Dealing with triggers

sparrowhawk · ‎21-09-2019

So I was diagnosed as having trauma after prolonged bullying/emotional abuse. I'm no longer in that situation and am getting professional help.

The thing is that I am surrounded by triggers - people will simply say or do something that reminds me of what happened, send me into anxiety/tears. I even work with a very nice guy who is a huge trigger for me simply because of how he interacts with me. And of course sometimes flashbacks happen on their own.

Maybe this is too personal a topic for people to respond to. People don't realise they trigger me - I have a very intuitive friend who has sort of clued in but sometimes she triggers me too. It's not their fault, they don't intend it. Every day something is bound to remind me of what happened and I hate it. Criticism, even constructive, is the worst. I can take criticism on its own, and before didn't worry so much about being criticised or corrected, but it is a massive trigger now, even if it's not a personal attack.

Just wondering if anyone feels comfortable enough to share what they do.

romantic_thi3f · ‎21-09-2019

Hi sparrowhawk,

Thank you for your post and for sharing what's been happening with you. I really feel for you as I too feel like I have a lot of triggers with my own trauma as well.

For me personally, there's a couple of things that I do that seems to help me

- I try and tell people, generally only those close to me. If my friend does it, I'll let her know - she knows it's not her fault, but her knowing does help ensure that she's more conscious of it. Although sometimes you may find a way to tell people without letting them know that it's a trigger- for example, if it's a person towering over me, I might ask them to step aside, or encourage them to sit down next to me instead.

- I write down or keep a note of my triggers. Is there a pattern? Do I know in advance what might trigger me? Sometimes the worst triggers for me come out of nowhere, so understanding them and being prepared for them can help.

- Avoidance - I think this can be healthy at times, in being able to distance yourself when things do get hard in a way that makes you feel safe.

- Self help tools. These vary of course, but anything from self-talk, self-soothing or grounding exercises. While we may not always control being triggered, this is one thing we are in control of.

There's also some other posts here that might be helpful to read (although the content might be triggering) -

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/ptsd-trauma/triggers-#qrk2GHHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/ptsd-trauma/ptsd-triggers-and-stigma#qpchr3HzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

I hope that this is helpful 🙂

Matchy69 · ‎21-09-2019

When i was in hospital they got me to write a list of my triggers and turned out to be a long list with many strange ones that would set off in a rage of tears.I have a new problem to overcome and finding i have different triggers that set me off.Just being in this house,being out in the garden,cooking seeing a red car and many more have me in tears.I dont know how i will get through it this time.I am really struggling at the moment.

sparrowhawk · ‎21-09-2019

romantic_thi3f, thank you so much. Your reply was so helpful.

I have tried telling a couple of people but it wasn't easy and they didn't get it. People towering over me or even observing me doing something is a trigger. Once I asked someone to please move aside as they were standing too close to me/watching me and they got offended, so I had to tell them about the trauma.

Good idea about writing them down, too. Avoidance would help but it is hard. The person who hurt me is still in my life and I've recently had to interact with them, leading to anxiety and depression. I'm also triggered by such ordinary things, it could even be a word, or a conversation topic. The other day I was triggered by the way someone said something.

I'll try the self-help and read the posts too. Thank you!

Matchy69, I really feel for you. It is hard. But you have done such a courageous thing by admitting your struggle and seeking help. I'm thinking of you.

romantic_thi3f · ‎24-09-2019

Hi sparrowhawk,

You're welcome, it's great to hear back from you!

Oh I'm sorry, it's so hard for people to understand when they aren't used to it or aren't familiar with it! You said that you had to tell them about the trauma - would it have been too hard just to hold your boundary? I'm only asking this because I feel like I owe everyone an explanation whenever I need anything, but in reality - I don't, and you don't either. In the same way that someone could say they don't like hugs, there's no reason to justify it or explain why. It also might help to brainstorm other things you could say, maybe like "can you help me by doing this?", or "I'd really love it if you did this instead"- that way it gives people something to do and can be less likely to offend too.

It must be so difficult to still be around the person whose hurt you - I can imagine that it's going to make everything feel more triggering! I'm sorry that you have to deal with not only the hurt but also having to still be around that person.

Hopefully you'll find some more strategies and be better equipped 🙂

RT

sparrowhawk · ‎25-09-2019

Thanks RT for your reply. Great to hear from you too.

The person impinging on my space was my dad, so I felt like I needed to give him some sort of explanation as not to be rude. I didn't tell him everything, just that I felt uncomfortable with people standing so close to me. I like the suggestions you give for things that may help as alternative statements.

It really is hard. The other day I was talking with someone about a movie and they said "You should go and see it with (the person who hurt me)". They know a little about my situation but not all. Immediately I felt very tense. Within the past month I have seen them 4 times and it just wears on me immensely. There is a possibility I could end up living with this person again, just because of our circumstances and relationship, and I really want to be able to prepare myself emotionally and mentally for that to happen. Thank you so much for your kind words.