This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

 Elvet

 Velvet 

 volunteer and all volunteers are over 50 some of the women like to gossip and dob and be bossy. There are also women deregulated women there who are fun and supportive. We are vo,unteers so a different dynamic to the paid workers.
Glad you are feeling better.

[velvetfaerie]

I have found with my experience in animal rescue that the volunteers there, (mostly women), have a point to prove and I was only seeking to rescue a pooch.

They put a dog into a kennel instead of allowing me to meet said dog out of sheer spite. My decades of experience,  numerous relevant qualifications and owning my own home with a good yard and household income. Her ego overshadowed the welfare of the dog. I was disgusted, had it all in writing and made it known to the applicable community how gross these people are.

[quirkywords]

How is everyone coping with the hot weather and festive season with unwanted social events. 

[Airies]

Oppressively hot here in VIC for a few days. Social events over. Highlight wa grand daughter’s first Christmas. I’m still limited in terms of what I should be doing but have been a bit naughty. Must be a bipolar thing when one can be a bit reckless or risk taker. New year will be in bed very early.

[quirkywords]

Aries glad you were there to share your granddaughters Christmas.5

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Has any one anything they want to change this year about themselves.

I want not to be so tired, to be more patient, to not be upset by things people say to me.

[velvetfaerie]

Yep. I've cut my parents off. 

I hit that point. No one understands.

Considering a hospital stay for a holiday 

[Airies]

Velvet, some people just don’t get it. Maybe a hospital stay for a reboot might help.

Quirky, I’d like to change some things. Looking forward to being able to go for walks and revisit my cycling.

I am tired of the constant mind games. The flitting from one thing to another and then back again is so so tiring. The broken promises to myself wear me down. I’m grateful to be alive.

[velvetfaerie]

And it's not a huge ask. Communication. They refuse. They refuse to look into the government assistance stuff due to means testing as well. *sigh* 

Broken promises to yourself wears you down? I understand this. Not giving yourself some grace. I'm not sure how I've managed to ease up on myself, but I have. Maybe I'm officially old and grumpy 😆 

I hope you get to walk or cycle soon Airies.

I have found a very local and free psych service. I'm visiting them in a few days. I submitted my form on Sunday and they called in about an hour after!!! 

[quirkywords]

Velvet I like that you have found a free psych service and it is local. Everything here has too many waiting lists and very expensive.

I don’t make promises to myself anymore that I can’t keep.

I don’t have high expectations for family or relationships. This way I do t get let down.