This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Asdff

My parenting style I would have called fostering  independence but some may say I was lazy. I wasn’t but I wanted my children to learn practical skills. 

Asdff I see you being a very effective and kind parent. 

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone. 
People say be yourself but I have been searching my life to find the real me.

Since Covid I feel so different and am unsure of what who I am

How is everyone.?

[velvetfaerie]

I am lost and tired. But I am ok.

Nothing profound here. Submitted complaint re work. Others have as well.

So we wait.

I also seem to have a male friend who is way too keen on me. It's flattering but I'm not ready. It is terrifying. Guess that is what trauma does huh?

Hope you're all well.

[Airies]

I’m tired but ok. Ongoing medical appointments but that goes with the territory.it’s one day at a time. Busy in the city, school children, people and time of day couldn’t wait to get home. Hope everyone else is doing ok

[quirkywords]

 Velvet

I can understand you not feeling ready

Aries  tired but okish is my motto lately.

[Lisa611]

Hi All...I have been away for three days. I just got home. The change of scenery was good for me. I feel better. It was also nice to spend time with my partner. Usually I would just say I'm ok but today I would say I'm good. Hopefully I feel this way for the next few days. I hope everyone is plodding along ok. 🙂

[Airies]

Lisa, glad you had some quality time away with your partner.I spent some time potting some plants and that was enough. I wanted to cycle but the little switch in my head went off and junk food was my crux:(. Doing exercises for rehab. My body is stuffed but physio is positive. Daylight savings tonight so less sleep and adjustment for all. Hope everyone s travelling ok 😀

[velvetfaerie]

All ok here. I need a holiday but having responsibilities and no back Up, it's hard. I've been a bit tired this week due to all the walking and gardening. Only been to gym once. I might not even go today hahaah!! 

I didn't tell you guys about my dog. He's formally mine now. Last weekend we had a small drive and he enjoyed it. Not much anxiety. And I even was allowed to bath him without issues. Snacks and sedation worked wonders. Takes the edge off to help him learn its not gonna be a bad experience. 

My work complaint went to HR's director. Now employee relations have it. A little nervous but whatever. They are in breach of policy and legislation hence this route and we work it out before someone gets dragged to court. 

Apart from tired, and a little anxious I am ok. I know something positive will come out of this as its not only me making a noise. Even if it's a small step in the right direction. On Friday I think only 30% of the staff showed up to work. I didn't go above and beyond. Why bother? 

Dog is harassing me for a walk right now. It's very windy though. Neither of us enjoy the windy conditions. 

Asdff - I hope you're surviving the school holidays!? 

[asdff]

I hate the big high and the big low that comes with bipolar. I ha d a high last week; running around doing all of the things. Then today mood change or perhaps it was coming yesterday? The dip in mood floors me. Time and time again. We might get better at detecting the shift in mood but there is nothing we can do to prevent it. Velvet, School Holidays are exhausting. Entertaining my two, then sometimes a friend or two. The start of the School holidays brings dread, as it’s a change of routine. I hope others are okay. I really want a sleep, I woke up too early this or rather the rubbish collector woke me up! 

[quirkywords]

I don’t think I was prepared for post covid fatigued. Been 3 weeks and  I am exhausted worked 7 days voluntary work and helping   others at a market. If I stayed bed I would still feel tired.

velvet I hope things change at work even if it seems slow. 
asdff, wish you all the best. I liked school holidays in one way as it meant nit having to be up early and we would have Pajama  days .

school holidays meant lots of trips to a hands in science museum, parks, picnics and friends. When they were in high school that wanted to do. Things that didn’t involve me!,,