Complex trauma/complex PTSD

[rarepixy]

Hi I dont even know where to begin.

So is anyone about that has been diagnosed with complex ptsd from childhood abuse around? I find very minimal support groups with hours upon hours or searching.

I suffer many health problems due to this mental health problem ill call it.

Just looking for others to talk to as no one understand that our brains are literarily wired differently from others. Medical fact btw.

anyone feel free to comment

[Sophie_M]

Hey Fiatlux,

We know how difficult it can be to reach out for support, so we are really glad that you've taken such a brave step in sharing your journey with us here today. We're so sorry to hear what you and your family have been going through and we hope that you find these forums to be a safe space through this overwhelming time. Our caring community are here for you, and please know that you are strong, valuable and you have a right to live free from this abuse.

Our Support Service is also currently reaching out to you as we are worried about you. We would strongly urge that you contact our friends at 1800RESPECT, who offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely, supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice to people in your situation, and you can contact them anytime on 1800 737 732 or also through webchat 24/7 at https://www.1800respect.org.au/ 

Our Support Service is also always here for you, 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or through online chat (1pm-midnight) at www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings and experiences with you and can offer some great support as well as advice and referrals to help you through this.

However, if you ever you feel unsafe, it's really important that you contact triple zero and ask for the police. We know it has taken a lot of strength and courage for you to share your story today, so thank you. We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums and please also feel welcome to create your own personal thread so that you can expand on your story, and our community can continue to offer their kind support.

[loouuiiee]

Hey everyone,

im not a doctor or any kind of mental health practitioner but I do believe I suffer from complex trauma and ptsd from both childhood abuse and other events that have occurred throughout my life so far (being a victim of breaking & entering & robery, being in an abusive and controlling relationship for years, homelessness etc.).

I am currently diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety and ocd tendencies (related to checking doors and windows are locked repeatedly which is a result of the home invasion/robery I experienced).

as a child I had a very unstable living environment - my mother has bipolar. after leaving my father when i was 4 years old she began refusing treatment & moved me around in order to make it difficult for him to be able to see me/be a part of my life. He eventually remarried, started a new family and forgot about me until we reconnected when I was a teenager after my mother threw me out of the house. As a child my mother was neglectful, and physically and mentally abusive. I was terrified of her and continue to be to this day as a fully grown adult.
As a teenager I found myself homeless after my mother threw me out of the house. My father was sympathetic but unwilling to offer me a place to stay. As a teenager I learnt that men would are willing give me a safe place to stay in return for ‘favours’. This led to the series of abusive and controlling relationships i have been in and out of over several years.

i present as very strong and confident because I have to be - I am always on alert and anxious waiting for the rug to get pulled out from underneath my feet again.
I am constantly exhausted from presenting this image to the world that I am fine when really I am TERRIFIED of every little thing and my self-esteem is horrid because I hate myself for the things I have had to do to survive. I don’t have any friends or family because I don’t trust anyone… the closest I’ve got is my manipulative partner who I wish I could leave but I am to scared to live on my own again after being a victim of robery! I work part time, I study part time and I put on a very brave face every day. my psychologist saud not to think about the past but I think about my past obsessively - it consumes me and drowns me in sorrow. Does anyone else search for answers to their past because they just don’t understand it? Is this consistent with C-PTSD?

[Scapegoated]

Hi,

I think it is really commendable that you protected your children first. That is what Mothers are supposed to do. My mother is a sociopath/narcissit and she has abused me in narcissitic rages since i was two and a half(my first memory is of her chasing me with a vacuum and hoisting myself up on a couch or ottoman). The memories come slowly. It doesn't all hit you at once. At least that is what I have read. I am 15 and I am in touch with everything that was done to me-I am sure I am in denial of some of it but i remember all of it intellectually(cognitively). I am still stuck living with my mother for two more years before i go to Uni. But I think I can handle it becasue since i grew taller she cannot beat me anymore. She did much worse things to me with her vicousness. She has no conscience and deliberately harms me with her cruel words. I don't want to be anything like her ever. She is so gross in every conceivable way. My father says he loves me but it's been promises promises my whole life. At 11 I really believed he would finally be my hero. he promised me he would leave her if i stayed with him and I was like, "of course! Dad, I would NEVER stay with her!' He turns a blind eye and pretends she is a "wonderful mother." because she only rarely slips in front of him and says something horrifically cruel to me. she has slipped so many times that he deliberately turns a blind eye. He got a better position at work a few months after the promise when I was 11 and my mother told him he was a drunk who could never make it on his own. she is a secretary and he is brilliant but she is manipulative of him and denegrates him like she denegrates me and everyone in th eworld. He talks non stop about everyone else's supposed defects when in fact she is projecting her own sick defects onto everyone else. I relaized this at 14. But recently due to the covid situation and my having to be near her inside all the time I just could not handle her anymore. Her gaslighting, crazymaking, sick twisted worldview. So I just got out of the hospital. I don't know how much longer i can stand being locked in a house with her. It reminds me everyday of what she said to me when i was little. My body dysmorphia is so bad I want to die sometimes. I thought my father was just unaware but now I realize he is aware of how mean she is to me and is a coward. he refuses to rescue ,me like a real man. . He was my hero He just used me to get away from her.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Scapegoated, 

We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way right now, and for all that you have been through. We want you to know that we are here for you and that you don't have to go through this alone.

What is most important to us is that you are safe. If, at anytime, you feel unsafe please call 000 straight away. 

If you want to chat, you can use our webchat  service from 11am - Midnight everyday.

We have reached out to you privately to check in as well as here on the forums. 

Thank you for sharing your story with us here today, it must have taken a huge amount of courage to write this and post it to the forums. Thank you for being you and making this community a better place. 

Kind regards, 
Sophie M