Hi Pakyboy28
Not sure if the following will help make any difference but I've found anger to be an incredibly telling emotion. The question becomes 'What's it trying to tell me, under the circumstances?'. Btw, I like to think of anger as the extreme version of a number of different emotions. For example, I can be feeling an extreme sense of frustration which can be angering, an extreme sense of disappointment, an extreme sense of intolerance, an extreme sense of frustration and disappointment towards myself, an extreme sense of injustice, neglect, overwhelm and so on. So it's like frustration, disappointment etc where there to begin with, it's only now that I can feel them in their extreme. As a 55yo gal, I have faced only a handful of times in life where I've been not just angry but enraged. Typically that relates to an explosive 'pressure cooker' level of trying to be tolerant, following years of suppressing feelings. Not good. Suppression only works for so long, until it doesn't.
While my 23yo daughter struggles with elements of ADHD, we openly talk about some of the challenges she faces, so as to make greater sense of them. Of course, there are certain chemical or neurological elements to it but there can also be a lot of other stuff involved too. I can't help but wonder whether you struggle with inner dialogue. Inner dialogue can tend to fuel anger at times, something both my daughter and I can relate to. While there can be some element chatting away up there in our head with something along the lines of 'Why in hell are you tolerating this sh** from that person, you should be angry!!!' that's the kind of thing to kick things off. Btw, can also work the other way. I was saying to my daughter a couple of months ago 'I'm so excited. I just figured out that if I can work up a bit of anger, then the people pleaser in me is replaced by the intolerant and upstanding part of me. I then stand up for myself, instead of tolerating being walked over'. She casually said 'Yeah, I do that'. So wise at such a young age. It took me decades to work that out.
I think when we start to become real 'feelers' (people who feel so much), it can be a challenge when it comes to better understanding and mastering the ability to feel. A lot of questions can come with such an ability, such as 'What takes me from zero to 100 in a split second, when it comes to anger?', 'Why am I suddenly feeling it?', 'Why do I feel it more with some people but not others?', 'Why do I have so much anger towards myself?' and so on.
When it comes to managing the anger I can be feeling at times, I like to imagine I have some sage-like element in me, the kind of thing that can dictate 'You need to walk away' or 'Whatever you do, do not say what you're about to say, you'll regret it' or 'Breathe! You need to breathe. Vent through your breath, not through your words' etc etc. I suppose you could say it's my inner sage that keeps the reigns on the intolerant cow in me that can mooooove me to say or do things I may regret🐄😁. Without that sage-like kinda inner dialogue, the intolerant part of me has free reign and no filter.
