I don't know how to make it stop

[Bailey18]

I am a victim of domestic violence perpetrated my ex-husband.
My 5 year old is impacted.
His medical and therapeutic teams are impacted
My current parter is impacted.
My abuse started after the relationship ended. I ended things and got a DVO because he couldn'tet go, and his life's mission is to pretty much destroy me, and it's working. I feel broken.
Most of my abuse is systemic as he knows he can't directly abuse me, so he does things like make frivolous complaints about my sons teachers to the board of education, reporting our GP to the medical board, calling the police to say I abused him even when he chooses to live 2 states away, calling child safety to say I've abused my son.

Yesterday I had the Police at my door because he wants to remove my son from the DVO. I have to court to court in January. He put in an IO application against my parter to say that he is intimidating and we have to go to court in January for that also. They have never physically met! My partner has a disability and isn't a threat to anyone.

We are also fighting in the family court and have a court report in my favour outlining my ex husbands mental health issues and indactsting that he us domestically violent, and recommends reduced time but our trial is 9 months away. No one will acknowledge this report until then.

Between all the lies and court cases and I am being mentally, financially and emotionally drained. My son is being affected because his therapy team are pulling out. They don't want to lose their registrations over my ex complaints.

I keep screaming out for help and no one can help me, especially not the Police. Everytime I go to them he just gets smarter and more covert.

Now that the borders are open, I genuinely fear that he will hurt my son during a visit one day just to hurt me.

I am scared and drained and no one can help me. I've reached out to DV specialists, lawyers, psychologists, and even my local MP who can do nothing for me.

The only thing I've been told I can possibly do is put in an injunction with my lawyer tonstop him from talking to my sons specialists but it will cost me $20k with no hope of success. That is on top of the $65k I already have to pay in legal fees next year that I can't afford. I tried. I even sold items in my house, saved frugally, even started a go fund me and nothing worked. I'm.drowning financially, which is his goal I'm sure.

I don't know how to make the abuse stop.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Bailey18,

Thanks for reaching out here once again. We know it isn't easy but it is so important that you have. We're sorry to hear how much your current situation is affecting you. We want you to know we're here to provide you with as much support, advice, understanding and conversation as you need.

As you know, while the peer support offered here by our wonderful, caring online forums community is often quick, it is not immediate. For more immediate support we strongly recommend you reach out to our friends at https://www.1800respect.org.au/. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1800 737 732 and by webchat if you feel more comfortable typing than talking: https://chat.1800respect.org.au/#/welcome

You can also reach out to the qualified mental health professionals at our Support Service anytime day or night on 1300 22 4636 for brief counselling, support and referrals suited to your needs.

Once again, welcome back to our valued forums community. Please check in and let us know how you are getting on whenever you feel up to it.

[Croix]

Dear Bailey18~

I'm afraid I could not find your previos posts, my lack of search skills I guess. I would however imagine they might be along the same lines as this one, you and your family being persecuted

It is no good me making suggestions about outside bodies that might help stop your ex, I am sure you would have exhausted every avenue one could think of, and faced a huge financial burden in the process.

On the legal side all I can suggest is you gather what evidence you can in an effort to show a concerted line of action and his metal health history. This -and yoou are probably doing all these already- is obtaining copies (certified where possible) of any paper trail he may have left -the complaint re you doctor could be a good example.

If you can get several matters dealt with at the same time. then use records of any paper trail plus police records of his complaints (for false reports charges) and even old medical records if you can find them, together with anything else you can think of, don't rely upon a lawyer to think of it all, I'm afraid you have to be your own evidence gatherer.

A journal would be excellent as would any photos if he approached you or your family (get copies certified right away).

I'm sure you would be doing most of this already.

All of the above is simply prudent legal practice, it is no help in stopping him now and I know this. However I wanted to get it out the way.

Now you cannot control him, but you had a chance of controlling yourself, and maybe even members of your family. The idea being drawing a boundary around the larger picture and trying to concentrate on things in life htat help by distracting, by occupying and even by enjoying. It might be a binge on iView or SBS's streaming services, it might be learning music, I've no idea, but you can see where I'm heading.

I've PTSD, bouts of depression and constant anxiety. If I go to the movies I can most often escape all of that for a while and even have a calming effect afterwards for a while. A book chapter might do that for me, it might for you. Two lives, dealing with his latest action in one, trying for a normal life with enjoyment wherever you can in the other.

I'm well aware this might not sound like much, however it is something.

Incidentally I'd recommend the free smartphone app Smiling Mind to stop from concentrating continuously on worries.

Do you have any ideas?

Do you have medical support during this time of stress also the care of family or friends?

Croix