Hi. I wonder when it will go away...thinking that people are doing and saying evil things to me like my mother

[Scapegoated]

I have an older sibling who is an adult and she and my mother would gang up on me and abuse me. I am ten years younger so she is an adult sibling. She is a narcissist as is my mother. My sister and mother said and did such evil things to me mocking me all the time because I was my father's favorite that I always think other people are mocking me in the same way, they did not respect me that is for sure. So I always think that everyone will do the same because i attracted really mean kids when I was in grammar school and they did the same thing my sister and mother did. It was horrible. But then I grew and am considered very pretty and people are nice to me but I always think they are saying bad things still. I wonder if this is ever going to change. Where I can just trust that someone is not like my mother and older sibling and uncles. All four of those people ganged up on me. My father is a drunk. He turned to the bottle to get away from my mother and sister's cruelty and abandoned me to them. he left me in the lions den. The thing is I met some nice people and they are not doing these things to me but it is hard for me to believe that people are just wanting to be nice. Even though that is my reality now. I know that my adult sibling who violated all my boundaries and my mother as well, traumatized me but I am seeing the difference between safe and dangerous people I think finally. Even though I still question whether they will turn out to be mean and evil.

[white knight]

Hi again,

It's great that you consult us about your problems ongoing. Thankyou.

My eldest daughter has been in a similar situation. I left their mother when my daughters were 7 and 4yo. I dont consider I abandoned them as I saw them every week but sometimes a married couple have such irreparable problems with each other there is no other remedy. Under such circumstances if they stayed in the same house things could get much worse.

Can you move out? to your dads place? to a family members house? If not then you can plan the long term exit by studying hard to get good marks and entering uni with receiving the entitlement of allowances plus a part time job. Then you can see your family as often as you decide because one day your sister and mother might realise the incredible damage they have inflicted. Their behaviour is totally unacceptable. Period.

I hope things improve. If the abuse is too great always remember you can attend or ring the police. That sometimes can be the only option or the Beyond Blue number at the bottom of this page.

TonyWK

[The_Bro]

Hi there Scapegoated and thanks for reaching out to the forum!

Tony WK has made a pretty good point about the possibility of moving away from your home situation and the horrible problems it brings.

You must feel quite vulnerable and upset having been through all that negative stuff over the years. I don't blame you for wondering when it will end!

You mentioned that you are considered to be quite pretty physically. This can be a great asset or exactly the opposite from what I have learnt.

On Todd Sampson's TV Doco the other night called 'Mirror Mirror', he asked kids if they would rather be smart or pretty - most replied pretty but that changed as the programme went on, due to peer pressures to stay pretty, and jealousy related issues.

I have a friend who dated an ex Miss Australia and of course she was a knockout. I got to know her quite well over a year or two. Surprisingly, she and lots of her fellow competitors for the title were quite miserable. Guys simply wanted to date them as a 'Trophy' and females were nasty to them based largely on jealousy. So some of them were actually lonely!

I suspect jealousy might well be the cause of how people are treating you. I think the very best weapon against this is to be as nice and genuine as you can be, and in particular show an interest in the well being of friends and people you meet. Avoid talking about yourself but always ask them questions about what they are up to, take care to respond to their issues etc etc. Over time they will realise you are actually great to have around and make them feel good by talking with you. That will lead to nicer people being attracted to you and your circle of real friends will grow.

Of course all of this is fairly basic and you probably know it already, but it needs to be practiced a lot as most of us (like me) just want to talk about ourselves.

I hope that helps a little bit and all the very best in growing away from your current situation.

Kind regards, The Bro