Christmas woetide!

[Deb777]

I was diagnosed with PTSD after workplace incidences over 10 years ago and really haven't progressed since. My other family members I had to cut out of my life after last Christmas when my youngest brother who is 36 years old was again became violent towards me and threatened me after we were trying to have a discussion about him running up my mothers bills to $1400 a quarter and refusing to pay for them or any board whilst he was living there. My mother sat there and basically allowed him to attack me, bringing up things from when I first became sick years ago and how they all felt sorry for my daughter having a bad mum like me. I left when he threatened to kick my arse outside and my mother just told me to leave and it was my fault because I should have shut my mouth. When I got home, my mother rang me to remind me not to tell my aunt and uncle about my brothers behaviour as they and other extended family are unaware that for over 20 years he has been in and out of Youth Detention Centres and Remand centres for serious crimes for violence, drugs and burglaries. When another aunt died earlier this year who I was the closest to, my mother out of nastiness said I was not required at the funeral and then wonders why I will not speak to her as it was done out of pure nastiness.

So for the past year I have had nothing to do with my family. I still send presents to each of the nieces and nephews and my daughter would still go to their birthdays when invited, even though I was not invited. My mother tends to play each child against the other, so my sister has cut me out of their lives believing that I have ignored my mother for no reason and are punishing her for our brothers behaviour. We have another brother who walked away from the family over ten years ago due to this other brother as well and it appears my mother would rather lose the 'decent' children than ask the troubled brother to leave.

Fast forward to Christmas and my only daughter in her 20's has decided to spend Christmas with my family, leaving me home alone all day as she is too scared to say no to avoid trouble as they sent her nasty messages when she did not celebrate her birthday with them. I am deeply wounded and just feel like just running away as I feel like I am being punished for this time not accepting the family violence as in the past I have so they did not cut me off. Why do bad people always win?

[Copacabana]

Hi Deb777,

I too am alone today Christmas day. My, how my life has changed these last few years! Christmas was a fabulous time for us as a family. I had an 'open door' day with plenty of food for anyone who was homeless, alone or needed company on that day. These days, the children I have raised to be king and decent human beings have turned against me and I have been excluded from any contact with my youngest daughter who is married with two children. I adored my grandson who was five years old when I last saw him- he is 8. Another grandchild was born since but the last time I spoke to my daughter was when she announced to me that she was pregnant. I never saw the baby, a girl, and I don't know her name. I live with my oldest daughter who is 43 and she has been against me practically since she was born! She was very clingy as a child and when her sister was born (7 years difference) she claimed I loved that sister more than her. Things got sour when I divorced their father who poisoned their brains every time they visited him (he was reluctant for them to visit and I insisted they should, after all he is their father). I subsequently remarried a man who had NPD with a border line psychopath traits. I only discovered his true self when upon losing all our possessions a psychologist diagnosed him as such and told me to run... I couldn't run because ... where to? How? Can I fix him? We lived together for another 3 years renting a house but things of course didn't work as he was spending whatever money I was making... and creating debts that I could not afford to repay. Finally, I left him after 25 years and in the meantime, my youngest daughter got married also to a psychopath who seeing that she loved me began to damage our relationship so much so, that the day of the wedding I was barely acknowledged in her speech and it went downhill since. I stood by her as by now I knew the danger she was in. She got pregnant and had a son ... However the son in law who was extremely jealous and has a vicious character, did everything in his power to put my daughter against me criticising me for telling her about observations I had regarding her son's health. I witnessed many things that were alarming to me and harmful to my grandchild. My daughter reacted badly to my advice and forbade me to see him or her. So here I am... although after nearly 3 years, I got a bunch of flowers and a note to say that she thought of me every day and that she loved me.

[quirkywords]

Hi deb777and Copacabana and everyone, greetings to all,

Welcome to you both to this forum. This is a friendly, supportive, caring, safe and non judgmental place.

Deb777 as you can see from Copacabana's post you are not alone. I am sorry both of you are alone today.

It is sad that this time of year which should be one of kindness and joy and of spending time with family, often ends up in disputes and loneliness.

Both of you are experiencing the loss of the company of your loved ones at this special time.

Deb77 , you ask why do bad people always win? I know it may seem like that but after today your daughter will come back to you. You have been assertive and to have stood up to your brother and you hopefully have peace of mind as you have followed your beliefs. Your mother possibly wants to protect her most troubled child . It is a very difficult an painful situation and you have done what is best for your health.

Copacabana, You have a very complicated story too, I felt your last line was hopeful.." I got a bunch of flowers and a note to say that she thought of me everyday and that she loved me". That is priceless and worth more than any present. That must have brightened up your day.

Thinking of you both and all those people feeling alone to day ,

sending kind thoughts to all.

Quirky

[Copacabana]

This was on the 30th November. Yet, today on Christmas day, I am alone with not a word from her. I feel betrayed, hurt and let down. My whole life was devoted to my children (perhaps a mistake) and the rewards in my old age are non-existent. Deep down, I don't want to reconcile because I am afraid for my grandson and don't want to be a witness to his torment. So, I am accepting of the situation. I don't feel terrible about being overlooked it is the act of it that is horrible. How can a child of mine be so cruel to its mother. A mother is the most precious thing for a child. I was born to be a mother. They have taken away my right and it devastates me.