This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Where does the time go

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone.

i think many people have had a year of ups and down, health issues, world issues et etc.

Is Christmas a special  happy day or is it stressful or lonely.?

[Airies]

Hello everyone,

Christmas will be be extra special as grandchild and family fly in from overseas.Shes 6 months and growing fast. Recovery from surgery going well. It’s just slow. One of the cancers was aggressive so lucky they picked it up early. Leading up to Christmas at afterwards will be taxing in its own way but grateful to have family around. How are others doing?

[quirkywords]

6 mths is a great stage Aries.

is Christmas a hard   Time , a family time, or  another day.I don’t celebrate Christmas so it can be a lonely time with all the emphasis on food and presents and celebrations. 

on another topic, does anyone find their health goes down with little sleep. 
Kind thoughts to others. 

[Airies]

I have no problems sleeping but I’m still having nightmares which don’t go away. I might cut back on one of my herbal supplements to see if that helps. I’m sorry Xmas is a lonely time for you . 
take care and a hug from afar

[velvetfaerie]

Hey guys,

I've had some technical issues with viewing the thread!!! It seems I can now see most of the recent comments.

Pelvic floor exercises hey Airies? Is the recovery otherwise going well? 

I had my big operation in early may and I am now back to, if not better than, my fitness prior. It happens. It just takes time. Little bit at a time and in 6 months you'll be fighting fit again.  

Sleep, good sleep, is vital for health. Good food is too. Stress management is ALSO another factor....... 😉 

I am now on holidays, but I am working 2 days over the next 2 weeks. It's no biggy. 

The political and toxic aspects at work are still playing out one by one. 

One staff member who is complaining she has to do all the work, has also loudly said no one is good enough to help. The logic right? 

She is also partially responsible for 4 resignations in 18 months due to this attitude. 

The facts are, plenty are very capable, qualified, experienced and registered in this field. She feels threatened by others capabilities so she plays this game. She also has been given a lot of rope.............. 

Create a storm and then cry when it rains my dear. The lack of self awareness is astounding. 

[velvetfaerie]

Oops. Quirky = I don't care for Christmas really either. I'll go visit my parents and maybe a good friend and that's it.

The extreme capitalism of it all I find distasteful.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

Thanks for your post. I think taking time to recuperate is necessary after an operation.

velvet getting more than a few hrs sleep a night is something I I have tried for many decades. 
Thinking of everyone reading. 

[Airies]

Hey Velvet, great to hear from you. If I overdo things and I do I feel it, but it’s all going well. I just didn’t realise how big it would be. Maybe a bit of self denial about the whole thing.Good to hear you are fighting fit. Those endorphins are the best thing out. My health fund has stopped providing cover at a private clinic I have attended many times. My last inpatient stay resulted in a $28,000 bill with $500 from me and that was for a month. I’m just hoping I’ve made enough progress to negate another admission. It had been 6 years since my last.

Velvet I love your logic you make so much sense. I don’t miss the work environment one bit, all that chest beating, the mind games, bullying and so on.

Enjoy your break, do things that you enjoy. 

[velvetfaerie]

At least the health fund covered that much for you. My surgery cost about 30K and my out of pocket was 750. No complaints!!!

Don't let your denial lead to further injury. Steady steady!!! 

3 people now have commented how much healthier I look and seem. 

Work = well, depending how I play things financially I won't have a mortgage for much longer. This gives a decent amount of freedom. 

Chest beating hahahaha. Well, I must say, the women are the nastier ones. The gents I work with are the far more reasonable and down to earth ones!!! Perhaps it is because all the managers are women. 

I am very glad to see my boss having boundaries.  Imagine being expected to be available 24/7 by personal phone, whether on leave or not, no on call pay, and not on a huge wage for her expected responsibility.