Fresh trauma from family member’s death

[Ashii]

content warning for mentions of suicide

I’ve posted before about something else.
I’ve never known anything but trauma. I think I probably experience it in the womb. The past ten years I’ve been doing my best to recover and I have to a certain degree. But my family’s early experiences in life have completely destroyed us. I lost a brother in 2014 to suicide and I lost another early this year. It wasn’t an instant death either. He was pronounced brain dead two days after his admission to hospital. We had to make a lot of tough decisions. My sister had attempted a month earlier and was hospitalised for the night. It’s not uncommon for our family to contact 000 about an attempt multiple times a year. I had to take care of my sister by myself during and after what happened with my brother and not a day went by for over a month that there wasn’t a risk of her attempting again. I had to sleep in her bed most nights just to make sure she was safe. From the time the phone call went through about my brother until a couple weeks after the funeral I was in problem solving and survival mode. I was burnt out and I think I may have suffered more trauma. I’ve always had ptsd episodes, but now I feel like I can tolerate even less than I used to. It’s gotten to the point where if I’m driving a car and someone raises their voice I have to fight the urge to do something drastic. I’m constantly exhausted now and my normal ways of coping usually mean having extended periods away from my family, but I can’t do that anymore due to financial pressure and living with family. I see a psychologist, but the number of sessions are limited and I haven’t seen them for a month. I just wanted to get this off my chest.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Ashii,

Thank you for finding the strength to post about your struggles in our forums. We are a very supportive community with lots of lived experiences.

We understand you have been struggling with significant trauma within your family. We also understand that you have been spending large amounts of your strength taking care of your sister.

We know how important it is that we all have limits, and the need to recharge ourselves. We therefore would like to encourage you to call BeyondBlue mental health specialists on 1300 22 4636, or Lifeline on 13 11 14, any time day or night, any day of the year, whenever you feel the need to have a quick chat with a mental health specialist.

Please keep posting whenever you wish.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Ashii,

What you have been through is extreme. You’ve been a primary support for others while dealing with huge stress, pressure and grief. It’s so important that you get some kind of break for yourself and that you have support.

 I’m not sure if you are on a mental health care plan, but that can reduce the cost of the psychologist if that is a factor in accessing regular help. If you reach a certain threshold of out-of-pocket costs the amount of cost per visit can go down too.

 I don’t think what I’ve been through is quite as full on, but I was the primary carer for family members in the last years of their lives, during which they were rushed to hospital emergency several times and their care needs were extremely high. I was also caring for another family member going through a breakdown. During this time two friends committed suicide and another shortly before. I was under huge pressure on multiple fronts and felt I was holding it together for everyone else but with no support myself.

 I’m now trying to recover. I’ve found approaches that calm the nervous system such as gentle restorative yoga and Bowen therapy helpful. There can be huge impacts on your health when under sustained periods of stress. I’ve found spending time just resting in nature and decompressing can help too.

Stay in touch with supportive people. Call the BB support line or other similar helpline if you need too. It’s absolutely ok to ask for help and kind contact with others can really make a difference.

Take care and see what you can do for yourself, even if you are living with family and your usual way of coping is to spend time away from them. Is there some time you can just spend doing something you enjoy that gives you a break and allows you to totally rest? Sending you very best wishes 🙏