This bipolar life

Kazzl · ‎13-06-2016

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

velvetfaerie

He was wonderful..... absolutely wonderful and I've done a little more damage than I thought.

I tore a disc in my spine. I tore the outer layer of the disc. My DOG tore the disc with a sudden jolt when walking. It will heal. I must stay active and use heat and cold on the spot to help it heal. Back again on Friday to see if my neurological symptoms have improved.

Getting old sucks.

Airies

Velvet, you are a spring chicken compared to some of us. Some of the most innocuous movements can result in some nasty injuries. I don’t know how often I’ve almost tripped over my little dog. He is quick and agile.Hope you recover quickly.

Quirky I was out of pocket for$500 and my health fund covered the rest. It’s a month inpatient program but I can take leave on weekends and medical appointments. In regards to cost for the month it ran into tens of thousands of dollars. Needless to say my health fund is operating at a loss with me.

quirkywords

Aries you must have a great health fund. I hope month helps you.

asdff

Hi Quirky, Velvet, Airies and those reading along, it has been a long week. Who else gets super cranky when large Bills come in? I certainly do. I know I should be grateful that we have a house so the rates Bill came in. At the same time registration for two cars and insurance for one came in. These are huge outgoings. It irks me when they come in. If it was up to me I would spread them out over a few months.

Velvet I hope your pain eases. My partner has been going to Physio, his injury will get better it’s just a time and exercise thing.

Airies, I hope you are getting something out of being in the ward. I went to write in the lab, it is like a lab. We experiment with what works and what doesn’t work. Our disease is a beast, it creeps up on when you think you are doing okay. Then damn! I’m not okay. Or like riding a bike, going straight going steady, then bam you hit a rock and fall off.

Quirky, congratulations on facing a fear. No one knows how you feel, except you. Others in the town have shared the experience but your journey is individual and I think you are very brave.

quirkywords

Asdff

Electrcity bill for one month is now more than 3 mths. Bills all seem to come at once.
I don’t feel brave I just want to cope.

velvetfaerie

Yay for health funds.... mines covering the chiro. Now my hips and spine are where they should be, (they wouldn't go back due to the swelling and oedema afrer the injury), I feel heaps better.

It's minimal discomfort in comparison and I've started greatly increasing my exercise again. Yes. Increasing. Chiro also used to work in the afl so I guess he's pretty clued on regarding sports stuff!!! Lots of long walks with the furry thing that caused the issue. He planned it I tell ya!!! I did a huge power walk and went and lifted weights yesterday. No issues. Slept like a log!!!!

500 bucks out of pocket for what your doing Airies is pretty good. Excellent even.

We have sunshine today and it's the best. About time.

Spring is here. ❤️

asdff

Hooray for chiropractor helping you Velvet!
Airies, you are getting value for your money there. Our private health is good. I’ve told them they should cover a psychiatrist as they cover a mental health hospital. I find paying out large sums of money triggering. I’ve had a panic attack at the front of a surgery before and then raged the whole way home. Lucky my husband paid the bill. I told you guys about the number of bills paid last week, I am on the edge I am better than I’ve been in the past but I will do silly things. Like think I need to look for work. Which yes would keep my mind busy but I would break down on a regular basis. Surprise surprise I was cranky at dinner time.

quirkywords

v so glad the chirp has helped you

quirkywords

Grr to post being sent early .
asdff your insights into your behaviour is very helpful.

velvetfaerie

Did I mention my chiro has a brilliant sense of humour and is..... rather attractive?

That helped too. 😂