dealing with rape

[blinkstar]

Hi all, 

I've just newly joined this website, to find a source of support in my life.  i was raped over a year ago; i did the necessary steps reported it to the police, saw a counsellor, dr and psychologist. i took anti-depressants and sleeping pills this helped me gradually de-stress from the pain. my closest friends know and elder brother knows. the problem is that it has been more than over 10 months since the cops have contacted me. i purposely don't think about it or talk about it. i keep myself busy with studies or working. until recently i saw the after effects of it catching up on me. things like not being able to sleep, bad dreams, waking up 2/4 times in a night, unable to talk in public speaking, becoming extremely anxious... my main issue is that i don't have the courage to call the cops and close my case. i get frustrated quite easily, in previous calls I've called and they've made excuses which puts me off. I'm going on my first solo adventure in december... i want to be able to have this chapter of my life closed up mentally. i don't want to have to resort back to medication just to be able to sleep and function properly.

 does anybody have any coping mechanisms for my situation? Any advice /support will help.

thanks in advance 🙂

[geoff]

dear Blinkstar, thank you for being so brave and posting your comment, and the best part is that it's anonymous, but also many people who maybe able to help you through this terrible journey.

I am absolutely so sorry for you to be taken advantage of, in actual fact I detest any idea that some guy can do as he wants, against the will of the girl.

What can happen is that all your counselling and taking antidepressants (AD) is going to help you through but eventually your only wish is that this guy is to be caught and punished, and because it is a long time with no result is certainly going to frustrate and annoy you, and that I can understand and feel for you, and by saying that you can get to a stage where all of this is not going to help you like it did before.

You can try and block out your feelings by working and studying, but your mind will continually think of why has this guy not been caught and charged, and once this happens, then these thoughts get stronger each day.

Was a certain officer assigned to your case and if so then you have to speak to them or perhaps ask your brother to contact them, because it's something that you definitely want to be settled.

I applaud you for going on this adventure, but can I suggest that you have different strategies planned, and these would be appreciate your good days, which I'm sure you will, but most importantly those days which you feel a bit of colour mentally, because we can't go through life feeling as though everything is great, which would be terrific, but really it's impossible, so in other words how you can recover and then enjoys the beauties of the wild. Geoff. x

[Neil_1]

Hi there Blinkstar

I too would like to welcome you to B.B. and just as Geoff has done, commend you for being so brave and courageous in coming here and telling your story.  To these mongrel low live scum who do such horrible acts, they simply sicken me and they belong behind bars.

I hope that there might be others who may come along and provide you with better advice than what I’m able to, but for the most part, I just wanted to say ‘hi’ and to let you know that you have our full support and hopefully between a few of us, we’ll be able to offer something that’ll be helpful to you.

Is there someone who you feel close to (or comfortable enough with) that they may be able to accompany you or help you out when you call the police to check on your case? 

I’m also guessing that your previous contacts with your counsellor, your doctor and psychologist have all ceased?  Did you find them helpful and is there any chance of you recommencing one or some of them to help you through this particular time?

Would love to hear from you again

Neil

[Guest_5218]

Hi Blinkstar.  I am new to this Forum too, only having joined today at the advice of my psychologist.  I would like to start out by saying that I totally admire your courage!  You have done all the right things as you said.  I only wish I had your courage 20 years ago when I was raped.  I never reported it to anyone and did not speak to anyone about it for 19 years.  And I have suffered (like you) from anxiety, intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, self loathing, feelings of guilt for not having been able to prevent the rape, lack of sleep, lack of trust in your own judgement of others, social isolation, etc.  This has been occuring now for almost 20 years, so I totally understand what you are now going through.  You say that you dont have the courage to call the police and close the case?  You do you know, you have already done the hard part.  So bite the bullet and do it.  As I said earlier, I admire your courage.  Dont underestimate yourself..........  

Coping mechanisms?  I used work and sport to get me through after the initial shock had worn off.  And that was fairly successful for a while.  That is, until I suffered a bad back injury.  I have not been able to return to full time work since then, and my previously loved sports are impossible.  But you are obviously young and fit, so work (which you are already doing) and sport is what I would suggest helped me the most.  whatever you do dont resort to alcohol like I did after my injury and lost my previous coping techniques.  It might seem like its helping in the short term (dull the senses and allows sleep) but in the long term its all bad.........

I hope you have a great adventure in December. xx

[white knight]

Hi Blinkstar, welcome

Great to see my friends reply here.

Of my bag of recovery ideas to help you, I hope these two following might make some benefit.

Muscle tensioning exercises.-

 This technique, best taught by a qualified person begins with a quiet location. Lie down and start tensioning your muscles starting from the toes upwards each for 10-15 seconds then release. Once all muscles have been done, tension all muscles for 20 seconds then release. I do this as I enter my bed to sleep and it results often in a sound uninterrupted sleep.

Guidance videos-

Youtube has many appropriate videos. Try googling "Prem Rawat Maharaji Sunset". He has helped me for 30 years now to cope with my thinking. He has many others you'll see on youtube like- "the perfect instrument"

Oh, and one more- motivation lectures work wonders.

You are showing such courage and I applaude you.

Tony WK

[Guest_5218]

Thanks Tony WK.  I will try to do the muscle tensioning exercise tonight ................

Sherie

[Gruffudd]

Hi there Blinkstar, 

It happened to me 21 years ago. 

I had to identify and challenge the negative thoughts (and still do at times)- I did nothing to attract him to me, it was not my fault, all those people who didn't intervene probably didn't know what was about to happen... 

Early on I started having a bath in the darkest room possible - then it was a way of not existing, now it is a reminder that I have survived, something to be proud of.

I own it now, I can't escape that the experience is part of me and changed me, from it I have empathy for others who have been through horrible things and it pushed me in the direction of being a social worker and walking alongside others as they get their lives back on track.

I'll be brave and tell you one more thing- sometimes I need to find a quiet safe place and have a jolly good cry, then once I'm done, go and eat a whole tub of ice-cream whilst watching Bridget Jones Diary.

Rob.