This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lisa611]

Hi All...Asdff if you need to admit yourself into hospital then do it. Sometimes it's what's needed. I saw the new psych today. He adjusted my meds. Dropped the mood stabiliser to a lower dose because I'm having side effects. He also dropped the antidepressant. I will do what he says. He's the expert. I never remember my dreams. Waves to all 🙂

[asdff]

I am not in the hospital. I needed to be on Saturday and Sunday. I didn’t want to be locked in there or not be able to come and go. Not that I’m going anywhere being at home. I’ve been told what to do my whole life and hospital seemed like is what it would be. I have a psychiatrist appointment on Thursday and a psychologist on Wednesday. I can’t see the psychologist doing much I have been seeing them for years. It does help but this time I think it’s medication that is needed. I haven’t had a dip like this in years. It’s probably the worst one I’ve had but I only see what I’m experiencing not what my poor husband sees. He is working from home. So I know he is there. As you all know it’s hard enough to get out of bed, brush your teeth etc. I brushed my teeth at 4pm. 

[quirkywords]

Asdff

sending you hugs. I agree about having a physical illness. When my partner had a pulled muscle in his leg and needed crutches people made him meals gave him gifts, offered to take him shopping. People chatted to him and rang him up. 
when I was depressed people used to cross the road to avoid me and never ask how I was. 

i just saw an old episode of Ann Doh interviewing Anthony Fields the blue wiggle. He honestly explained about his depression and how it does not fully go away. It was powerful but people 2ho have not experienced 

[quirkywords]

Oops sent post before finished. I don’t know how this happens but if I got to change a word post is sent. 
Anyway last line should read the show aboutAnthony  blue wiggle  was very powerful but people who have not experienced depression will not understand

Asdff we are here to support and listen. You do so much for your family I wish some .  Could look after you. 

[velvetfaerie]

Dreams. I rarely remember them. Had some wicked ones after my last vax. Was a night of brain movies. 

Mental health things still have a massive stigma. It's really ridiculous. Such a massive part of our health is how the brain is.

Asdff - I hope the appointments are helpful. They will be. It's a good proactive step. 

People generally have zero concept of the mental health of others. I've had an absolutely horrific year. Who's checked in on me? Mum has!! And 2 friends. That's it. Meanwhile I'm always checking in on everyone else having a rough time.

The plus side though- I'm stronger for it and I don't need their validation. 

I digress... oops...  

Let us know how you're going.

[quirkywords]

I hoped that the stigma mental health had during the 1970s and 1980s was less now because of organisations like Beyond Blue and the amount of information and awareness. 
I have said this before but now I feel many people feel they are an expert on mental health as they have read an article in social media.

Ruby Wax an actress and comedian who has depression and written about mental health 

asks 

“Why is it that every organ in your body can get sick and you get sympathy except the brain.?”

Velvet do you think that people feel they don’t know what do when one is struggling with mental health..? When someone has covid they can offer to shop,drop meals around, but people worry they may say or do the wrong thing when someone has mental health issues.

I also think as a society we have trouble with any illness. We like it when people are well and happy. I think that is why we tell others we are fine when we are not. We choose a select few to be honest about how we really feel. 

Asdff, thinking of you. I hope the appointments go well. 

[velvetfaerie]

I'd say support and understanding, not sympathy. That's me though.

I think regarding things, anything, people need to be willing to not judge, zip it and have a conversation to meet mutual understanding, as best as possible. 

[Lisa611]

Hi All...I hope the appointments help Asdff. I really dislike the term mental illness. I prefer the term brain disease. I think mental illness has negative connotations and that there's stigma attached to it. I don't think most people understand that it's alot to do with the chemicals in your brain. Unless you know someone personally that has a brain disease odds are you just don't get it.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I agree with you not sympathy and nonjudgmental.

Mutual understanding is hard if one is full of prejudice. 

[velvetfaerie]

Absolutely. Prejudice is absolutely rife. 

It makes me very angry. There is no true equality and equity. At all. 

People refer to my condition as a mental illness and it absolutely is not. It's a neurobiological condition.  Those connotations breed prejudice and ignorance. 

Makes me mad.