Emotional Abuse

[ashrosee]

Hey guys, I'm just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to eject yourself from an emotionally abusive relationship that seems to never end. I have been with this person for almost two years and yet not for one second did it feel secure - this person would have bursts of good energy where he wanted to be around me all the time, be affectionate and caring and take interest in me, and then suddenly he would snap to ignoring me for weeks and being completely uninterested. This person showed absolutely no care factor for me or my life, yet expected me to be there to support him in every aspect of his and worship him at his feet basically. I have received countless insults that have damaged my self esteem to it's core, yet never received any form of apology as i was always framed as sensitive or over reacting. Whenever I tried to discuss my feelings or these issues, my attempt was met with anger and contempt and he refused to engage in any form of self reflection or discussion. Recently he decided he wanted to stop seeing me, making it known to me that he does not care about me and stated that i'm annoying etc etc. I was heart broken after this, and yet four days later he returned by messaging me saying he misses me and acting as if nothing had happened. I'm so deeply confused, and because I love this person I always forgive his behaviour and go back to him, as he claims to "not remember" the things he says, and also says that he doesn't mean half the things he says. I am desperate for help on how I can save myself from this cycle, so please if anyone has had any similar experiences, please share them with me, thanks!

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I understand the instability.

If, he has a mental illness, if, then he may not have insight into it. A diagnosis is the only way to confirm and it doesnt sound like he'll go along to a GP.

Have you considered leaving him? Do you really love him? Big questions. Are you prepared to endure the ups and downs? Counseling perhaps?

A few threads to assist you to think about your options. Use google

Topic: the definition of abuse- beyondblue

Topic: does stubborness have a place- beyondblue

Finally, "being framed as sensitive" could be seen as what is coined as "gaslighting". Google it, you'll see what I Mean.

Tony WK

[geoff]

hello Ashrosee, I know how you are feeling and what he's doing to you, perhaps I can give you another example which happens to so many women, and the principle is the same, but it takes the wife/partner quiet awhile to know that she has to leave him.
The r/ship is abusive and emotional where the female is constantly being hit or yelled at, so it breaks up, then he comes back to the house with flowers and chocolates pleading that it won't happen again, of course it does after a day or two, so this goes on for a few weeks, until finally she decides to leave him.
A r/ship/marriage will never work out when this happens, and whether he needs professional help is something which he won't accept, in turn, he will blame you for everything, don't put yourself through this, it will only get worse, but can I suggest that you make an appointment with your doctor, and please end this so your life can improve. Geoff.

[GemAndLogan]

Hi Ashrosee,

I am sorry for your situation, it is very difficult and I totally understand where you're coming from

Earlier in the year I left an emotionally abusive relationship that spiralled into a physically abusive one. I was the same as you- I loved him so I constantly forgave him, he was so manipulative he could make me think I was the one at fault all the time. Leaving that relationship was the best thing I ever did.

The best way to leave is to do just that, leave.

Feel free to explain your reasoning to him but after that it is easier on both parties if you have no contact. Tell your family and friends that it is over between you, so they can support you through it.

Give yourself time to heal and be sad about the relationship ending so that when you're ready, you can start a new chapter.

If you feel like you need extra support then seeing a professional is always a good idea

Take care of yourself! You deserve to be happy

Gem

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Ash, your story completely mirrors mine. It has now been almost two years and I am completely free of him, I say that because being in an emotionally abusive relationship is an absolute rollercoaster and constantly up and down. If you even give it a month without him you will see your life improve, I promise that. You deserve to be loved in a respectful, kind manner. You don't deserve to be called annoying and be told you're not cared for. What I did is I ceased contact in all forms, sought professional help to keep me on track. Eventually my self esteem repaired and I began to develop feelings for people that really cared about me. I also realised I wasn't in love and was just in love with the idea of this person and the rollercoaster they put me on. Sorry, I know I'm talking about myself a lot but maybe you'll find some parallels and find the courage in you to finally put an end to all of this. Trust me, real honest and true love is out there for you. Sending you love.

[pvroom]

Hi Ashrosee,

I too was in an emotionally abusive relationship with physical violence that was not directed at me but around me. It took me many years to fully realise how bad it was. It erroded all of my confidence and self-worth which is I think what made it hard to leave. I was with this person for 2.5 years and we lived together for 1 year. I actually went overseas to get away from him, his pull was too difficult in the same postcode, state, country etc. When I returned I had new experiences with nice people and interesting places to make me feel alive and whole again. Now, this might not be possible but perhaps a big change is what you need. Know that you can walk away, you have that power, you deserve more from a relationship xxx

[Madgal]

I know how you feel im going tbrough same thing what makes hard we have a 4yr old son he uses as a tool to hurt me

[White_Rose]

Hello Ashrosee

Hello, welcome.

This is a disastrous situation. Can you remember what you were like before you met this excuse for a person? I am certain you were not constantly being called all sorts of name, treated like a non-person etc. True?

What happens in these situations is the male destroys his partners confidence by playing both the good and bad guy. He keeps her off-balance by these tricks giving her some wonderful times when he seems like the best guy in the world. Before you have time to blink he starts the abuse again. Doesn't matter if it is physical, emotional, sexual, or mental. Once she is dependent on him for all her emotional needs he has got the upper hand.

I do not think you really love him. He is the only constant in your world and has made you feel this all you deserve. He wants you to be constantly grateful and therefore willing to put up with all his unsavoury practices.

Go home or to a friend's place taking all your belonging. Block his number on all phones and email and any other social media. As noted in posts above. You will recover although you will be hurting for a couple of weeks. Go where you can find comfort and safety. No contact at all.

Mary