This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Velvet

i carry notes and pen then forget were I put them. Airies stress lack of sleep and living with someone who is very self involved and has no empathy makes me second guess all my choices.

I appreciate everyone being honest and supportive here. 

[velvetfaerie]

I giggled.

Tbh I think most people have zero empathy now, with a few rare exceptions. 

It is dog eat dog out there. I wonder how long until the economy and society completely collapses. Yes I am over it. Who said slavery was abolished?

[quirkywords]

Velvet I don’t like people who pretend they have empathy but are really self absorbed  nd are fake as. People who admit they have no empathy  are  at least honest 

[velvetfaerie]

Honesty that's right. I'd rather an honest enemy than a fake friend. 

I went to the gym this morning and I'm knackered. I did a class I haven't done in 10 months. Hahahaha. 

[quirkywords]

Velvet I have never been to a gym as an adult only at school and the put all the girls together who found gym challenging and then neglected us while the teacher focused on the agile girls!!!!

Never been good at anything practical or physical ,  I do walk a lot  but  not any group exercise or anything that involves hand high coordination. At school people good at sport were popular and praised but people good being creative were ignored and told to conform. 

I left school  many decades ago so why do I keep having these bad memories!!!!

I hope Aries , Asdff and Velvet and all those reading are ok. 

[asdff]

Quirky that annoys me that people make fun of you. 

Who else eats their feelings? Feeling very down and I find myself eating more to numb my feelings.

[quirkywords]

Asdff yes I used to eat to numb my feelings or eat to fill the void deep inside especially when I felt I did not fit in.

[Airies]

I’ve used food to numb my feelings over the years. Once I could burn off the excess through excercise. I didn’t struggle with my weight until my late 40s. Often it was a yo yo effect.Once the wheels really fell off I struggled. I’m now trying intermittent fasting, logging my food intake and hitting my bicycle before dawn.Never doing things by halves I’ve ridden and logged food/excercise for close quarters 2 months daily. Am I a happier person. I don’t know. It’s a struggle.

ohh not sure I mentioned but my health fund will cover my admission into a private clinic.

im up for the first $500.

Hoping everyone is travelling ok.

i enjoy Autumn.Daylight savings ends in another week.

How do others cope with the seasons?

[velvetfaerie]

There's a happy birthday to you around now ish Airies...... 

The seasons? The season here at the moment is blast furnace. Hot!!!

A few weeks ago I asked for some documents via freedom of information. I received them today. There's a lot to be said about being validated and having the proof via a lawyer with the government's stamp on it that your household growing up was an abusive one!!!

[velvetfaerie]

So I am in crisis. I won't share the various things that have got me here. It's too much to be honest. 

I'd like to say how wonderful one help line was and how useless the rest were. It was one I'd never heard of before.

Our health system is a joke. I can't see a dr for 3 weeks. I'll just reschedule my breakdown.

Cool