How do you let people know about your PTSD without stigmatizing yourself?

[JackM]

How do you tell people about having PTSD without stigmatizing yourself, or causing negative reactions?

I have been in the situation where people have told me, "you have so much talent, why can't you just..." so many times. On the occasions where I have described my PTSD symptoms, cognitive issues, and the event the led up to it, the reaction is usually negative in the sense that I stigmatize myself as some kind of loser, and fail to get any understanding.

So what I do now is that I don't explain it at all, and I cover up my PTSD to the best of my ability. Most of my friends and acquaintances have no idea that I have PTSD. If I meet someone new somewhere, I just tell them lies (not elaborate ones) that I have a job and a normal life. Because the result of telling the truth makes me more marginalized than I am now.

So what do you do?

[JessF]

Hello Jack, in my opinion any sentence starting with "why don't you just" is a refuge for the ignorant. Many of us with a mental health issue have had to face these kinds of questions, and they are so frustrating. Of course there are many things I would "just" do if I had a magic wand!

My closest friends know of my struggles. I think it's important for them to, so I can be supported and understood. It also helps me to determine who is a close friend - those who can't cope with this information aren't worthy of being close friends. Acquaintanves, not so much, it's not relevant.

There's a time and place for disclosing. If you have a complicated story involving trauma, people can be a bit overhwlemed hearing it first up. Sometimes choosing your moment helps too.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi JackM,

Thanks for your post.

I agree with everything that JessF has said; there is so much stigma around PTSD (and mental illness in general) that it can be incredibly difficult for people to understand or support you.

For the most part, I think a lot of these comments like 'why don't you just' are pure misunderstandings. But then if the reaction is negative, then it becomes ignorance. There's a funny line between 'I don't know at all what you're going through' and 'I don't understand it but I'm here for you' and 'I don't understand it and I'm not really interested in doing so either'.

For me personally, it has to start with me. I own my struggles and I think they're important to talk about. I know and recognise they've played a huge role in my life. Yes there are certain situations where I will feel small and stigmatised but for the most part I have worked hard to get to this point where I can say 'I have this and it doesn't change who I am'. I'm not sure where you're at with this but I think being able to feel comfortable in your own diagnosis is probably a good first step.

As for telling other people, everyone is different here. Some like to have a big support group; share it on social media etc where as others choose to only tell a couple of people. I can only share my experiences but it's important to know there's no real hard and fast way. If you want to tell everyone or keep it to yourself that's up to you.

For me, I try and 'leak' things out consciously. Brene Brown talked about it as a marble jar; as when you can trust/share small things (small marbles) and they can hold them (respect what you've said) you can make room for more/bigger ones. Perhaps it's not necessarily sharing everything, but just small snippets of what you're going through; see how they respond and add another marble (bit of info). This way you can kind of bounce and reflect on how they're absorbing that but without making yourself too vulnerable in telling your story.

Choose your people. If the one's you've already talked to are acting unsupportive and especially aren't willing to at least try to understand, then they're not your go-to. PTSD is common so you will find people who can understand.

I hope this helps

[JackM]

Thanks for the replies.

I think part of the problem with people not understanding is that when talking to me I seem to be rational and eloquent. So they assume this reaches into all aspects of my life, which just isn't the case.

[labradoodle]

Hi New to all this first post hoping this will help. Diagnosed PTSD 4 -5 weeks ago after two truck accidents close together 2nd one very life threatening for me and my crew who i am responsible for. Didn't know what was happening to me at first just severe anxiety symptoms went to GP got worse sent to psychologist. Diagnosed two sessions later. spoke to psych about how to tell people as I was seeing a very good friend the next day she said if I feel comfortable and can trust that person tell them. He texted me and said are we still on for tomorrow I replied just been to psych not coping well from accident. He said are you joking (I've never been too serious) I replied I wont joke about mental health. We had a great day it was good to let someone know for me as we have been friends for a long time. Obviously you have to be careful about who you tell if you get a negative response it can be a real set back. Today I am having a bad day a friend just rang to see how I was coping I told him and they are coming to visit now. At the moment I have good and bad periods today is a bad one which is why I joined today to talk about it and read other peoples posts Yours Labradoodle (my dog Jet 35kg of always happy)