Abuse, physical reaction to "triggers"

[smo]

Hi. This is my first post here, so bear with me if it´s a bit all over the place. The reason I am writing this post, is because I have lately had a few incidents that is really starting to effect my every day life. So, a very long story short; many years back I got involved with a guy that wasn´t very nice to say the least. I had some really horrible incidents with him being violent, and a lot of verbal and sexual abuse. This happened in periods of months usually on and off from I was 16 to 20, yet we were never actually in a relationship. Needless to say, this has caused me a lot of emotional stress that keeps with me to this day, 3 years later. I have recently moved in with two friends, which is fun and all, but there is a lot of banter, usually commenting looks, weight etc.

What is really stressful to me, is that when this happens, I physically react to it. These were things my ex-whatever-he-was would comment on, and it could easily escalate in to sexual abuse. When I now get comments like this, I often feel dizzy, sometimes to the point where I have trouble seeing, I get urges to throw up (I have been struggling with bulimia) I get instant headaches, my mouth dries up, and my whole body tenses. I was wondering if any of you have any tips to what I can do to not react so strongly to these things? I just don´t want to be this party pooper that can´t handle a little bit of banter.

[kanga_brumby]

Smo welcome to beyond blue forums a safe place do discuss issues. One way this is not the only way you approach the issue is let you friends in on what the person did no need for much detail there. But let them know where your head is at. encourage them to keep up the banter because it can be fun. just try not to get to personal with it. or over sexual with it. After a session of banter try to get them to ask you if your fine with that session. Or come up with a safe word to stop the session because your freaking out. Returning to the banter later. just a thought.

Kanga

[geoff]

hello Smo, Kanga has pretty well said it all, but I would go that extra step and ask your flatmates not to talk about what you are worried about BECAUSE it's something that your b/friend did to you and that's why you left him. Geoff.

[Starwolf]

Welcome to the forums Smo,

The aftermath of abuse leaves behind deep emotional scars. It can cause debilitating reactions to otherwise trivial situations. Unfortunately, the general public is not aware of what those affected are up against. I too once ended up with PTSD, due to a childhood of abuse so I empathize with your concerns.

I agree with Kanga, the only way to dispel ignorance is to speak out. Face to face conversation about mental conditions can be too daunting. There are alternatives. Ordering printed info (or copying/printing if found online) is one of them. It is usually taken more seriously than spoken attempts at explanations and avoids emotional reactions. Handing this over to your room mates and just telling them it is why their banter hurts you would make them more aware and sensitive about your situation. No need to get into details. Sharing your thoughts and feelings in hand-written form is a more personal alternative. You can edit until satisfied...there again, no emotional confrontation. Written info can be read and re-read at leisure, giving it a better chance to be absorbed and processed.

I hope you are undergoing some form of counseling or therapy to help you manage your triggers.

For future reference, copying this link into your browser will access helpful tips on discussing mental illness :

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talk-about- it#findwords

Wishing you all the best.

[PeacefulWarrior]

Hi SMO, I'm also new here... I also experience similar post-traumatic-stress symptoms when triggered. From my research, Ive come to understand that trauma is stored in the body's nervous system. The fight/flight response gets 'frozen' in the nervous system and doesn't get a chance to discharge that supercharge of energy at the time, so it gets stored.

So your comment about "what can I do to not react so strongly?" - my understanding is that these symptoms are coming from an unresolved stress response in your nervous system - so I'd recommend working with a somatic therapist that works at releasing or resolving this stress in the nervous system itself.. for me, trying to rely on my mind to override strong symptoms from my body was futile at best; and more damaging at worst...

Having said that, working out ways of reducing triggers (i.e. flatmates banter) is also a helpful tactic.

[Evilnut]

Hi Starwolfs I am evilnut or Wayne in 1968 I had the misfortune of sex Abuse's it took 49 years to finally report it to police. I need some sort of closure to this matter the person in question is probably dead and it is a historical crime of the most seriousness. It has hornted me since them change me from fun loving to the dark side but has made me the man I am today. I love helping others that a hand broken down car bogged on the beach my favourite place to take a.break but not been for 12 mouths can't wait for spring shark fishing. Love sharing my life skills with others less fortune than me. If I can help others.I would be welcome it also help's me to share my story and what has helped me.

Cheers evilnut Wayne thanks for listening.