Dear Larn~
I'll join Tony in welcoming you here. You sound in a very tough situation.
When you are in an abusive relationship your thinking can get blurred, being told the same put-downs and insults time and time again can make you doubt your one ideas and feelings. Add to that PTSD, depression and anxiety and you are really in no position to resist.
One of the reasons such relationships continue is because the woman has no money, nowhere to go, and no confidence in being able to make it.
In order to at least give yourself a breathing space away from all this you do need to get out. With a little time away from the poison things will be clearer.
As Tony says you could ring the Department of Human Services, or failing that our own 24/& Help Line (1300 22 4636) to ask how to proceed, get accommodation and so on.
Once you are away and have a little time to think then you can start to look at how to build back up, get treatment for you illness, see how you can go with your kids and all the rest.
Do you have a friend or someone left in the family who can at least be a friendly voice, and maybe even give you a bit of a hand?
Please feel confident enough to post again and talk more, we do care and will be here
Croix
