Can't do it alone anymore

[TBella]

I ended up with PTSD 5 years ago as a result of working for an abusive, violent man, who also had leadership role in church! I also injured my neck working for him & now live with chronic pain. I was sexually abused as a child & also grew up in domestic violence- my dad a Vietnam Vet suffered with PTSD also but went undiagnosed until the 1990's

i also have 7 other medical conditions related/ connected to PTSD! I've had to deal with it alone for past 5 years as all my friends left me & ive not heard from them since telling them I have PTSD & depression! This added deep grief to the mix to deal with as well . 5 years is along time to deal with it all alone & I ve come to the point where I can't do it alone anymore. I need some support & connection!

[Starwolf]

Thank you for replying. This has to be brief as I'm about to lose sat net due to stormy weather.

Bella, there's not much you can do about feeling the way you do but you can be kind to yourself and give yourself a break...none of this is your fault.

Daily practice of mindfulness does help as it helps stay focused on the here and now instead of being trapped in an uncooperative mind. Smiling Mind is a useful app. It is much like building up any seldom/never used muscle. Persistence and small steps are the key. Western cultures don't mention that the mind can actually be trained and controlled. Having been left unchecked for so long, it resents being reined in. Calm repetition does it. How stubborn are you ???

Wishing you a peaceful evening.

[TBella]

Thanks

[Guest_9809]

Hi Bella.

Thats lovely of you to be thinking of me! You really shouldnt though, as you already have enough to think about.

Like you, I guess I have been struggling somewhat. But I think I am a little better the past couple of days. If you are interested in updates, I have a thread in the long term support section, which I tend to post to at least once a week. You would be most welcome of course, and may well have something to add.

Meantime, your hugs and kind thoughts are received with much gratitude, and returned to you two-fold.

Take good care of yourself. Starwolf's advice about Mindfulness is good. I am still trying to get the hang of it after my psych encouraged me to give it a go about 12 months ago. It certainly doesnt come easy though!

Feeling grumpy and agitated? Yep, it unfortunately comes with the (PTSD) territory. I really love how you have managed to get around some of the other threads though Bella, as your support of others is fantastic to see.

I hope you have a calm and restful weekend. And if you need to talk during the weekend, I expect to be around.

Taurus xx

[TBella]

Thanks so much 🙂

i shall check out your thread!

Have yourself an awesome weekend;)

x x TBella

[Croix]

Dear TBella~

You said it so much better than me, I'm ok on facts, but you put in the feeling which is probably more effective in the long run - awesome.

Croix

[TBella]

Oh thank you Croix

I think it was great to have a male point of view. I like understanding the differences of how male & females process & deal with things.

Its good to have the balance of feeling & rational. They compliment each other I think.

And I love your pearls of wisdom. I always look forward to your posts.

Hope you're having a good weekend

TBella 🙂

[Bella2311]

Hi TBella, I read your post of the 4th Feb. 2017 and was touched that you replied to my post of today when you have so much happening with yourself. My problems seem small compared to yours. If I can help in anyway please let me know. Hang in there kid, it's got to get better for you. Thinking of you, Bella2311.

[TBella]

Thank you for your kind words

Please don't think your troubles are less than mine- there not. There just as real and you deserve support too!

i love to encourage others & I learnt a long time ago that the best time to do something for someone else is when your at your lowest. It is good for me to forget about me for awhile. And reach out to others.

I have never minded all the trauma & pain I have been through if I can use it to help someone else.

And I do understand how oppressive it can feel to live with a Vietnam Vet with PTSD! They really don't mean to be so difficult- they're just broken & hurting & don't know how to fix it. Which is a hard thing for men ( especially) of that era to accept!

So please know I'm happy to help you however I can. And I promise I will let you know if I'm having a not coping Day !

x hugs x

TBella

[Croix]

Dear TBella~

Thank you. The male perspective - um. OK, I don't think my talking will do any harm, might make you a little sad.

I can't speak for vets - mine was police as you know, what I can say is for me going into it I knew things were getting worse, had for a long time. When in it I did not understand it all , anymore than I could understand why sometimes I'd start to cry. The idea of 'fixing it' was not even on the table, it was all my inadequacy and my fault, not something to fix, just overwhelming.

That is one reason it is so had/impossible to respond to loved ones. I saw a movie once about a cute robot that kept saying 'input' . I guess my input was at its max and that little extra input was too much added to what was already taking everything.

I did worry about lashing out when disturbed, thankfully I never did, though guilty of jumping up and shouting. I can understand those that say they wanted to be away from loved ones for that reason.

I'm in danger of feeling sorry for myself, so time to do something else.

My melancholy tone is not due to your influence, I'm worried about a friend.

Croix

[Croix]

P.S. Forgot to emphasize. I'm not cured but so far better it's unreal. Live a life loved and loving with accomplishment and satisfaction. Many who were afflicted in later years get just about whole again.

- I'm good

-C