Covert Narcissist

[Tinmansyndrome]

 I dated for 2yrs and hardly saw him. He said it was work and kids. But I found out it was because he was seeing other women. I confronted him the excuse was that he knows he treats me bad and he was bad at balancing things. Thats what he said when told him he was court out. I never agreed for us to see other people i put boundaries in place at the beginning.  Throughout these never was respectful to one. I was completely loyal.  In the relationship he would not let me go to his house except for the beginning of the relationship. He made excuses saying his kids didn't like me. So I was doing the right thing trying to be understanding in giving space. And then he would say I could stay but then make up a excuse. I didnt understand what's going on. I confronted him about having a proper relationship he wasn't giving. I said it wasnt a serious relationship. He then would tell me I was being disgusting in what I said but didn't say anything that was. He also told me I had a mental condition because I got upset. He would hid things and i would find them in places didn't put. He would say things out of the blue like I have a spair for when we brake up. It turned out to be true. He said he tried to have someone younger but no one would have him. Other comments. He played the victim all the time. Have gone no contact. And he made me out the be the crazy bad one. I just feel so stupid for staying and believing he loved me. I am left feeling ashamed. He said that why didn't I leave earlier. That just made me feel worse because he was so manipulating and I stayed sending me messages and saying all the right things. It's hard to tell all the things that he did. Its as though the light has drained from me. I don't trust myself for another relationship. I stopped sleeping with him mounth ago. At least that's one thing. But left feeling like a complete fool. I have  Dyslexia so please excuse the spelling 

[geoff]

Hello Tinman, having a person like this to be in a relationship is not doing you any favours, it can not only go one way, mutual agreements and joint decisions need to be combined for any relationship to work, and the manner on how he is treating you is certainly not a way to help you.

Trust has to be ensured for any couple to properly get on.

I'm sorry.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Fiatlux]

Hi,

Thank you for sharing your story. Good for you that you got yourself out.

I am married to a narcissist. It took me 33+ years to put a name to it. It took that long before someone told me what my husband is. 

He fools most people, most of the time but you can't fool everyone.

I just thought he was a cruel evil soulless abuser with no conscious. As it turns out he is a malignant narcissist.

Don't go back. Don't take him back and Block him out.

The light will return to your life soon. 🙏

[Justanotherday]

I feel like it’s worse when your mother is one. 

[Bob_22]

Hi Tinmansyndrome,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for posting here and sharing your story. I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a tough relationship with your partner. Relationship loss can be tough, especially when our partner has mistreated or abused us despite our love for them. I can't imagine what you're feeling at the moment but much similar to the loss of other things, losing relationships can result in grief. I hope you know if you ever need to talk to someone or are in a negative space you can reach out to one of the counsellors here at beyond blue at any time (over the phone or online chat) by visiting https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor or calling 1300 22 4636. 

If coping with the pain is proving to be tough, I would perhaps visiting a GP or psychologist if you see one? They can help us process the various emotions experienced during a break up and give us strategies to use to help. I found an information sheet which goes through some of these symptoms as well as some tips to help manage it on the griefline website here: https://griefline.org.au/resources/relationship-loss/ Griefline is a great resource and they also have a support line available if you ever would like to use it at 1300 845 745 (8am - 8pm Monday to Fri).

I hope you can also find some support here on the forums and connect with others who might have a similar experience. Please let us know how you go and remember that you're not alone. 💙

Bob

[ecomama]

Dear Tinmansydrome, what an interesting username. 

Does it relate to the saying, "I thought I married my Knight in shining armour but all he was, was an idiot in tin foil?"

Just checking. 😉

You are a BEAUTIFUL, trusting, faithful person. 
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
The shame is ALL on him.
Although I'd never expect him to take any responsibility for any thing, he doesn't have the capacity to feel shame or remorse. 

I'm SO GLAD you found out when you did! 
What an amazing Blessing this is! 

The space you're in right now, is the beginning of your healing journey. We welcome you to the forums and hope you keep updating us here on your thread AND join in on the wonderful healing threads in the Wellbeing section. 

Perhaps now, you feel the need to rectify all the horrible things he did and said to you. 
If you need validation, he never KNEW you so he has no credibility to make any statements about you. 
He's just a nasty person who hurts anyone close to him. 
JUST as I was writing this to you, a meme came up on my YouTube. It reads, "The greatest thing you can give yourself is freedom from what others think" - Abraham Hicks. 
Wow hey? 

Later on, even tomorrow! After you've done this for x long... you'll realise this relationship and person is so far behind you, that you'll be filled with exploding GRATITUDE for this opportunity to live a whole hearted life. 
On your own terms. 

Love EM