A decade long trauma

I_want_my_life_back · ‎09-03-2022

Hi all. Firstly, I don't know if I have PTSD or something else going on, but for the past decade we have been involved in a traumatic and ongoing family court battle that just never seems to end despite it going in our favour. I won't list everything here, but it has taken a massive toll on me personally, so much so that I can physically feel the stress, if that makes sense. I am constantly waiting for the next nightmare to start - and it usually isn't very long between each nightmare. In other words, I feel like I am on high alert all of the time. It has taken a toll on my relationship, my life and my well-being. Anyway, today I decided enough was enough. I want my life back. I am not sure where to start but it is a big deal for me to even admit that all is not right with me. I am told (alot) that I am strong, and people literally say "I don't know how you keep going". Honestly, I can't keep going anymore, at least not feeling like this. I need some coping mechanisms as this nightmare, in all reality, will probably keep going for years. And that is the hardest part - I can't just run away.

jaz28 · ‎09-03-2022

hi there,

first, i am sorry you are going through an ongoing hard time. i too, admire your strength. i think you should too - this experience has made you so much stronger for it.

but, despite fighting for the right thing, you still have to look after yourself. it's so important.

I am here to tell you to put yourself first. is there some self-care things you can do in the downtime that can separate you from everything? mindfulness is a VERY powerful tool to bring you back to the present. some apps like calm or smiling mind can help.

if not, you could see a doctor about speaking to a psychologist - would this be something you would be open to?

i am here if you need,

jaz xx

Ggrand · ‎10-03-2022

Hello Dear I want my life back,

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums,

I am really so sorry that your going through that and struggling so much with your mental and physical health...

You have and still are going through so much..Depression, PTSD, anxiety even though these are all related to our mental health..,they can physically effect us so deeply, making us so physically tired and hard to do anything at all...

As our lovely jaz28 has said...Please try hard to care for yourself as much as you can.... it’s so very important that you..without giving yourself proper and essential care...both your mental and physical health could decline..

If it’s okay to make a gentle suggestion...Getting a proper diagnosis is important to get the treatment needed to help in recovery for PTSD...It’s just way to hard to try to fix yourself...I’m wondering if you could reach out to your Dr..and talk openly about how your thoughts and feelings...You’re Dr will hopefully be able to you started on a mental health care plan....that will help with a recovery plans for PTSD...as well as any depression or anxiety you may have..

Here if you feel up to talking...How are you feeling today?..

My kindest thoughts with my care Dear I want my life back...

Grandy...

sunnyl20 · ‎10-03-2022

I am sorry that you have had to deal with so much stress over such a long time. It sounds like it has been so draining, mentally & physically. It is a huge step to acknowledge that you are not okay & that you cannot continue going on the same track - this can feel so scary & overwhelming. But please know that it is okay to reach out & ask for help. Trauma can have a huge mental & physical toll - that feeling of paranoia & constantly being on alert that you described, being 'on guard' & never feeling able to relax, really affects your quality of life.

While I don't know all the details of your situation, from what you have described it sounds like it is not something you can disentangle yourself from right now. With that in mind, it sounds like making small but targeted steps to give you the physical & mental space you need will be key. Is there anything that you have experienced or tried in the past that you felt helped? Would you be open to talking to a GP or a psychologist who may be able to help you navigate services that may be accessible to you to process what you are experiencing?

In terms of coping strategies, doing things that help you de-stress & caring for you are so important. This can look different for everyone, but can include things like spending time with friends, listening to your favourite music, spending time in the sun/outdoors, making yourself your favourite food... things that nurture yourself & give you space away from stressors (as much as is possible). Grounding techniques can also be useful when you feel out of control or overwhelmed by intense emotions - the blueknot foundation has a great page about grounding (https://blueknot.org.au/survivors/survivor-self-care/grounding/) & using anchors that I would encourage you to look through if you have the energy.

It is such an important step to be able to recognise when we cannot cope & when enough is enough, it can feel so difficult to do & to acknowledge but please know that you have been so courageous to share this & to ask for help. Please do not hesitate to talk more & explore the forums - we are here to listen.

Take care.