I don't know if I actually have PTSD

halomusic · ‎12-06-2021

Last year I had sex with this boy I'd been talking to for months. (we were both 13) I really liked him and trusted him and he'd said he loved me and I believed him. At the time it happened, he told me he liked another girl and I thought that was ok. After it, he kept ignoring me and blocked me a couple of times, syaing I was "too clingy", "attention seeking" and "annoying". I completely believed it all. I then got really depressed becuase of what he said to me and considered suicide. I told the boy and he said that I should and it's a good idea. One night after he'd blocked me again I tried to end my life. But it's a year later and I'm alive. I think I forgive the boy but i'm not sure because I still can't do some things or think about certain things because of what he did to me. For example, he used to play basketball, and up until 2 weeks ago, I still couldn't sit at a basketball game without havign a panic attack. I'm not sure if this is PTSD or what but I know it was traumatic for myself. Also, I have autism so I'm already not good at relationships so I'm not great at seeing red flags and things and now i'm worried that because my first romantic/sexual relationship was literally only sex and then isolation that's what I expect from the rest of my relationships which is bad because I'm almost 15 and I still don't know how to have a healthy relationship. But idk if it really is PTSD or not. I know I was in denial for a long time that the boy didn't cause my depression, but now I know he at least triggered it so, yeah. does anyone know what i should do?

Sophie_M · ‎12-06-2021

Hey halomusic,

We are so sorry to hear what you've been through, and that upon telling someone you trusted about these suicidal thoughts, they caused you immense pain and offered no support. We can only imagine how hurtful and traumatic this must have been for you, and please know that you don't have go through this alone. Our community are here for you to help offer as much advice, support and conversation as you need through this. We are also currently reaching out to you privately to check in with you and offer some extra support.

We think it would really help to talk to your psychologist about these thoughts and feelings, as they will be able to help you work through this, and may be able to assist in identifying a potential diagnosis. We'd also encourage you to talk these feelings through with the understanding counsellors at 1800RESPECT who have a lot of experience offering support to those who have been through trauma, and are also available to you 24/7 on 1800 737 732, or also through online chat at https://www.1800respect.org.au/

Our friends at Kids Helpline are also here for you anytime on 1800 55 1800, or also through their webchat here: https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling and can help talk through these thoughts and feelings with you. They can also help in connecting you to further supports if this is something you may be interetsed in.

Please feel free to keep us updated on your journey here on your thread whenever you feel up to it- we're all here for you.

Ggrand · ‎12-06-2021

Hello halomusic,

I would also like to give you a warm welcome to our forums..

I am so sorry for what you went through..

Having suicidal thoughts and 2 attempts really does need professional help..to help you and your mental health..

We cannot diagnose here as we are people like you have our own mental health issues...but are well enough to try to support other people like you on the forums..

Our lovely Sophie has given you some great contacts..Please don’t be afraid to contact those numbers..because the people you talk to are very understanding and caring..

halomusic..One of the best ways to try to manage your unhealthy thoughts are..when they start talking to you..you need to try to turn them off by doing something you like..could be listening and singing along to your favourite groups..doing a hobby you like...

Are you able to talk to your parents, or an Aunty or someone that you trust to help you organise a Dr. appointment so you can talk to the Dr about your unhealthy thoughts?...Your Dr can help you with a mental health care plan if needed....

Talk here anytime..We are here for you..

My kindest thoughts..

Grandy..

halomusic · ‎13-06-2021

Thank you for your support.

I am seeing a psychologist and counsellor at the moment but I'm just worried I'm overthinking it because it happened over a year ago and it only sometimes affects me.

Anyway, thank you so much, it's great to have people support me externally.

romantic_thi3f · ‎15-06-2021

Hi halomusic,

Thank you for reaching out here and sharing what you've been through. I'm sorry and it's awful reading about the boy who told you that you should consider suicide; it sounds like you've gone through so much within the last year.

With your question about PTSD, it's not always clearcut. Only a therapist can give you a diagnosis, but sometimes things can be traumatic and traumatising without actually giving you the diagnosis of PTSD. This is often the case when it doesn't feel 'constant', as often with PTSD it is a sense of feeling constant. Both are valid, both are understandable, and both can be managed with therapy.

Have you talked to your psychologist and counsellor about it? I think it would be really helpful and I don't think you're overthinking it. Nobody should ever have to go through that experience and it might even help to talk about healthy relationships too so that you feel more comfortable ?

Hope this helps a little

rt