This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Sophie_M]

Dear velvetfaerie, 

We are sorry to hear that you are feeling as though people think you don't exist. That sounds really hard. We are glad that you have come to the forums and shared these feelings with us. We're sure others can relate to them. We hope posting here also helps you to feel a little more noticed. 

Please know that you are always very welcome to contact our confidential support service on 1300 22 4636 to talk these feelings through. We have counsellors working 24/7. 

Please continue to post as you see fit. You don't have to go through this alone. 

[velvetfaerie]

My parents are stubborn though Quirky.

Nothing wrong with keeping realistically healthy.

I guess, sadly, I'm used to it. It does get hard though.

[Doolhof]

Hi velvetfaerie,

Sorry to read you have been alone so much. I know it is not the same thing as human contact, but do you have any pets?

It can be deflating when we reach out to help and assist others but they don't seem to be able to see our needs as well.

I volunteer in a home for the elderly and really enjoy the company of the residents. Even though I have a husband at home, we live quite separate lives and feeling alone is something I recognise even when he is here.

On a lighter note, someone mentioned picnics. I was out with a friend recently, we were going to have a picnic, but it rained, so we ate in the car at a park. That too was fun.

[velvetfaerie]

I have a foster pooch. My corella flew over the rainbow bridge a couple of months ago which I'm still really sad about.

My foster pooch is long term. He will probably stay. He has his own doggy psychiatrist now and medication. I learnt 3 days ago he was indeed mistreated. That's not what I was told by them but his behaviour told me. It was all one huge massive failure of communication from the rescue organisation. Very bad when it comes to welfare!!

So his behaviourist and my psychiatrist are around the corner from each other ahhaha. I found that funny.

I understand how the whole trauma and anxiety thing works. So I've been told I'm the perfect carer for this dude.

I honestly can't understand how people can be so nasty to animals. 😞

Being alone is the pits. Feeling alone with someone is very hard too. I've been there too.

Carpark snacks are a worthwhile thing!!!!

[quirkywords]

dools

I too know how lonely it can feel when you are with someone. Car picnic sounds great.

Velvet glad your dog is getting the care he needs and you would be a wonderful person for him.

Still raining and cool here waves to everyone.

[asdff]

Velvet, I felt your pain in what you wrote. Feeling alone. Wanting/needing to care for your ageing parents. We are here to chat with you and listen.

Me. It doesn’t take much for the pendulum to swing into depression. I had a sore foot yesterday’s I rested it no exercise. Little blip. Then something related to school for one of my children was brought up. I don’t want to go into it but it hurts and is triggering. I have talked about it with my husband and one friend via text. I hope to not be super down about it but judging on the past. I will down for a week or so.

[velvetfaerie]

I am alone though. I don't see anyone for weeks on end unless it's at work or the gym. No interactions there are personal or on a friend level.

Urgh nothing like one thing after another to kick you in the guts in life.

And we have Christmas drama to look forward to URGH

[asdff]

Airies in relation to your reunion and feeling like you are over sharing. I am fine with listening to trauma events. I have listened to a few war veterans telling me things. They go to my gym. For me personally, I am okay with listening, even when they create the visual of the events. I would not be okay be seeing the event. I.e. if it was shown on the news, the photos and video footage. I think in story format I can disassociate.

[asdff]

Velvet, you have joined a few social groups through social media, that is great. What about Meet Up? Or is that the one you joined? Do you see people down the park when walking the doggo? Or is doggo not interacting with other pooches? Our local park is a thrive of activity around 5:30/6 with dog walkers.

[velvetfaerie]

I have but they're for socially awkward people. Catch 22 isn't it? Hahah.

I have to keep doggo on lead and muzzled at the moment and not to interact with other dogs of unknown vacc status. Things should change soon. These are the rules from the rescue people. Liability stuff.

V