This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Aries my intermittent fasting went out the door today when someone brought cake to work. I decided given everyone else went to the pub and I couldn't due to visitors on site and having their babysitting thrown onto me that that cake was fair game.

I barely stopped all day. The rest went to the pub for 2hrs. I'm livid. 

I might develop a cough tomorrow.....

[Airies]

Velvet , I used to call them mental health days when I needed to get away from the place.

you motivated me to have another crack at intermittent fasting. day two so far so good. instead of breakfast I’ll go for a bike ride. apart from The slight headache all is fine.

Was constantly annoyed with family member sending numerous textS to family group. the constant pinging was driving me crazy . Not happy Jan

[asdff]

Airies and Velvet, I do intermittent fasting but only in the mornings before exercise. Velvet, yep that cake is fair game. As is the mental health day. Gosh the amount of things in your workplace you need a mental health year. Airies, we have some construction noise near us. I think it’s over a kilometre away but I can hear it!

Quirky, we are not lazy. We have sips in mood requiring rest. Well I do. It’s so exhausting being this way. I feel like I run around in circles. This week I have dealt with Government Departments and I must not be in the mood for it.

[quirkywords]

Aries Asdff and velvet thanks for your replies they make a lot of sense. 

[velvetfaerie]

My workplace, like the rest of higher education, is under parliamentary enquiry. There are calls for a royal commission as well. Watch this space. 

Some news broke on Thursday I had forgotten about as I knew about the investigation last year. Detectives interviewed my parents.

[velvetfaerie]

Airies. Oops. Give it a go!!! Nothing ventured nothing gained .... or lost. Ahhaa.

Keep going !!! Allow yourself a stuff up every so often too.

Mute the chat or the person. I love my mute buttons haaaah.

[asdff]

Do you get physical symptoms of your disorder? I get headaches and dips in energy. I am currently needed to sleep during the day, yet I find it harder to sleep at night. I was wondering I was having a mixed episode or maybe it’s a low and I have been able to manage it a bit more? I get sick of making mistakes, silly ones. Like putting a wrong number in a membership number. I’ve done that twice this week and it’s embarrassing. I do think it’s a sign of my disorder, rushing and inattention. I did go back and check that member number, then someone else pointed it out. 

[quirkywords]

Asdff

i relate to your symptoms. 
lately I have mislaid objects that had ten mins ago and then spent hours of my time and others. I convinced myself I had lost the plot.

when I am tired and stressed I have trouble getting words out and I feel himlisted when fellow vo,unteers find it amusing to make fun of me,! 
i rarely can sleep more than 2 hrs at once and 4 in total.

i am not a morning person.Thanks Asdff or your post. 

[Airies]

Asdff, relate perfectly. I often walk back and forth in an effort to complete a task, only to find misplaced items. It’s a tad embarrassing, happens more when I’m stressed. I think we need to be kind to ourselves and cut ourselves some slack. I hate filled out online medical forms.

Velvet thanks for the advice.,I think my not so subtle hint worked.

Intermittent fasting working so far , as well as logging food intake and excercise.

Weight is coming off and in that regard I’m happy. It’s nice to start my day with a bike ride.Kills a few hours.

[velvetfaerie]

I have to carry a list / notepad with me at work. Due to the nature of the work and the site if you walk a few hundred metres and forget what you were doing it can get annoying....... I will clock up 12k steps a day and that's without forgetting things and losing things.