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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Egbert97 Sibling Abuse
  • replies: 4

I'm gonna try make this quick before I recede back into myself. I think, like most all people here, I have a history of mental health problems. Namely I go through bouts of depression & anxiety- sometimes it isn't so bad, other times its terrible. I'... View more

I'm gonna try make this quick before I recede back into myself. I think, like most all people here, I have a history of mental health problems. Namely I go through bouts of depression & anxiety- sometimes it isn't so bad, other times its terrible. I'm in that terrible place right now. Now I like actively seeking to understand and resolve myself. I fought my problems whilst I was school fairly actively: I joined the public speaking team, I saw counsellors, I made a concerned effort to connect with people & maintain friendships and I opened my feelings to them. It worked pretty well. But now I'm out of school and working a lot of those safeguards have been removed, and although it could be worse, I'm still struggling. And I think I've found the prime mover for a lot of my problems. My older brother is 4 years older than me and from the ages of 12-16 I was victim of what I think is abuse. Despite being mildly bullied at school, home wasn't a particularly pleasant place for me. My brother and I were always fighting and I feel his actions were unjustified. I have blurry memories of instances of physical and emotional abuse. I remember him tackling me through dry wall once. I remember him hurting me with a pencil. I remember him throwing a salt shaker that narrowly missed me. I remember regular physical fights that left me in tears and my ears ringing, and when I hid in my room he'd sing and laugh at me, taunting me and, afterwards, he'd nonchalantly watch TV, and I'd be stuck in my room for hours because I didn't want the confrontation. To be fair he gave a lot of my family a tough time (even now we physically fight- yes he lives with us still). We couldn't sit near each other at the dinner table. He lived with my grandparents at one point. I used to have dreams of me fighting him, but every time he felt nothing, like my hands were made of nothing. There's so much else that I can remember, and so much else I feel I've forgotten. I've traced a lot of my current-day issues to him, and now there's nothing more I want to do than to hurt him the way he's hurt me, but even so the idea makes me want to cry, and I tremor and get scared. Any form of confrontation with him amplifies these reactions. My depression and anxiety is getting worse, and I know how bad it can get. Is it safe to assume that my childhood experiences with my brother are the reason, or at least, a partial reason for this? What should I do?

luft_ A grief I can't shift
  • replies: 3

As a child I was raised by my maternal grandparents and lost my grandfather to Alzheimer's Disease at age 15. I was completely destroyed as both he and my grandmother were my world. My grandfather was a very kind man with not a bad bone in his body. ... View more

As a child I was raised by my maternal grandparents and lost my grandfather to Alzheimer's Disease at age 15. I was completely destroyed as both he and my grandmother were my world. My grandfather was a very kind man with not a bad bone in his body. He was quiet, but at the same time he was very merry, loved to joke, sing Italian opera and loved kids. I couldn't have asked for better grandparents and life was basically perfect, minus the fact I was teased a lot at school for having Italian grandparents who couldn't speak English. They grew all their own food, spent their days making pasta and pasta sauce en-masse. I kind of grew up like someone would have in the early 20th century - at night we would eat cheese after dinner, go for our evening passeggiata and then play cards. The days I would spend in the orchard playing with the chickens or following my grandfather around the garage, or learn to sew. I learnt to read and write in Italian before I went to school, and during school I practised Italian literacy and history for an hour each day. I never really did fit in with many people because my upbringing was so starkly different to every other child in the 1990s. I still feel dreadful from my grandfather's death and a big part of me mourns a way of living that no longer exists in our modern. For the most part, I feel like no one really gets me, except for people about 50 years older than me with whom I seem to get along quite well. Fast forward to the last few years and in the space of one year both my dogs died after being poisoned by a next door neighbour, then my grandmother who raised me died quite suddenly. Now only several months my other grandmother with whom I am quite close now has cancer. Death is inevitable, and I know this, but with all those closest to me dying - particularly now in the past year - I don't really know how to cope. I feel like I have nothing good left in my life or no one to really live for. I would love to regain a new sense of purpose.

Kate_B Husband just diagnosed with PTSD
  • replies: 19

Hi, very new to all of this. My husband has just been diagnosed with PTSD which I can see now that he has been suffering with for years. I am trying to be supportive but am sick of the verbal abuse I receive when I point out his anger outbursts. He s... View more

Hi, very new to all of this. My husband has just been diagnosed with PTSD which I can see now that he has been suffering with for years. I am trying to be supportive but am sick of the verbal abuse I receive when I point out his anger outbursts. He swears at our 3 children for no reason and I can't listen to this anymore. We just left his doctors office who had requested me to attend to work together in getting him a plan and discuss triggers. We are working on baby steps, this includes us going camping. I pointed out that this could trigger outbursts if he couldn't find his camping equipment. When we left the doctors, he fully abused me for not supporting him in his interests, to the point he questioned why we are married. I don't know what to do, I'm always in the wrong. I am trying to look after mine and my children's wellbeing but still staying supportive to my husband. I don't know how much more I can take......

Tufflife Long hard fight
  • replies: 8

Hello all finding it hard to cope. My first experience with ptsd was when I was 7 years old. It was my first time fishing on a beach. I heard a scream, and turned around to see a man fall from a cliff. I was not far way and it still haunts me. It was... View more

Hello all finding it hard to cope. My first experience with ptsd was when I was 7 years old. It was my first time fishing on a beach. I heard a scream, and turned around to see a man fall from a cliff. I was not far way and it still haunts me. It was sureel I can remember running around screaming for help. I felt so help less. Once the ambos got there and carefully got him on to trolley and in ambo he was dead in a few minutes. I was left with nightmares for several years, and started bed wetting which lasted years. Since that day I am scared of heights. My second ptsd experience was on 8/03/98 was a car accident into a tree, l got knocked out and woke up inside my car which was well alight, and full of smoke. The doors would not open, it got scary. Had to wind down window to get out. One night in hospital, and 3 days off work. Did 2 days of work and it was the weekend, felt lucky to be alive, the ptsd did not hit me yet. But that Saturday 14/03/98 I was in the city crossing flinders st and got hit by a police car speeding with no lights or sirens on. Did not get knocked out, remember it like yesterday. Almost lost my leg. 4 months in wheel chair 8 months off work. I was 20 years old in my prime, long hard road to recovery. I have been battling the black dog on and off since then, used alcohol and drugs for many years to self medicate. Have had on going back problems since then. For the last 19 years life has been a real struggle. I worry to much and all the other problems that come with ptsd. Lost most of my friends and have not had a girl friend since then. My life is a mess can't seem to get my shit together. With every passing year l look back and wish it was my last year alive. I am a broken man with no hope, goals or dreams. I am tired of fighting to stay alive. I have read some of the members story's and help u give each other. It has given me hope. And l don't feel alone, knowing there are people going though this life changing terrible stuff.

Guest_029 Stroke with a soul
  • replies: 4

Not sure this is the right avenue and won`t know unless I have ago Am aged in the mid 50`s and have had 2 strokes one in 2005 and one in 2009, each time having depression,anxiety and PTSD issues, that at the time didn`t realise I had. Means of commun... View more

Not sure this is the right avenue and won`t know unless I have ago Am aged in the mid 50`s and have had 2 strokes one in 2005 and one in 2009, each time having depression,anxiety and PTSD issues, that at the time didn`t realise I had. Means of communication with others in the same boat was unavailable and thoughts of leaving family members, is part of the reason I am still here. So this topic is to share and hopefully it will gain a soul.

Mr_Walker Underestimating my PTSD (Trigger warning, descriptions of violence)
  • replies: 17

Is it okay to describe my traumatic event here? Please don't read on if it will make you anxious - I gave some advice on an anxiety thread that I realized I haven't always been following myself with my PTSD - that is, because I don't see my traumatic... View more

Is it okay to describe my traumatic event here? Please don't read on if it will make you anxious - I gave some advice on an anxiety thread that I realized I haven't always been following myself with my PTSD - that is, because I don't see my traumatic event as being as "serious" or "as bad" as many other people's (which it isn't) - I think I "shouldn't" be suffering PTSD for it - I should just "get over it". Also because my anxiety has been quite extreme and much more of a handicap in my life, I've put up with the milder PTSD problems while I try to deal with the anxiety. In my case my dad was very angry and violent and hit us kids quite a lot (out of anger rather than discipline) but for whatever reason, the event that I suffer PTSD over was of witnessing him beating the animals on our farm - though we were terrified of him personally - it was seeing him hitting the animals with sticks, rakes, shovels etc. that has affected my sister and I all our lives. We could always hear the animals screaming out (indeed neighbouring farms rang the RSPCA a number of times) but we always avoided going out to see what was happening. When I was around 7 years old, my older sister encouraged/made me go out to see what was going on and he was hitting one of the animals in the milking pen as hard as he possibly could with a garden stake - the sight of it trying to escape with it's head stuck in the stock of the milking pen and the uncontrolled rage that my dad had has stuck with me for more than 30 years. (I saw him beat them many more times but that first occasion just got stuck in my head) It would happen at night in the dark and the milking shed would be all lit up so it was the only thing you could see (I can STILL see it!) I very often had nightmares, flashbacks, sometimes vomiting when I thought of it and it fed into my anxiety in a big way - I was always anxious that I would accidentally anger someone (forget their name, bump my shopping trolley into them, refuse to donate to their charity...!) but the picture of what anger LOOKED like was that image of my dad. Besides the relief of talking about it, my point is that it doesn't matter if it was a big or small thing that traumatized us - the affect on our lives can be just as devastating - I wish I had taken it much more seriously, much earlier on... thanks for letting me share, J.

Some1 Ex partner of an Aspie. Anyone else feel the same?
  • replies: 4

24 hours a day I relieve every bad moment, I cant escape the memories. I want to forget it. But I feel its my fault. I was in my final year at school when I got involved with an older guy who had Asperger's Syndrome. Like all relationships its starte... View more

24 hours a day I relieve every bad moment, I cant escape the memories. I want to forget it. But I feel its my fault. I was in my final year at school when I got involved with an older guy who had Asperger's Syndrome. Like all relationships its started out great - he was my first (well lots of things). He lived with his elder family members to help them with physical stuff as they aged. A couple of years after school, things changed, (from what I have researched ASD becomes harder to manage in men in their 20-30s) and this was proven true.. He went 'missing' on several occasions, to the point at times I had to supply pictures for a 'missing person' poster, he would return after I had spent countless hours scared and crying and not see that anything 'bad' had happened. After this, his family found it best (for themselves) that he now survived on his own - which only meant he then relied on my family support. (All the love to my family - but no one in my small town understood Aspergers, or that it meant he was unable to manage a normal life) this meant I was all alone to deal with everything as it got worse. I loved him but I shortly fell into that big of a whole I resented him, his family his stupid illness. He became controlling (although I still don't know if I can blame him or the ASD), I had to dry dishes in a certain way, cook dinner at the right time, get his clothes so he could go to work. But I couldn't just walk out he would have no one - he cant survive life on his own. Fast forward.. 2 years of the most unhappiest strict relationship. I. HAD. TO. LEAVE. I left, he threated suicide in a public manner to our entire town, on several occasions - they blamed me ( I BLAMED ME!!) He got help, everyone sympathised with him (I Sympathised with him) Until he started to control my life I was livng with out him. He moved back to his family. Life was good (UNTIL), I found a new relationship (bless him he makes me happier than ever) and it started again, I would get cartoon pictures of suicide sent to me all hours of the night, phone called constant 24/7. I involved the police. He got a new girlfriend, They came to town. It started again and then... It was over. He lost control of his life, and went to jail (for nothing that involves me - he assaulted people, police offices, drove recklessly etc), But he is now out. I am petrified of what may happen, and yet I feel IT. IS. ALL. MY. FAULT.

tooniceguy no one else
  • replies: 29

Long story really short, When I was 21 my best friend murdered his parents. He told me about it afterwards. I made a statement to the police.....and it took 3 years but he was eventually charged and tried......then 3 years later there was another ret... View more

Long story really short, When I was 21 my best friend murdered his parents. He told me about it afterwards. I made a statement to the police.....and it took 3 years but he was eventually charged and tried......then 3 years later there was another retrial. And then finally 3 years after that his accomplice was tried. I had to testify in all 3 cases.......I couldn't talk to anyone about it and still can't..... It cost me 10 years of my life and then a whole lot more. I feel so isolated anyone, I've ever tried to talk about it too just looks at me like I'm crazy. I just don"t know how to move on.....i cant trust anyone,i cant get close to anyone. And absolutely no one gets it. End rant

Ms_H PTSD from Emotional Abuse?
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, A couple of questions: I was wondering whether anyone had any information on what exactly constitutes emotional abuse? Is it possible to develop PTSD years after the abuse happened? Can a clinical psychologist diagnose PTSD, or can only ... View more

Hi everyone, A couple of questions: I was wondering whether anyone had any information on what exactly constitutes emotional abuse? Is it possible to develop PTSD years after the abuse happened? Can a clinical psychologist diagnose PTSD, or can only a GP/Psychiatrist do that? I'm having a lot of trouble sorting through my past and memories. I thought I just had depression, but my psychologist thinks I have PTSD. I've never experienced any sexual or physical abuse. However I'm starting to remember a volatile emotional environment at home when I was a teenager and young adult which is starting to really bother me. I'm finding it hard to sleep or work - I feel jittery and exhausted, and I have moments of intense emotion or panic, and sometimes I feel like I am not really inside my body. I have stressful memories playing on repeat inside my head all day. I don't get any nightmares or hallucinations though and I feel like therapy might have actually brought this on - I was just feeling regular depressed before therapy - but now I'm experiencing all these other symptoms. So I'm not sure it's PTSD or just therapy making me remember things that make me feel bad. It's pretty confusing because I also remember plenty of warm, happy family times, and currently have a good relationship with my parents. So I swing between intense anger at them, and extreme guilt and anger towards myself for even having bad thoughts about them. It's exhausting! I'd love some advice Ms H

TBella Longing for May To Over Already
  • replies: 15

I'm struggling with the month of May. May is full of painful memories & reminders of loss & grief. Mothers day the reminder that I will never be a mum- all I have ever wanted since I was 5 years old was to grow up & be a good mum! The anniversary of ... View more

I'm struggling with the month of May. May is full of painful memories & reminders of loss & grief. Mothers day the reminder that I will never be a mum- all I have ever wanted since I was 5 years old was to grow up & be a good mum! The anniversary of my dad's death & loss of losing a close friend, actually the love of my life, on the same day, different years. And my sisters harsh reaction towards me having PTSD- that it's just a label I'm using to stay a victim. Her harsh judgement has made me feel so alone & like I can't honestly say how I'm feeling. I have to pretend I'm ok when I'm not, when I desperately just a hug & support coz I too am only human! I go through this every May. I got through it for the last 21years so I guess I will get through this May too. I just want May to hurry up and be over!