Hopeless

[Mids]

Reaching out for support. I’m a midwife and feeling so sad at the moment. I have elements of PTSD, compassion fatigue and burnout. I’m spent. I don’t want to work. Don’t really want to be on earth. The only thing keeping me here is my kids and husband and knowing I won’t act on my thoughts. I feel like a failure. The career I worked so hard for. I have removed myself socially (even social media), and want to hide in bed all day, but manage to make it to the sofa. If I’m rostered to work the sleepless night beforehand, the flashbacks to cases and families on birthing fills me with dread, the headache on shift. I’m drowning. It’s all too much. I have no hobbies away from Mid. I used to enjoy baking - now it’s a chore.

[Swan_13]

Hi Mids,

I'm glad you were able to reach out for support on the forums. It sounds like your job has really taken a toll on you over the years. I'm sorry to hear that you're so exhausted. You say you feel like a failure, but I admire the work you've done - it takes a special person with lots of compassion and dedication to fill that role. You were so busy caring for other people that you put your own health and happiness aside. The fact that you're feeling like this may be a sign that you could now dedicate some time to caring for yourself.

It sounds like you were exposed to some pretty traumatic birthing experiences through your job so I completely understand why you feel as though you don't want to work.

Do you mind me asking what appealed to you about this career in the first place? It sounds like you put in a lot of work to get to where you are.

I get a sense that your family is really important to you. It's good that you've got that support network around you.