Thoughts of suicide when not ‘suicidal’?

[Tams20]

I’ve been struggling with depression lately and have been experiencing some very dark moods. I haven’t missed a day of work or caring for my family, even though I barely hold it together some days and my weekends are usually spent recovering. I’ve been on SSRIs for a few months that I feel aren’t working that well and have also scheduled a review with my GP this week. Am also going to ask for counselling just so that I can talk to someone about my issues, as I am not one for burdening friends and family with my problems.

Just recently I have started fantasising about a particular method of suicide. Quite graphic thoughts and planning (I won’t go into detail) that has gotten me so concerned that I now take steps so that I physically couldn’t do it. I don’t actually believe that I could do it, I don’t actually think that I am suicidal, but on some days I feel quite reckless about it, almost as if I’m daring myself to do it. I almost enjoy the thought of it. After the urge has passed I think if my kids and I feel like the worst person in the world.

Is this a common thing for when you’re depressed? Is it perhaps related to the medication?

Thanks.

[Tams20]

Hi Salem,

You’re more than welcome to post on my thread, but I agree with Mary - if you want some advice and support from r your situation you should start your own thread. I have started a couple and have found it very useful - there’s a great community here 😊

One thing I would recommend (if you haven’t done it already) is to go and see your GP about getting some help. It’s not easy to take that first step, it took me a long time to admit to myself that I had a problem that I couldn’t solve on my own. But I feel a lot better now that I know my condition and have a plan to treat it.

Tams

[Tams20]

Hi Mary,

By ‘side effects’ do you mean with the medication? She didn’t say too much about it but I’m due back there in a couple of weeks for a follow up. She did say if I started to feel very strange, like something was wrong, to give her a call at any time of the day or night. Which was good.

I am feeling a bit ‘wobbly’ at the moment with the change of meds regime, I think it’s more due to tapering off the SSRIs, although it could be the mood stabilisers... or the anti-psychotics... or all three... suffice to say, I’m not feeling the best right now! Just have to battle through it...

Tams

[Salem]

Thanks Mary I'm new to this form of communication the only thread I know is the one you use on a sewing needle I replied to one persons story and don't know where to go from there.my chat line name is salem

[Salem]

Thanks Tams I'm new to this chat on line forum I'm trying to work it all out but I don't think I know what I'm doing my chat or forum mame is Salem

[Tams20]

Hi Salem,

I'm still fairly new to this forum too, but to start your own thread you should go to the most appropriate section of the online forums (probably 'Welcome and Orientation' if you want to introduce yourself to the community) and then click on the button that says 'New Thread'. Should be fairly easy from there!

Tams

[Tams20]

Hello everyone,

Well I'm feeling terrible again and all of the bad thoughts are back. I'm probably worse that I was before, this time I'm struggling even to find the motivation to work.. and work has always been a good distraction for me. I'm at work but I'm unable to concentrate so am virtually doing nothing. Haven't done much for 3 days, terrified that I'll be found out soon. I hope it doesn't continue because I need my job. I need the weekend to hide for a couple of days.

I've just come off my ADs and the Psych got me to do it quite quickly as she thought they were a bit dangerous for me, so I'm hoping that is the reason for why I feel so miserable now. I'm still only on a low dose of my other medication so fingers crossed things will get better as I get the dosage up.

My family have also been away for a couple of days so I've been a bit lonely at home on my own - am hoping that they will brighten my day when I see them tonight 🙂

Tams

[White_Rose]

Hello Tams

Sorry I have not replied earlier. Life does catch up with us despite our best intentions.

OK side effects. Sometimes medication, and that includes meds for any reason, have an ingredient that does not agree with our body and the way it works. Sometimes one pill will fight with something else you are taking. I think it better not to describe possible side effects because it may confuse you and others reading this thread.

If you think your meds are having a strange or uncomfortable effect on you then you need to talk to the prescribing doctor ASAP. Keep note of what is happening, when it started and how you feel. All good info for the doctor. Some side effects go away after a short time and the meds work in the way they are supposed to work.

It can be a difficult time finding meds that work as they should without having an uncomfortable effect on you. Make an immediate appointment with your doctor if you feel concerned. Stopping medication can be as uncomfortable as starting. I know all about that. The ingredients leave the body within a couple of days but they can still feel present and you react as though they were still there. Again, a chat to your GP.

Sorry you are having such a hard time again. It may well be your reaction to your meds but it's not a question I can answer except very generally as a possibility. I believe you will feel better when the dose increases and as the meds kick in. Although we do not always admit it, we do miss our families when they are away.

Do you think it would help you to have some time off work? I was asked that when I first became depressed and I was terrified of being on my own 24/7 (I live alone). I agreed to a four hour working day which the psych organised for me. I think it was the best of both worlds.

Mary

[Tams20]

Hi Mary,

No problems with the response time, you guys have a lot of people to support, plus your own mental health to deal with - it’s amazing you all contribute as much as you do to these forums. Much appreciated 😊

It probably is the changing medication but also I’ve got things happening that aren’t related to my mental health but that are affecting my mental health, which is frustrating. My friend issue is one, can’t seem to solve that problem and it really is making things difficult. I need an uncomplicated life at the moment...

My Psychiatrist said to call her if I started to feel like something wasn’t right so I might do that tomorrow if I don’t feel better. And I could take some time off work next week if I don’t feel better. I probably should, I’m not achieving much at work anyway.

Tams

[Croix]

Dear Tams~

As Mary has said calling your psych would be exactly the right thing to do, tailing off meds, particularly quickly, can have all sorts of unwanted effects a times.

The fact your psych said you could give here a call is realy great, not all do.

For the moment can you try to simply cut down on things and concentrate of activities that distract or take your mid away. Take the phone off the hook?

Croix

[Frosty_34]

hi there everyone

ive recently been having suicidal thoughts, ive been on some new antidepressants, im probably a couple months into them now.

i dont class myself as suicidal but definitely have urges everynow and again that things would be better if i wasnt here.

financial troubles make it worse as well as a gambling addiction.

i work full time which is my saviour, its mainly weekends when i have time off and time alone that these thoughts enter my mind.

i didnt think it would ever happen to me but it has.

just expressing myself so far.. thanks beyond