Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out because I’m struggling to make sense of what I’ve been through.
I was in a long-term relationship of 9 years that, looking back, may have involved emotional, financial and psychological control. Over the years most of our money and all property were in my partner’s name, and I often felt I had little say in decisions or access to funds. She made me hide things and lie to her family, constantly went through my phone, accused me of things, continually kept me in financial hardship and had access to all my banks and money while I had no access to anything of hers, non of her banks or our mortgages, while she wasn't working as she received insurance payouts she held over me which left me feeling isolated and confused, depressed, I then turned to alcohol.
Earlier this year we had a major incident that changed everything. I had 2 broken ribs and was on prescribed medication. She threw away the medication, denied it, and filmed me on and off for 8 hours then went to the police the next afternoon while saying she was too scared to come home. I became angry and verbally abusive. I never used physical violence, but I regret my words deeply.
After that night police became involved and a DVO was put in place that excluded me from our family home we owned and lived in for 8 years. Since then I’ve been homeless, lost my office, unable to focus on running my business slowly going into financial hardship, trying to process what happened. I’m dealing with anxiety, insomnia, guilt, and depression, and I keep asking myself whether I was a victim of long-term coercion, or whether I became abusive, or somehow both. She stood to gain financially and apparently started a new relationship days after my arrest, she sold her land and kept the proceeds and I just finished the granny flat downstairs so she received 400 a week rent and we left the property in her name as I trusted her and she promised no matter what she would be fair. I pleaded guilty to the DVO as everyone I spoke to said there was nothing I could do because she recorded me and sat a video interview.
I’m trying to understand my behavior and how to take responsibility for what was mine while also healing from what feels like years of manipulation and stress.
If anyone has been through something similar or has advice on where to start with counseling or men’s behavior-change or trauma recovery programs, or legal suggestions I’d really appreciate hearing from you.
Thanks for listening.
