Wishing for a friend to talk to

[dragonflies]

Hi,

I feel alone. I'm 19 and I have no friends anymore. No one to confide in, trust, or share my life with. I just want someone to talk to. Someone who gets me and who I can relate to and vice versa. I find it hard trying to make friends. I dread the process of getting to know someone completely for who they are. It takes so much time and effort. I have only ever been hurt in the past after making such close friends and having them just drift away from you without a care in the world.

Does anyone feel like this too?

dragonflies

[LuLu_]

Hi SN

thank you for your message. I really like your new picture.

I think what really eats away at me is the expectations and responsibilities.

For now i will sit with you and wait

lulu

[Doolhof]

Hi Dragon,

Your comment: Don't know what to do with myself. Don't want to be left to think at the same time as not wanting to do anything - doesn't make much sense hey.

This makes perfect sense to me. It is how I have been feeling for the last few weeks. I don't want to be sitting with my thoughts, I am restless but don't know what to do with myself and nothing seems to get done. I wander around in meaningless circles with my unhelpful thoughts and tiredness mocking me.

There is plenty of positive, meaningful and helpful things I could do, I just don't do them. I keep wandering about, doing nothing. Hey! Thanks for shedding light on what is happening in my own life right at present. Now to find ways to move on!

LuLu, Startingnew and All, wishing you a day of enlightenment, where you find ways to make your day more user friendly!

Cheers from Dools

[startingnew]

Hi Dragon

i missed your post yesterday, it mustve come up after i posted and logged out.

sorry to hear your feeling low. its a pretty dreadful place to be esp without answers on how to get out.

i hope your able to ease your way back out again soon

hugs xoxox

Hello Mrs D xoxo

Hi Lulu

having alot of responsisbilities and hihg expectations of can wear us down very much. all you can do though is do and try your best and that is enough xoxo

[dragonflies]

Hey LuLu,

I want to say that you are not being selfish by talking about yourself. At all. Anything from talking about what show you watched, to say, having a serious episode, I will take equally importantly. I know how it feels to think what we say to others is minor and irrelevant when it feels major to us individually. So nothing is irrelevant. I hope you can share whatever you would like to share and not feel guilty about it. We are all here together, we can talk about ourselves, talk together - anything.

I can absolutely relate to what you have said about not attending your Yr 12 formal. Why?... Because I didn't attend mine either haha. For pretty much the same reason, also because I didn't want to dress up and knew I would feel so uncomfortable in a fancy dress and shoes when I don't see the point in it all. I didn't want to pretend to be someone I wasn't - all fake and cheery. I was one of the only girls who didn't go. I felt left out during it all because everyone was going on about it. Soon after the ball and all the talk it just became a part of the past. How come you don't feel welcome? Anything to do with the other girls who are going?

There will always be someone in a worse situation than each individual, thats just that. However that doesn't mean that whatever situation you are in isn't important - because it is. Is to me and to the others here.

So I encourage you to direct attention towards yourself. When I posted my previous post about how I am feeling low I felt like I interrupted the conversation just to talk about myself. But thats what we can all be here for - in this thread. To check in and talk about what we are feeling and going through.

Yeah I suppose I feel accomplishment. I feel like I have given to my mum by doing these things for her as well as for myself. But even though it is 'doing something' I don't find it productive because it isn't adding to my life or bring any enjoyment. It is passing time and avoiding what I should be focusing on. That is why I find it easy, easy to just get lost in what I am doing and focus all my attention on that. Stops me from thinking. But I find it sad too, because I am hiding away, not going outside, doing things that won't last forever or make memories. I'm just existing. And I've been practicing this for quite some time.

dragon

[dragonflies]

Hi Dools,

It's nice to know you can make sense of what I've said - a lot of the time it feels like I'm alone in it all when no one in my life understands how I spend my time doing nothing. Don't know how to stop wandering around in meaningless circles. I've been doing it for so long that it seems nothing can be meaningful anymore.

What are some things you think are positive and meaningful that we can do?

I know that feeling. You know what you should be doing but you just don't do it and there isn't a reasonable explanation why. I find it makes me feel worse when I know what I should be doing and then not doing it. Think its because my thoughts don't align with my behaviours and it causes feelings of sadness like I'm letting myself down - sort of like I make a goal even though I know I'm not going to do it. So in turn, it just makes me feel useless, lazy etc. Self inflicted.

What are some ways that help you move on?

Hope today has been okay.

dragon

[Doolhof]

Hi Dragon,

My goodness your words make so much sense to me! Yes. I do understand what you are saying.

I have learnt not to beat myself up when I feel like that. I try to cut myself some slack. I tell myself that if I could do things differently in that particular moment I would do so. When I am unable to, no matter how hard I push myself it will not happen!

For the last three days we have had some lovely cool weather, excellent for gardening. Did I get out into the garden to do gardening? NO. I walked around in the garden, I saw things I could do, walked around a little more then went inside and walked around inside before deciding to read a book.

This morning I had the energy and the motivation to do some gardening! I have made a start. I am very pleased with what I have managed to do.

The thing for me Dragon, I do make a list, but I make it a very flexible list of ACHIEVABLE things to do.

At times I also buy birthday cards for friends...then have them sitting on the table for a couple of months because I just don't seem to be able to organise myself enough o write in them and then post them! I want to do it, it just doesn't happen!

Oh, a kindred spirit in the world of wandering around aimlessly, wanting to do things but not being able to do them!

Today was fairly good for me actually, I pushed myself out that door to do the gardening, put out a load of washing, went grocery shopping with my husband, managed to do the dishes after lunch, attended a massage appointment on time and went to the library to borrow some books I might read or have sitting on the coffee table for a month!

Hey Dragon, the thing is to go easy on yourself. The more stress I put on myself, the more stressed I become and the less I achieve!

Hey, lovely chatting with you about this peculiarity!

Cheers from Dools

[LuLu_]

Hi dragon

Thank you for your support. It’s nice to think I can discuss things without judgement. But I will still feel quite selfish talking about myself and my life.

I have been feeling left out and out of place around my friends. I feel exhausted putting on a mask. I try to act like i am fine and myself but I can see my friends aren’t content with my down mood and unenthusiastic nature. After school finished I’ve become quite down, without confidence and desire to interact with friends and family. I imagined what formal would be like and I knew I would feel out of place and like I was trying to have a good time. But I realised I didn’t want to have to try just because that’s what my friends wanted. I didn’t want to be observed by everyone and what I was wearing looked upon. Everyone planned to drink and party afterwards and thinking about it made me exhausted . It caused me great stress and anxiety so I pulled the pin and decided to avoid the situation. I thought about my friends individually and I felt more alone than ever. So I haven’t seen anyone since.

sorry that was a long passage

i understand you are passing the time and that it doesn’t bring you enjoyment. I understand it’s a distraction and it makes you feel sad. I am hiding away too. We can hide together. Just for a little bit.

I may be muddled but do you have a dog? Perhaps you could take them for a walk everyday just to change your routine up a little. I relate to your notion of just existing, surviving. Have you talked to your support?

I hope you feel some relief soon

lulu

[LuLu_]

Hi mrs dools

sorry for the late reply I sort of became overwhelmed.

i have one friend I talk to. I am not close enough to talk about what i am thinking and feeling. I don’t really feel I can discuss my depression and the darkest things I am experiencing. But at least she is willing to persevere with me. We didn’t go to the same school so she is separate from a life that makes me sad. But the bad thing is I put on a mask because I don’t see her often and I don’t want to ruin our time together.

I ride my horse. I suppose it’s one of the only things I do for myself. I don’t really get energy from that time as it’s quite demanding just look after him and exercising him.

I appreciate your reply and support.

How are you doing? Do you have anything to share?

Lulu

[Doolhof]

Hi LuLu,

Our neighbours have three horses, I don't know that they ride them very often. I am sometimes tempted to ask if I can go riding with them, but have never had the courage to ask. Do you have a favourite place you like to ride your horse?

I'd love to have a dog but my husband dislikes dogs unless they don't bark, lick or jump up at you! Now and then I went walking with my neighbours and their dogs but that doesn't seem to happen very often now.

For some reason I am really tired these days, so that doesn't encourage me to go walking far anyway.

Today I was invited to a Church lunch by a dear, lovely older lady. I was finding conversation a little difficult with the lady sitting opposite me so I just started asking her questions about herself and her family, she happily chatted away for ages.

Sometimes I find it easier to ask others about themselves. Some people may ask how I am, but do they really want to know how I am truly feeling? Maybe not. I try to throw in a few little bits of humour as well so the mood is not so dark.

There are a couple of people whom I can share the deep and meaningful stuff of life with. That is another good thing about this forum, we can share all aspects of our lives here.

Hope you are doing okay LuLu.

Cheers from Dools

I

[LuLu_]

Hi Dools

I enjoy Riding at competition venues because it’s always different and exciting. I also like Riding on the property he is kept because there is a forest and nice green hills.

I relate to finishing it hard to connect during a conversation but I find even if I direct questions towards them i am not really able to hold their attention. I don’t really have much energy so it’s hard to hide my low mood.

People don’t really want to know how you are because if it’s bad or horrible they won’t know how to fix it. It’s a lot easier if everyone is feeling great.

Its nice that you were able to have a nice conversation and that you were able to keep it going.

I hope you are okay

lulu