How Do You Trust Again When Your Soul Is Crushed?

[TBella]

Today I find myself racked with fear & anxiety. Thoughts plague my heart, unrest eats at my soul as the question goes over & over in my mind.... What if there is no one out there who I can really trust? How do I know that people are who the say they are, who they portray themselves to be?

How do you know, how can you be sure, when everyone, every authority, every supposedly "safe place " has betrayed or abused my trust- be it the Dr & radiologist who sexually abused me at age 5 or my parents who didn't make home a safe place, rather a war zone. My family who lied to me on many occasions, the bosses that took advantage of me & the boss who was violent, the church that abandoned me in my darkest hour because I'm not a VIP! My friends who promised to keep in touch but I haven't heard from in 8 years, all the friends that abandoned me when I told them I had PTSD & depression.

So many people I trusted that turned out not to be who I thought. So many peoples words, that didn't mean what they said.

My whole life feels like one big lie! It's not a safe place when you have no one you can trust!

I get not everyone will like me or want to be my friend. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I'm totally ok with that! What hurts is when people pretend!
All I want is for people to say what they mean & mean what they say! Don't pretend to be my friend if you don't really mean it! Don't say you will do things if you have no intentions of putting actions to your words. If you're going to hurt, hurt me with the truth-not with lies! I need to know there's someone who I can trust. Someone authentic, genuine, sincere. Someone who is who they appear to be. Someone who ONLY says what they mean & means what they say!

It's so soul destroying to live in a place where you can't trust, that doesn't feel safe. I don't know how to overcome that & it really scares me!

[blondguy]

Hello TBella

Good on you for being here and speaking from the heart too!

Your pain speaks volumes even between your words

You have been through some really dark periods in your life. I understand part of your pain as I have had this depression/anxiety since 1983 when I was 23.

I hear you TBella

The forums are moderated so the young people (and the old buggers like me) have a 'Safe' place to have their say. Your post/thoughts are crucial so the forums dont cease to exist

You have the right to live in a place where you feel Safe.

Can I ask you what/who is making your place unsafe?

you are not alone here TBella

If you want a good vent please go for it. We are good at listening and the forums are a Judgemental Free Zone...so you wont be judged in any way

we are happy to listen

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[TBella]

Thank you Paul

i greatly appreciate your response- it's comforting to feel heard & encouraging to know people on here want to hear from me.

i do feel I have found a safe place on this forum, which I greatly appreciate.

to answer your questions- the reason I don't feel safe is because I feel like I can't trust anybody or that anybody is truly who they seem to be. And I don't believe people really want to have me in their lives. I guess having PTSD doesn't help-gives me a warped perception of things. I want it to change but I don't know how to change those false core beliefs- I feel stuck & need help with it I guess.

I'm just frustrated that I'm still dealing with all this stuff!

Thanks for listening:)

Kind Regards

TBella

[geoff]

hello TBella, and thanks Paul for your sincere and heartfelt reply, because this is a serious post, who can you trust, well after all you have been through it's obvious that you would feel this way.
At the moment the only people you can trust is on this site, because I always talk from my heart, there is no c**p or b****t, I say things as they are, but don't get me wrong it doesn't mean that I'm going to break any trust I have with you, because there are ways and means to talk with you about something that concerns you, however what we have to do to is to gain this trust with you.
This maybe scary for you to believe this, but there are many other people on this site who will try and gain your confidence as well. Geoff.

[TBella]

Thanks Geoff!

[blondguy]

Hi TBella (and thanks Geoff)

Really appreciate you posting back 🙂 I am happy that you find the forums a 'Safe' place. Great stuff

Your thoughts are respected and valued here and good on you for helping out people here too...Nice1

Really great to have you as part of the BB family TBella.

my kindest

Paul

[TBella]

Thank you Paul.

[RDI]

Hi TBella! I am new to this forum, because I have had enough and as I was reading people's stories and what upsets them I found yours and your words the closest I could relate to.

Unfortunately I don't believe TRUTH exists anymore. It has started when I was 16 and my first bf lied to me, then a physical abuse of a fiance at 18, then another bf cheating on me, muuuuultiple friends betrayals, people calling me family and kicking me out of the house, misscariage because whilst the "father" has told me he's with parents at home he's been hooking up with other girls causing me stress.

I have never seen a psychologist or gotten anyone's help because it was never explained to me that that's what you should do after what you've been through and now I feel like its too late almost. I am hurting my partner because I am just so convinced he is lying to me or he is cheating behind my back simply because everyone that's ever told me they love or I'm safe around them have deeply hurt me and that's what love and trust has become for me now - non existent.

I want you to know I understand and I want you to know that I can relate and I don't even know how to deal with this. But hopefully my story can help you feel you can relate to me as well and for me to get it out of my chest. I already feel a little better, so thank you!!!