Hi, Me and my husband of 5 years marriage had been talking about having
kids and every time we talk about it it, we ended up stressed and sad
because he often said I am too negative for afraid of having kids. I
came from an emotionally unavailable pa...
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Hi, Me and my husband of 5 years marriage had been talking about having
kids and every time we talk about it it, we ended up stressed and sad
because he often said I am too negative for afraid of having kids. I
came from an emotionally unavailable parents who often criticized me,
calling me useless, good for nothing etc since I learned to understand
words. I was physical abused by my parents too. I was also bullied at
school and hardly have friends. I had low self esteem as a child and
teenager, hated my self and at one point, wanted to commit suicide. I
grew up watching my mum and dad yelling at each other almost every night
and sometimes, it becomes physical abusive. Overtime, I had managed to
overcome my childhood trauma and it don't haunt me or affect me much
anymore. When I was younger, I always thought I will be a mother to
prove my parents that I can a better parent and because I thought that
is the only pathway in life. However, after marriage and reality kicks
in and my biological clock is ticking, I grew fearful on parenting due
to several reasons. First, my husband and I have no support from
relatives because our parents and siblings are overseas (I don't even
know anyone who have kids without any family support). Secondly, I am
too afraid to lose my time & freedom, since I feel that I didn't have a
good childhood, I naturally want to pursue my happiness in traveling,
spending time with my hobbies and passion and not be burden by finance
since we are not even earning average Melbournian wage. Thirdly, I don't
have much confident that my husband can handle to stress, responsibility
and work that comes with the kid maturely. Just a few years ago, he had
serious mental health issues of self inflicting pain, suicidal thoughts,
threaten me to suicide which I slowly managed to convince him to see
psychologist to get treated and then did all my online research to
support him. He seems ok now, but every now and then, when we have
argument, he could say mean things to me, such as threats of divorce
which he don't mean it because he is just throwing tantrum. Finally,
went I see babies, I don't get that feeling that they are the cutest
thing and I don't really enjoying carrying them. However, my only reason
if I have a child is so that I can nurture him /her the knowledge in
life and influence them positively. Should I still try my best to change
to have kids for him? It is worth it?
PTSD for Medical and First Responders
