I'm not coping well

[hjh]

to start off with, I am very much an animal person and have always been around them. About 5 days ago i was driving home the same way i always do. i wasn't speeding or distracted but out the side of my eye i saw a blur and then felt my car go over something, when i looked in the revision mirror i saw the most beautiful black and white cat pulling itself off the road. it had hit my back wheel and the wheel had crushed its back legs. i burst into tears and pulled over straight away. by the time i got out of the car this older man and a girl had stopped as well. the poor cat was in excrusiating pain, trying to move away from me but was unable to.it was gasping for air and whining. i couldn't stop crying and couldn't breathe properly. all that pain had been inflicted by me. i ran to my car and grabbed a towel and the older man helped me wrap the cat up. by this time my mum had arrived because i knew i was in no state to drive. i sat in the back of the car with the cat who was shaking and gasping for air. the poor cat stopped making the whining sounds about two minutes away from the vet and i started to freak out but when i got out mum said she saw it move so i thought we could save her/him. the vet rushed the cat out the back and we waiting. she finally came out and said the cat had died. i have never felt so guilty and terrible in my whole life. i am the reason this poor cat is dead and i feel as though i cannot forgive myself. i keep thinking what might have happened if i had left 2 minutes later, or if i swerved or braked more. i feel sick all the time, i feel unmotivated and i have such a negative frame of mind. i know i did everything i could to help but i feel as though there is so much more i should have done. i killed an innocent animal.

[An_Aging_Youngster]

Hello hjh,

Welcome to this forum, and thank you for sharing that terrible experience.

Yes, innocent animals die, and there is often nothing we can do about it.

Please know that everybody who reads your post will know that you did everything that you possibly could for that poor cat, and they will know you for the kind and caring person that you are.

We sometimes ask too much of ourselves, and I am as guilty of that as anybody else. I must content myself with knowing that I could not have done anything more.

If you can, try not to be too hard on yourself.

I am unsure about whether or not I should write what follows, but I will in the hope that it helps to put things into perspective ...

A lion that preys on and kills innocent antelope cares only for its own stomach. As humans, we have the capacity to care for other species, as you have so wonderfully demonstrated.

I acknowledge your humanity, and I thank you for sharing it.

Go well,
AAY

[Croix]

Dear Hjh~

Welcome here to the forum, a place where many will completely understand how you feel. It was a really bad thing to happen, made worse of course because the poor cat suffered.

I guess in life we are handed situations not of our making that make us feel great regret and unhappiness. Learning how to cope with these is a skill we have to try to learn.

I can see many things straight away you did right. You did not swerve and make other cars swerve too, maybe causing a crash. You stopped and then you gave what assistance you could, taking the cat to the vet, and you were sensible enough to let someone else drive.

One can always play 'what if'. It does not help. Telling yourself you had no choice and it simply happened will not make you feel better now either - even though you know it was true. Despite that the memories keep on coming.

I'd suggest that being prepared to distract yourself from those memories and letting time dull things is the way to go.

To do this when the memories intrude try to focus on something else, just something you can look at -a leaf -a cloud, a bit of the wall, it does not matter, you are trying to get into the present and away from the past (being grounded).

Try to move away from the immediate area, perhaps even go for a walk. Breath steadily and deeply, not fast. Talk with someone. Plus have patience.

Being unmotivated and negative is to be expected, you have had a most unpleasant shock. You may feel you do not deserve it but do things you enjoy, it's not being selfish, it is treating the memories. I use books, movies, pets and exercise.

Unfortunately I live in a a rural area where there is a lot of road-kill. I've sadly been the instrument for running over wild animals from time to time. It is not something you can prepare for, just driving cautiously is all one can do, and even so it happens.

I hope the worst of it passes quickly for you

Croix

[Roseby]

Dear Hjh

i want to pass my deepest condolences to you. To experience let alone witness it must be an overwhelming event to go through.

you are experiencing very normal postrauma emotions and cognitions.

This demonstrates that you are human.

And your experiences post accident indicates that you experience emotional pain very deeply. Again, normal.

you did everything you could to save that animal. Please allow your cognitions confirm this your mind.

This accident was horrific for you I acknowledge your sorrow.

Perhaps when you are ready, you could explore a way to honour yourself and this animals soul? Drawing, painting, a song, etc

thank you for sharing your story with us

regards

j.roseby