I dont count.

[Toolate]

I just want some advice as to who i should see. I dont feel comfortable seeing my family doctor, but I need help. Typing is so easy, but I probably wont post , but I was abused at 8. Hid it for many years in my mind locker. Now I've turned 50 and its breaking at the seams. Affecting my life and family. Im self medicating but I am suffering. Im on the way down. Is there a proffession that doesn't need referrals ? That could help ? I dont know. I have a wife and 6 kids and im letting them down daily. I am self employed so work every day and i am struggling mentally but hiding behind what everyone believes is a happy, funny family man. I have no joy in me. No excitement nor sadness. I am dead inside. I find it hard to talk so if anyone knows what route I should take I would appreciate it.

Thank you.

Im not gonna post this am I?

[Croix]

I'm not going to use that untrue name - so:

Dear NotToolate~

Welcome here - I'm very glad indeed you actually pressed 'POST' and all you have to say is here safe and sound.

Being 50 with these problems is not a lost cause, far from it. You have life experience, know yourself and have a family to love - and I expect that love is returned. I find it hard to believe you are really letting them down, more likely you may be doing things as a reaction to what's inside. Putting on a face while dead inside is so common, I've done it too.

Trying to live with that knowledge inside of you is a very great burden and has left it's mark on you.

The first stage in getting better is to seek medical help. What you have to deal with is too big for someone alone - as you are finding out. My approach would be to go to another GP, not your family doctor if you would be uncomfortable there. Book a long appointment and talk about how you feel and if you can, about what has happened in the past.

If it is difficult to talk about then write it all down first and share the paper.

While you may feel terrible and also isolated from everyone you are not alone and effective help is there.

If you feel you wanted to start somewhere else I'd suggest giving our 24/7 Help Line a ring, they may be able to point you towards services in your area.

Things can get better, I hope you now feel welcome enough to return and talk more

Croix

[Blue_Jane]

Hi there

Welcome to our forums...it is really brave of you to reach out and share what is going on with you. Hopefully you found it useful to type out what is going on?

Croix's suggestions are great. You can see a counsellor without a referral but the best first step is the non family GP as they might have some other ideas. They might want to do a blood test and ask some questions about your medical history.

How do you feel about talking to your wife? You don't have to explain everything but at least let her know that things are not 100% but you are looking into it? From personal experience, the extra support makes a big difference.

In the meantime remember what you have achieved - a family and a business. Reflect on that, you and your wife have made that happen and it is a huge positive.

Blue Jane