This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Hey V, great news about the pooch being officially yours.They are always up for a walk.

Asdff can relate perfectly.The cycle goes on and on. I try and roll with it. Sounds like I have the answers not. My physical issues are ongoing. I hate changes of routine . Daylight saving takes a bit of adjustment. I really have no get up and go at the moment.I was ok before my holiday, had plans post holiday and it’s all undone.

Quirky take it easy post Covid.Baby steps 

[quirkywords]

Everyone

I am going to blame post covid for all my lack of energy and motivation for next ten years. 

[Lisa611]

Hey All...Quirky give yourself time to recover. Velvet am glad you've taken action at work. Airies I'm with you one day at a time. Asdff school holidays are just about over. I've been going ok have been keeping myself occupied going out each day. I don't like to be by myself for long periods of time. I find that's when my thoughts turn negative. When I'm with other people I'm not that bad. In November I have to go into hospital for day surgery. I'm trying not to stress about it. It is what it is. I have to have a biopsy. Hopefully it will all be good. Wishing everybody a good weekend 🙂

[velvetfaerie]

Yeh he's my problem now ahhaah. The good thing is the rescue charity still support you if and when needed. So I'll support them back. 

Seems we have had a small positive change/move in right direction at work. I had a meeting with employee relations and clarified my complaint.

Looks to me that our management have been told to cut the you know what.

I've seen a change in behaviour and my colleague has as well. Very long story. 

All I want is transparent fairness. Discussions. You know, what grown ups do? Ahhaa.

I've been down a learning rabbit hole. 1920s. History. Art deco design and architecture. Very interesting stuff.

[Airies]

Velvet I like following Hollywood stars, pictures from yesteryear from where I live on FB. Then being the way I am continue to get more facts. Great time waster but great to learn about their backgrounds and stuff

[asdff]

On the way down. School holidays are nearly done. Change in the routine has me feeling sick. I was psychically sick on a car trip today. Sometimes things become all too much. I knew I was on the way down this morning. Just like my family says my crash down into depression is quite spectacular. It’s never an easing into it. It’s more crash/plummet.   

[quirkywords]

Aries whenever I watch movies on tv I google the actors if I recognise them and giving a running commentary on the actors, the director , if movie is based on a book or true story. 
needless to say my commentary nit often appreciated , though I do keep it to dull parts of movie!!!!!
Lisa thanks for encouragement. 
Velvet  small move in right direction is a start. 

[Airies]

Asdff, I hope things pick up for you. I’ve made an appointment to see my psychiatrist. I want to try weaning of my meds. I’m ok but I want to try. If could be a massive fail but will be guided by her. 

[asdff]

Velvet, I am glad management you have the doggie officially.

Quirky, it’s bizarre how our brains operate. I can’t sit through a movie without thinking what else has this actor been in? 

Thanks Airies. I wish we had an off/ reset switch. I would be flicking mine once a week. Today I am grumpy. Kids are back at school tomorrow.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone 

I am trying to be positive but find some people are only happy when I agree with them. I have spent my life pleasing people and now when I want to make my own choices I am made to feel guilty.