole
It’s okay, don’t be afraid
Bring it all together
Don’t pick one piece
I want you to see it all
For the sum of me
Is worth so much more
Come forward all aspects of me
Come just as you are
No pretense shall you bring
Please also deliver the child within
Come hither thine spirit
Bring forward thy soul
Let the sum of me
Live as a whole
Fears and regrets galore
Old scars and new wounds let me see you
Anger and resentment are welcome too
I need to have all of you
Happiness and blissful memories
Love and tender qualities
You need to be at the fore
So, you can dance together for forever more
Come hither thine spirit
Bring forward thy soul
Let the sum of me
Live as a whole
Now all of you are here
The sum of me appears
What sheer beauty has been achieved
My mind and heart are so relieved
Take a look at me, everyone
I’m proud of it all
I may not be perfect
But now I stand tall
Come hither thine spirit
Bring forward thy soul
Let the sum of me
Live as a whole
The sum of me is wondrous
I can hardly believe it’s me
I consider myself a beauty
Whom I love with such intensity.

We look forward to hearing from you again.

CK