Child of Disfunction.

[JENJENJEN]

Many years ago i found my way in to ACA. I was in so much denial that i was reenacting my childhood traumas in my adult life. I made progress, but alas a year ago a move to a different state and work pressures i fell back into my same unhealthy pattern of procrastination and self pity. I am now in full blown relapse and with the current state of affairs in the world feeling more isolated then ever. I see no clear path but i know i have to get help and most importantly support.

With no way to connect with people in person i am taking a leap into the online world. Doing something is better than doing nothing right? Its daunting to be back at the beginning and the programmed defaults in me tell me to give up it too hard. But what I'm certain of is i need to stop waiting for something to change and actually be the change that i need in my own life.

I know i am not alone in my feelings and that gives me some comfort. I would love to connect with people who may be feeling similars feelings. I am only alone if i allow myself to feel alone. .

[Croix]

Dear JENJENJEN~

Welcome, you are not alone here. I'll have to admit my ignorance and say I"m not sure what ACA is, my apologies.

Now I'm sorry that the move and job has set you back, just a job alone can be a huge stressor, do you still have it and is htere anything abut this ob that is worryng you most at hte moment?

Tp change states can be a big wrench, all is strange, for one thing the people you knew, even just at the shops, are all gone and a new set is there. Is there anyone you do know in your new location?

Plus of course you have where you moved to, did you find somewhere reasonable and affordable?

So of course you need support, anyone would, you have childhood trauma on top -a real and very long lasting injury. It is hard to get the ball rolling, and I'd expect you need tools, like an internet connection and a phone ,maybe a coputer too.

[Croix]

Sorry -the internet is a bit jumpy and my post whistled off before I'd finished:(

Anyway those tools give you access to those where you were, did you have anyone who was there for you and gave you support? On the screen is not quite the same, but can be a comfort.

You are spot on saying "i need to stop waiting for something to change and actually be the change that i need in my own life." Would you like to tell me what ideas you have had so far?

While I think of it if you don't mind my suggestions there are places here you'd be welcome to join in:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/coping-during-the-coronavirus-o...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/how-to-take-practical-advantage...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/store-your-happy-memories-here-

The first is how people are coping with everyday life due to the massive change brought on by the virus, the second looks at ways of connecting with others and trying out things to enjoy. The third is simply a place to read happy memories of other people, and if you wanted to, put down one of your own.

There are just snippets, there is an awful lot here

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone

is just one example.

If you find you would like to talk to others who may have had childhood trauma there is a section here

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/ptsd-trauma

I've popped down a few ideas, but have not really given you much chance to talk abut yourself and your situation. If you would like to you would be very welcome and met with care and understanding.

I look forward to talking with you more

Croix