Wishing for a friend to talk to

[dragonflies]

Hi,

I feel alone. I'm 19 and I have no friends anymore. No one to confide in, trust, or share my life with. I just want someone to talk to. Someone who gets me and who I can relate to and vice versa. I find it hard trying to make friends. I dread the process of getting to know someone completely for who they are. It takes so much time and effort. I have only ever been hurt in the past after making such close friends and having them just drift away from you without a care in the world.

Does anyone feel like this too?

dragonflies

[LuLu_]

When someone looks into my eyes I become scared they can see into my mind. My mind, a place I can’t handle. I fear judgement and perhaps even persecution for thinking such selfish things.

Moving house is absolute chaos. I don’t suffer from anxiety due to mess but during moving it did bother me. I think that is a wonderful victory. Well done for overcoming and controlling some of those anxious thoughts.

I suppose my victory would be that I started my first part time job and I made a good impression.

Mths darkness is starting to close in. I can feel it. The sadness hurts my heart.

How do you manage your relationships? I am really struggling.

Is there anything you would like to talk about?

lulu

[startingnew]

our minds are very complicated things. the scary part is we only use a small portion of it imagine the power behind the entire thing if we could consciouslly use it. very powerful indeed.

now is the time to help yourself up, go do the things you enjoy so the darkness whilst it may be coming it can slow. that is a big vicorty! well done on getting your first job that is a massive achievement!

would you like to talk about that?

my relationships are basically non-existant except for those i have here. i struggle to make new and to also maintain relationships at all. not sure why that is.

theres nothing in particular that id like to talk about, how about some get to know you questions?

like:

favourite colour

favourite food?

favrouite movie?

favourite book?

[LuLu_]

I like the colour blue. A bright blue, darker than the sky. My favourite food is perhaps lasagne. But right now I can’t really taste the food I eat. So i am not sure i am enjoying it. Sometimes I don’t eat because I can’t be bothered, also because I can’t decide. My favourite movie is called About Time. My favourite book is The Messenger (I think). I like quite a few books.

how about you?

If you could be any animal what would you choose?

i think I’d choose a dolphin.

lulu

[startingnew]

HI Lulu


I love blue too, but all sorts of blue. If I had to pick a favourite though I think it would be a medium blue or a lightblue/turqiouse colour (I know that comes under green though) and also purple.
Oh ive learnt how to make homemade lasagne. Have you tried to make it rather than buy it? Its really easy tbh but cookings not for everyone. Argh I hate making up my mind on what to eat too. Myself and pop come to around 5ish and we just know and we give each other the 'its that time again' look lol.
Hmm I havent read that book or seen that movie. I watch a lot of big bang theory and 2 broke girls and love reading the book series outlander.


Ohh thats a hard one, im not too sure. I love dolphins too but I think id be a butterfly. I love the change they make and they are very powerful symbolisms in the spiritual realm

[LuLu_]

Hi SN

i don’t want to make you feel any worse so if talking about my own problems is harmful please let me know.

i saw my psychologist today. I thought I was okay but now I know i am not. I am in a bit of an exhausted confused mess. I feel like I could sleep for weeks.

How are you?

i like butterflies as well. Is it true their lives aren’t very long? If it it true they sure do live lovely lives spreading beauty throughout our brutal world.

my Mum makes homemade lasagne. She does a good job.

How are you doing?

Lulu

[Doolhof]

HI LuLu, SN and All reading,

Mmmm. All this talk about food is making me hungry. I do like to make a lasagne when we have people over for a meal, along with a tossed salad.

The last year or so my husband has mainly been cooking the evening meal, said he didn't like my cooking any longer! Ha. Ha. That was fine with me. If I knew he liked cooking, he could have done it years ago or I could have made worse meals than previously! Ha. Ha.

As a child I always wanted a tiger. Dolphins are certainly an amazing creature, apparently very intelligent. It would be interesting to know the life span of a butterfly. I wonder if some live longer than others? Some of them certainly do have beautiful colours.

Regarding psychologists, when possible I make sure I have time to relax and think after I have been to see mine. I might take a little walk, go to a park for a few minutes, sit in the car and listen to music before I drive off, or even write down what is buzzing around in my head just to get the thoughts clarified.

Actually at my last appointment I ran out the door in tears before the session even ended and refused to go back into the room. The poor guy didn't seem to know what to do. I am sure that must have happened to him at other times!

I've not heard of the movie "About Time" is that a new movie or is it an older one? One the weekend we went to see "Murder on the Orient Express" it is about the 3rd version I have seen of that movie I think.

Cheers all from Dools

[LuLu_]

Hi Dragonflies

I understand that right now may be a really dark time for you but if you are reading this I want you to know i am thinking of you. I am feeling really alone right now and I know how hard it can be to reach out when you don’t have much care for anything especially yourself. I want you to know you are worth it and we are here if you need anything at all.

lulu

[startingnew]

Hi lulu
thats fine, I dont mind at all. Id rather you get it off your chest than with holding it xox
how are you feeling today?


Yeah they dont live very long but they are beautiful but they dont start out that way. Loomk up butterfly spiritual meaning. They are the main reason for my avatar and because a few members have adotpted the name butterfly for me.


Im in survival mode atm but made today aproductive day and cleaned my entire house

Mrs D- how lovely to see you here!

yep salad and lasnage are the best combo, do you make your own?
How lovely the hubbys making the meal, good on him!


Ahh I love tigers too, esp the white tigers. Ive been lucky enough to see both types of tigers. They are so gorgeous. My mum was when she went on holiday got to pat a dolphin. She loved that too.
The lifespan of a butterfly is quite short, most only live a few days not including the time they are caterpillars, the migrating monarch can live up to 12 months. So not long at all usually.


After my pscyh appts I do the same, I often journal it, go for a walk, or watch a movie as its really draining and can be really unsettling a lot of the time too.


I havent seen that movie either. Might have to watch it if its good...

how have you been? i havent spoken to you since my hospital stay..

[startingnew]

Mrs d i could use your wisdom on my thread too if you dont mind in regards to my house move and adjusting to living alone with just pop, my house being a trigger and also coping after hospital.

Only if you can no pressure

Xxoxo

[LuLu_]

Hi SN

Im feeling quite alone. I’ve withdrawn from everybody.l and now my friends don’t really include me. They don’t really talk to me or invite me. I know it’s my fault but I had hoped they would have persevered with me. I had wished they would check in on me. Support me. They did for a little while but now i am alone. Is it al my fault? I am feeling like a failure. I am feeling that i am not worth the people in my life. I feel like i am making everyone’s lives harder.

I’m quite drained and exhausted. Emotionally I’m over everything.

Are you feeling any better than when you were in hospital? Do you feel you have improved since you first started reaching out? Do you have much support around you?

Lulu