Both Parents died during childhood.

[second time]

Hi Just wondering if anybody else here also lost both parents during there childhood. Interested in sharing how this 'unique' experience impacted us.

[quirkywords]

Second time

please accept my sympathies, I know sone e whose mother died in chi,d birth and his dad died when he was 16.

I have no idea what it is like but it must be traumatic and confusing. My friend fir d it hard and dropped out of school and started drinking, He was oartyin* firvtwobyears to cover his grief,.

i hope more people with lived experience reply.

i wanted you to know this is a safe place  and we are listening to you. 

[QuietOak]

My dad got cancer when I was young and gradually deteriorated until he passed when I was 12. My parents had divorced after my dad was diagnosed. While my mum was sort of there, and I lived with her after my dad died I felt alone.

I am only just realisaing the impact this has had on me. I have read a lot recently about emotional neglect and complex PTSD and for the first time am getting some perspective though it is knocking me around.

Personally I'm a high introvert, constantly anxious, very analytical, completely isolated and have a lot of passive suicidal thoughts. I've been tested for and diagnosed with many disorders and none really stuck. I now strongly feel what is holding me back is the trauma, and not having a parent to rely on or feel accepted by. 

I have been able to stay on top of the symptoms of poor mental health when life has not been too crazy.

Is any of this relatable? how do you feel it's affected you?

[Sophie_M]

Hi  QuietOak,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post and will be reaching out to you privately to offer you some additional support this evening.
 
We are so sorry for your loss and for the trauma this has left you carrying; it can make it very difficult when we are introverted, as in reaching out for support, it takes so much courage.   We can hear that you have been working so hard to look after your mental health so far, we would assume you are already engaged with a health professional?  If not, please reach out to them, such as your GP to let them know how you are feeling! 

In the meantime, we would love for you to give one of our fully trained counsellors a call for some counselling support, we are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our WebChat.  In addition, our lovely friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are always there for you whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with.

Thank you again for reaching out, we will leave you in the hands of our lovely community members who will be here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M

[second time]

I am sorry for your loss's QuietOak, It is a complex and unique story which runs some parallels. I was 12 when my mum died from complications arising from he M.S, I had watched her suffer wheelchair and bedridden for most of my life, So I can relate with mum some of what you experienced with your father and witnessing them defencless to care for there child, and the pain of not being able to help.

My Father took his own life (Before mum died) so not having those two building blocks-your parents, to look after you is something in a different way I shared. I had deep layers of abandonment for many years. Like you say not having a parent to rely on-My brother and I had to grow up quicker then we should. My brother also took his own life last year, and its put my life on replay, as I detective any little clue to make sence out of something happening so horrific in my life twice.

I always knew how impacting our childhood was, but now as it has taken my brothers life, its like I have new goggles of seeing how clearly deep this was. To not have the love of parents and to have abandonment and grieving pain at such a foundational period has massive ramifications.

In ways its not all bad, some of the most endearing qualities I have is because of my hardships..

I guess strengths forged out of weaknesses. But when stresses become overwhelming-there is a deep well of pain that sits in the past that most people have fields of happy memories.

Have you read the book The Deepest Well by DR Nadine Burke Harris? she has a good ted talk-very relevent to our stories.

Look fwd to sharing a little more if you want?