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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Eveee INVISIBLE WALL OF FEAR
  • replies: 2

Hello, So I am constantly writing my thoughts out in my journal and thought instead of doing that tonight, maybe I should write to someone who might understand what I am going through. Basically, I am stuck. Everything was going well for me until mid... View more

Hello, So I am constantly writing my thoughts out in my journal and thought instead of doing that tonight, maybe I should write to someone who might understand what I am going through. Basically, I am stuck. Everything was going well for me until mid last year when I "lost my marbles" so to speak. I had severe panic attacks, kept running away (I'm married and I'm almost 30 years old might I add) suicide attempts etc - literally, everything I knew about myself had changed. I had PTSD & depression in my teens but I thought I had it all under control. I know I have anxiety and depression amongst other diagnosed illness's. This time last year, I was starting to get back on top of things, I eventually went back to work and started to feel like myself again. And then its changed AGAIN. Fast forward 9 months and I am stuck. I have stopped seeing my Psychologist, I don't like leaving the house without my wife, she's definitely my safety blanket and I have stopped going to work. Because of all of this, we are financially strained, my wife is constantly on the watch incase I have a "Eve 24 or 48" which is basically after I have a panic attack, I shut down and don't talk or try and run away into the night and this can last up to a couple of days. I hate this about myself and I know that the right thing to do is to get back to work, see my psychologist and all the other obvious strategies. But I just can't seem to push past this invisible wall of fear and avoidance and it is crippling not only myself but my family too. Theres obviously more to my story but I will leave it at that. Thanks for listening/reading. Looking forward to getting to know you all. Thank you, Eve

FreshStart Losing a loved one
  • replies: 7

My Grandfather and I were extremely close. The relationship I had with him was stronger than any of the relationships I have with any of my other family members. The bond between us was unbreakable. If I was having a crap day, his presence was all I ... View more

My Grandfather and I were extremely close. The relationship I had with him was stronger than any of the relationships I have with any of my other family members. The bond between us was unbreakable. If I was having a crap day, his presence was all I needed in order to make things better. Two months ago, I watched him as he passed away. I was just a few houses down when I heard screaming I had to come back. I got back into the room and everyone was silent, the nurses told us he could still hear us and told us to talk to him, what on earth are you supposed to say? I knew he couldn’t respond, but I still waited for him to open his eyes and answer me. I didn’t want to let go of him. They told us this day was coming, he was very ill. I had convinced myself that he would make it, that everyone coming to visit and crying was just unnecessary and confronting for him. I had spent the whole day with him the day that he passed. It hurt seeing him laying there, clearly in pain, just looking around at everyone in the room, helpless. I literally walked out of the room for 5 minutes, and that’s when I got called back in. It happened so quickly. I hated myself for not being there. About 30 mins before he passed, I was sitting beside him. It was as if something was telling me I needed to take a picture of him. I had to do it. I pulled my phone out and snapped a sneaky picture. No one knew at the time, and no one knows now that I still have the photo. I never would have thought that this would be the last picture of him, minutes before he passed. It hurts. There is not a single day that goes by that I don’t think about him. He was the only one who could make me feel better about myself and the things going on around me. With life's struggles, I don’t know who to turn to. I feel like I’ve been left alone, in some sort of hole. I don’t want to talk to family about it and I honestly feel better just being alone. My mood has definitely changed and I have become a lot more carefree than what I used to be. I’ve tried talking but it doesn’t seem to get me far. Sleeping has also become a lot more difficult for me. No matter how hard I try to relax before bed, constant thoughts running through my head keep me up until the early hours of the morning. Any suggestions on how to get my life back on track would be greatly appreciated. Thank you xx P.S: I apologise if this has brought back any negative memories for anyone. I honestly just needed to get it off my chest.

Larn2360 I am not coping with my life
  • replies: 2

Im just not sure what to do anymore. I dont know what is reality or false, truth or lies. My immediate family have disowned me, my 4 children r in the care of other people. I am a victim of domestic violence, and dont know how to leave the relationsh... View more

Im just not sure what to do anymore. I dont know what is reality or false, truth or lies. My immediate family have disowned me, my 4 children r in the care of other people. I am a victim of domestic violence, and dont know how to leave the relationship. If i leave i have nowhere to live and no belongings. I am scared. I am sick of the pain that depression, anxiety and ptsd are causing me. I just dont know which way to turn anymore. Please help me

PurpleJade Needing support almost one year later.
  • replies: 6

This is the first time I've told anyone but my closest friend and just recently in brief my psych. Obviously people know what happened but this feels different, my personal stuff I guess. Almost a year ago I broke up with my partner of 8 years. It wa... View more

This is the first time I've told anyone but my closest friend and just recently in brief my psych. Obviously people know what happened but this feels different, my personal stuff I guess. Almost a year ago I broke up with my partner of 8 years. It was mutual. Anyway, after taking him to Drs, psych, hospital.. turns out it wasn't enough. I found him the day I went to pack my things, dead inside. He commited suicide. Im struggling with ptsd. As much as I can 'function' it's so damn hard. One of the hardest things is that I have lost everyone. I have just one person for support who also needs me.. I'm finding it hard to feel supported by my fam.. I go to their house and there is pics of me and him everywhere.. I can't stand it.. Plus I'm never allowed to feel down, nothing is ever mentioned to do with me (thankful for in a way). I don't know what I'm expecting from this.. Just feel so low.. Also my psych said we can't start any work on my ptsd or trauma because I haven't explored my attachment issues.. which is hard cause I need help with my ptsd.. I don't know, does anyone have some tips.. Anything would be appreciated.. Maybe some activities or something that helps with ptsd.. Sorry for the long post.. And thank you for your time..

Alaska_young Not sure if I have PTSD
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I'm not sure where to start.. I have struggled a lot in the last few years and when I think I'm 'getting better' I seem to get worse. At the moment I feel so low, alone and unable to cope. Everything is an effort and when I do get a moment to... View more

Hi all, I'm not sure where to start.. I have struggled a lot in the last few years and when I think I'm 'getting better' I seem to get worse. At the moment I feel so low, alone and unable to cope. Everything is an effort and when I do get a moment to myself I sit in bed and cry. As a child my father was verbally abusive to us kids and physically abusive to my mother, I have learned never to speak back to anyone and have often been taken advantage of throughout my life. I have always been withdrawn socially and unable to make friends or maintain meangingful relationships with others. I have always isolated myself and moved interstate many times as a coping mechanism to feeling alone which has made me feel more alone. My family lives on the other side of the country and I never hear from any of them except my mother who I have an unstable relationship with. I have no support system. My first job out of university I was 'forced' to do things that gave me extreme anxiety and I did not feel comfortable with because thats the way it was there and there was no one else to do them (in healthcare). I ended up leaving due to sheer stress and moving on to my second job where I also resigned at breaking point due to extreme workplace bullying and harassment. I have used drugs to cope with my feelings of sadness (especially since the bullying incident) and now find it hard to not 'numb my feelings' by using. This year I was in a serious car accident and more recently I was in a relationship/a carer for a partner with BPD. I am at a point where I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything feels too hard I just need to rest for a while. Any advice is much appreciated, Thank you

Novadreamer Multiple traumas = multiple living challenges
  • replies: 2

First time posting finally need to say it outloud to the world. I have so much to say and I'll get to say it to a professional soon I just need to make that phone call to book myself in. I seen my GP after going back to work and a conversation with m... View more

First time posting finally need to say it outloud to the world. I have so much to say and I'll get to say it to a professional soon I just need to make that phone call to book myself in. I seen my GP after going back to work and a conversation with my eldest son & mum (feeling like I'm too much for them) and my incredible partner who is at his end with me and rightly so. I done some research and stumbled apon info on PTSD. I'm hyper vigilant, easily confused indecisive and my attitude goes up/down, insomnia/lethargy. I've even started to tell the most silly unnecessary lies I do it As I'm feeling stupid or I've done something unsafe or not thinking properly. I can loosely function keep a job, cook meals talk properly occasionally. My back story I come from a verbally home my mum lied slot cause she was frightened and dad was physically abusive at times. I was sexually assaulted at 17. DV relationship for about a year when I was 21-22. Heavy drugs came into picture at 23-24 which caused psychosis and some weird incidents. Another abusive short lived relationship and I lost/gave up care of my eldest child. Went to rehabilitation for 18mths dealt with above issues to a degree. 4 yrs later I got custody back. 26 - 38 I was in a long term relationship we had a child together and she has Autism (high functioning) we were together 13 yrs last 6 yrs he had rare cancer and I nursed him in the last year until he died. I then met my current partner about 7-8mths after last trauma. I feel inlove however always knew that I was ok and really shouldn't be in a relationship until I had some balance and was in a healthy place to be with him. We kinda separated and he came back we feel back into each other and I fell pregnant so we almost at the 2 yr anniversary and he's had enough of my ways. i just don't see things tunnel visioned I struggle to communicate I'm overly passive as I said I'm telling lies cause I don't want to look bad, I'm not thinking about both my children's needs equally it's one or the other. He no longer believes me or feels that I'm safe to be left alone. I have no forward planning for family outings so we just don't do it. I'm just doing things that make life hard create more work for myself and him. i had friends they've dropped off. I just feel good not good. thanks for reading

CPK Hello, I am New and bit unsure/wary
  • replies: 8

Hi, Not sure what section I shld be in so start here. I was told I shld contact Beyond Blue for some personal contact/connection as apparently they think I am not doing so well . Bit unsure of what to type as usually the one listening and rarely divu... View more

Hi, Not sure what section I shld be in so start here. I was told I shld contact Beyond Blue for some personal contact/connection as apparently they think I am not doing so well . Bit unsure of what to type as usually the one listening and rarely divulge anything to anyone unless throwing a temper tantrum. I suffer from severe depression, anxiety (ptsd); brain injury, aas (pabs); epilepsy, spinal injuries, insomnia, arthritis and other stuff. Was told to be as upfront as possible so will add that most injuries were inflicted/caused by third parties so have massive trust issues. Prefer the company of animals to humans. Have no memory prior to 2003 (lost 40yrs worth) which is both a curse and a blessing. I love reading anything except love stories, currently reading 'In the Trenches of Hell', 'The making of Australia', Bury my Heart at Wounded Knee'; Love jigsaw puzzles; listening to my music (60&70's). My best-friend and part-carer is my ex who has the patience of a saint thankfully. Until late 2016 had a med/assist dog (my second) who I discussed everything with, have put on 2.5 stone (17kg) since he passed and still miss him terribly.

Mama2Zman One angel and struggles with IVF
  • replies: 3

I'm only 34 but just over a year ago found out my time was running out to have a family. I've got fertility issues but am yet to meet 'the one' so after talking with an IVF specialist I started on a journey of IVF using donor sperm. I began my first ... View more

I'm only 34 but just over a year ago found out my time was running out to have a family. I've got fertility issues but am yet to meet 'the one' so after talking with an IVF specialist I started on a journey of IVF using donor sperm. I began my first cycle in October last year thinking with my issues it may take a couple of tries. But surprised even the specialist when I fell pregnant! First trimester went by smoothly, not even morning sickness. At 14.4weeks I became sick one day. 2 days later I started getting pains. Rushed to hospital in time for my water to break and 2 hours after that I delivered my little boy in the ER. Left the hospital after 4 hours with nothing, no info no phone numbers nothing. Never even heard from a social worker. I had to call the hospital to ask about my sons body. It was only then did I talk to a social worker to get permission to release the body to funeral home. 2 weeks later I had a mass start to come out and get stuck. Was rushed to hospital, my anxiety was at its peak and nothing was given to me even though I told them I have anxiety. Found out the mass was a very infected placenta stuck in my cervix and I needed emergency surgery. Was also told the infection may have wrecked my uterus. I was a mess. Two traumas in 2 weeks at a hospital that didn't have proper procedures in place. Ended up on a drip after surgery for 2 days in a room with old men even though I'm a private patient. More trauma for me. Didn't sleep. Asked my something for my anxiety was refused. Asked for a social worker none came. I was still grieving for my lost son and then because of the incompetence of the hospital not doing an ultrasound I had a second trauma. Since all this I've had to go back 3 more cycles of IVF, all failed. No idea if the infection has made my fertility worse. I feel like a failure. I lost my son because as it turns out I have a blood clotting condition. So it's my body that killed him. I don't know why I'm saying all this in here. Maybe I just needed to get it all out. I wonder if I'm good enough to be a Mum. I'm failing as a woman. I'm so tired of being strong but I don't want to give up on this. Wish there was a support group locally I could go to.

HeavyMetalDad Can't see my son.
  • replies: 7

Hi Everyone This is my first time here, Dont know where else to turn. I have just been tossed away by Ex of 5 years, 5 years of bad and sad events. I'm 43, her 46. We rushed in to the relationship, with her falling pregnant after 3 months. the week I... View more

Hi Everyone This is my first time here, Dont know where else to turn. I have just been tossed away by Ex of 5 years, 5 years of bad and sad events. I'm 43, her 46. We rushed in to the relationship, with her falling pregnant after 3 months. the week I found out I was going to be a dad, I also found out she was cheating, the joy was destroyed. I stayed with her, we fought alot, and I was physically assaulted by her (on numerous occasions) I had to give up all of my friends at her demand if i wanted to know my baby. Find out we're having twins. At 34 weeks, one of the twins died in utero. With bub nearing 1yr, we moved in with my dad, her back went out, bed ridden for 4 weeks, I took over all responsibilities. the Ex, once she was up walking, decided to mix alcohol with medication, ended up assaulting my father. all through the relationship I have been criticized and controlled, to this day, I havnt been allowed to take my son to see my side of the family, my mum has never met him. In this time I busted my neck and back, 2 ruptured discs compressed spinal chord, leaving me impotent. 2 weeks ago she told me she cant live with out sex and that I was withholding on purpose, followed by calling me gay and that I want to have sex with men, she threw things at me and smashed glass everywhere, at this point I picked up a dinning chair and hit the kitchen table with it, she told me to leave, and I immediately left. I got arrested and AVO. now I'm not allowed to see or talk to my son. I dont want her back, the thought hasn't even crossed my mind. But my son is my world, he has global development delays and I was there for him every day. I miss him so much, hes just adorable. So empty now, I cant live without him. please help me, I'm begging you, please help me

Pinkicorn Ten years of PTSD and more.
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, I've been sitting on this for a while now, debating with myself if I should make a thread on this forum, and I've finally decided that I want to share my story. I know these posts are limited to 2500 characters so I will do my best to... View more

Hello everyone, I've been sitting on this for a while now, debating with myself if I should make a thread on this forum, and I've finally decided that I want to share my story. I know these posts are limited to 2500 characters so I will do my best to keep this simple, yet honest. When I was a teenager I was gang r*ped in my own house by four acquaintances- they were never charged. My family is very unsupportive, and I can't hold a job, or stay in Uni/TAFE. I run away from anything that scares me. I've lost all of my friends, except three. One is my half sister, another lives in America, and the last is my fiancé. I have been fighting depression, suicide, and anxiety since I was twelve and everything else (PTSD, Binge eating Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder) since I was seventeen. I'm terrified of my uncle, and sometimes my mum. They're both abusive in their own way. My dad is the absent father. My two older sisters are terrible secret keepers, and the youngest of the two is admittedly my mums favourite. The eldest no longer talks to me. I feel like a stranger in my own home. Shopping is therapeutic to me which is bad since I am trying to save to move house and fund my own wedding. Most days I find myself...Sitting or laying in bed watching things, or just laying there staring out the window, I reflect on my life and how much I'm a failure. Thing is, I've been fighting for so long that I've forgotten what it's like to be normal. I've seen so many psychologists and counsellors that it's all lost meaning to me. However, I'm still trying, still fighting. I want to start a new chapter, even if it takes another ten years worth of pages and fighting. I don't believe my mind will ever get better, but I want a future where I'm happy and free...and I'm going to keep fighting for it.