EDMR

[Anzee]

Hi, you may have read some of my story. If you haven’t, here’s the gist, I had a traumatic medical episode a few years ago and engaged with a psychologist for severe health anxiety. After a month, I started having triggers and flashbacks from my childhood abuse and my psychologist referred me to a service that specialised in sexual abuse but after a few sessions they said they couldn’t work with me as I was being retraumatised in my relationship and wasn’t safe. I was in deep denial about my abusive relationship as we had been together a long time and share two kids. After a while I was finally convinced to contact a DV service and after leaving for a second time late last year I have pretty much been in trauma or crisis mode. My ex has taken me to court also which I have struggled with so much as at times I’ve felt like I was living the trauma all over again. I had an amazing friend who supported me through all of it but I pushed her away because I felt like I was too much of a burden on her, I have a DV worker but we hardly ever talk, I have a supportive family services worker, but I often feel like I use her too much too and that I’m a burden so will withdraw from her support regularly. I have a supportive therapist, but because I’ve been pushing people away, I’ve managed to go pretty deep back into my denial bubble so I don’t want to face or accept the trauma I’ve been through as I feel like it puts me back into crisis, but my therapist has been encouraging me to do EMDR with me for a while now and feels it will be helpful with my PTSD and flashbacks but I just feel too scared to do it. She’s tried it with me a couple of times, the latest been last week, and because I can’t find a safe place in my internal or external life making any kind of trauma work very difficult, she has consulted other professionals in trauma and EMDR work to get some tips on how to work with me when the trauma is still so distressing for me. She was going through one of the techniques she’d had recommended to her in our last session and we got about 10 seconds into the activity and I just freaked out and said I’m not doing this, then hid my face under a pillow on her couch. She tried to talk to me about what I was feeling and encouraging me to try again but I just couldn’t look at her or communicate, it’s like I completely shut down. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me and why I can’t even try one little thing. Has anyone had a similar experience with therapy?

[Sophie_M]

Dear Anzee
 
Thank you for posting this evening, it takes great courage to reach out, particularly when you are feeling that your efforts to seek support so far aren’t working. 
 
There may be many reasons why therapy works for one yet won’t for another.  What we do know however is that therapy is mostly effective for those who are willing to apply themselves, those who set realistic goals and discuss any therapeutic issues that arise along the way.  We can hear from your experience so far, that you have continued engage with different therapies, including EMDR despite feeling that they have not acheived the desired effect.  This demonstrates commitment and persistence on your part Anzee, which whilst you may not see it right now, will help you make important, positive progress towards your goals so please try to give yourself the credit you deserve.
 
As you know Anzee, if you need to talk, we are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat.  And of course, in terms of your experience of domestic abuse, there is also the following:
 
1800 RESPECT Click Here or call 1800 737 732 or Chat online Click Here
 
We will leave you in the supportive hands of our community now Anzee but thank you again for sharing, it really is a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M