Diagnosed PTSD, depression, anxiety but feel nothing

[Emotionalflower]

Hello everyone,

I decided to come on here to maybe get some answers to what I am feeling or just someone to share it with. I recently decided to seek professional help with a psychologist. After the introduction session he said he believes I have PTSD, depression and anxiety; he explained that we can work through this stuff in order to achieve what I was seeking which was ultimately being more assertive as I am training to be a nurse and I am shy.

Anyway, I was really shocked that he “diagnosed” me with PTSD because I was unaware that I was experiencing it. I have had two traumas in my life when I was 16 and 21 and I am now 23. However, I never seeked help because I guess part of me thought it was no big deal what happened but I’m not sure if I felt that way because people around me made me feel like what happened was nothing; so I essentially coped with the idea that it was. I guess what I’m getting at is I don’t understand how he can diagnose me with PTSD when I said I don’t really feel much from it? Sometimes I wonder if the trauma hasn’t affected me but without me realising it? Like subconsciously I have been suffering without mentally being aware of it? Is that even possible? I’ve tried to explain this to other people but they just don’t understand me. I just want some answers because I guess now that he has said that it’s been eating at me whenever I feel emotional about something that there’s is something underlyingly wrong with me. I know I should of seeked help ages ago but I was always too afraid because I feel like people will think i want pity for what has happened or attention so whenever I tell people I tend to say it with a smile and say it’s no big deal.

If you have read this I just want to say thank you for taking time out of your day to read my post. I welcome any thoughts on my situation and I hope that you have a wonderful day.

Thank you.

[Lici]

Hi emotionalflower,

I just wanted to quickly say welcome to the forum. I do have some thoughts on your post as I also suffer from PTSD, anxiety and depression and experience some of the same things you do. I can't give a longer reply at the moment as I'm just on my way out to a doctors appointment but I wanted to let you know that I have read your post and do intend on replying properly.

Kind regards,

Lici

[startingnew]

Hi and welcome to BB

well done for reaching out for some extra supports, it can be quite daunting cant it but we are more than happy to help and support you the best we can in a safe envionment.

i have a few things in common with you one being i also have anxiety, depression, ptsd from a few traumas (and BPD) and also am 21. you seem to be a little confused by your diagnoses. do you agree with the anxiety and depression side of things?

you said you dont really feel much in the forms of PTSD, so im curious to know what sorts of symptoms you do experience if you dont mind sharing. e.g flashbacks, nightmares of the events, avoiding things that remind you of the event.... id like to help you but want to understand more of your story first. do you think talking to your psychologist about why they said you have ptsd if you dont agree with it?

Trauma does have a way of affecting us even subconsciously so perhaps your psych has picked up some of those signs. also its never to late to ask for help. my traumas happened 3+ yrs ago and havent started seeking help till last yr, its the point that youve acknowledged you need and have sought out that help. huge kudos to you.

also if you would like to talk about those traumas im all ears but only talk about what your comfortable with.

again welcome and hope to hear from you soon

[Emotionalflower]

Hi,

Thank you so much for responding and taking the time to read my post.

I don’t really know what symptoms I feel or experience to be honest, I don’t really get flashbacks because I’ve completely stopped taking the train alone which is where the trauma occurred. The only thing I can think of is that I’ve been avoiding what had happened and stored it without acknowledging it perhaps? I decided not to go back to the psychologist because I felt more depressed after the session than I did beforehand. It sort of felt like I let out a box of emotions that I’ve never told anyone and kept the lock on but when I had to express and answer their questions it scared me so much I left crying and overwhelmed.

[Lici]

Hi emotionalflower,

As with startingnew, I'm wondering if you show signs of avoidance, nightmares, flashbacks etc.

PTSD has many different forms and after going to see my gp today, I'm wondering if something he said may be relevant to why you don't feel much about your trauma.

I was recently diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and I don't really feel anything either. This is called detachment. I have known about my detachment for a while but what I didn't realise is that it's a part of anxiety. Considering you also suffer from anxiety, I'm wondering if you may also have the detachment as this would go a long way to explain why you don't 'feel' anything in regards to your trauma.

Basically my doctor explained it to me today like this: part of anxiety is about having self-control and discipline and part of that control is distancing from my emotions. Because I distance myself the emotions aren't 'in my face ' and therefore I can control them. Because of my trauma and childhood, I subconsciously distance myself. He also stressed that most of the symptoms are subconscious and something that people do without realising to cope. Part of the therapy is therefore becoming conscious of our reactions and why they happen (this is the cognitive part of cognitive behaviour therapy)

I'm also wondering if your psychologist is a clinical psychologist? The reason I ask is because there's a definitive difference between a clinical psychologist and one who doesn't have clinical before psychologist. The difference being that a clinical psychologist can make a diagnosis whereas a registered psychologist (one without the clinical) can only give treatment. I'm assuming the clinical is there if they diagnosed you, and if it is, they are very qualified to give that diagnosis and won't do it lightly as they know labels can greatly affect a person.

As with startingnew, I think that discussing with your psychologist that you don't agree with the ptsd diagnosis and why will be helpful. They will be able to elaborate why they think it's a valid diagnosis which could help you understand why they diagnosed you more.

Anyway, I hope this has helped some. I always feel like I'm rambling! It's really great that you're being proactive and seeking help. It took me years and years to tell someone something was wrong and even to admit it to myself.

I hope you have a good day.

Lici

[startingnew]

hi, its nice to hear back from you. i think Lici has made some really good points there, what do you think of those?

also that is up to you in regards to attending psychology sessions however the first one is really daunting and your reaction is rather normal.

do you have any other supports like friends or family that you could confide in at all?

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome Emotionalflower; (Shout-outs to SN and Lici)

Finding a good psych can be difficult; a trial and error sort of process. We try to aim for people we 'click' with as this enhances the experience, even though at times it can be upsetting.

Finding your feet so to speak can be confusing. You don't have anything to compare it to as this is your first time with a psych and delving into your past. I'm not sure what your trauma was, but this is a safe place to talk ok.

As Lici says, you can only be formally diagnosed by a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist. This is more about medication and treatment than anything else because there's criteria they and your GP need to adhere to for professional standards. Please don't let the label frighten you.

PTSD and Complex PTSD are common diagnosis' and are often discussed on this forum. There are threads with lots of info you might find interesting if you scout around.

Lici also brought up detachment (dissociation) which is a common symptom, but not understood very well as each person presents individually. Once you understand what it means to you, then you can deal with it.

As you're just starting out, it's best to discuss a plan with your psych and GP, especially medication. 'You' determine how fast or slow your therapy goes ok. If it's too much, then tell him. Recovering from trauma is a slow process and involves techniques that need to be learned and understood before you can progress.

If you're feeling as though you don't need therapy, then don't go, but if you're experiencing symptoms that affect your life, then psych support is an essential part of your recovery.

Anxiety/panic are very common symptoms of ptsd and needs to be explored. It's a cause/effect symptom that can be managed really well with the right advice and coping strategies.

You have great support at your fingertips on this forum hun, so use it to your best advantage. You're cared about and important to us.

Kind thoughts;

Sez