This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

I had a nightmare on Thursday night.

I dreamed I was pregnant. 😂😂For me that is a nightmare and impossible!!! 

I shouldn't joke about nightmares because I do understand how really bad one's can have a huge affect on people. 

Anyway, not much going on around me that's notable. Ah, well, my dogs coming off his meds. He's done so well we can now start to taper off and watch and see. Something everyone here can understand I reckon.

[asdff]

Hi, Again apologies for not responding to everyone, it’s that time of year. Busy and it’s only going to get busier. We have a funeral to attend tomorrow and we had one last month too. Do all of us bipolar people find funerals draining? 

[Flint80]

Hi All, 

I want to begin with, I have not been diagnosed with bipolar, I am in a process and it has been suggested by my psychologist.

I have been diagnosed as depressed and for years I have been taking SSRIs with varying results. I would like to share with you all what a depressive episode is like and it would be really helpful if someone or some of you gave your opinion, as tbh I am feeling pretty alone and don't think I am getting answers to the questions I am asking. 

So, it starts like when I get a cold as it just comes on, usually something triggers could be a significant event, it could be a smell or a sound. Noticable physical effects include continuous adrenaline through the body whilst I am awake, nausea on occasion and fluttering in the chest. I will predominantly be depressed and with that a good dose of guilt and anxiety, obsessive thinking which could be about pretty much anything that flies in the funnel, lyrics to a song or a person, that runs through my head over and over again without stopping. Sometimes the thought of suicide has crossed my mind ( I have seeked help when I have needed it). I get tired and cannot get out of bed in the morning, I disengage with people,cry heaps and what I can only describe as feel like I am under water, living in my own space, unable to see or hear people properly even though I can fully understand and respond. Then there the highs, triggered usually by a song,stimulated senses,exercise or people. The highs are like coming up on drugs, the adrenaline turns into rushes going up my spine and through my head, I become super energized, alert and when I am on my own, my imagination goes into hyperdrive to a point that I actually believe I am amazing and everybody is in awe of what ever I am doing at the time. I think about scenarios where I am lauded by everybody for what I do or that people think I am the best looking person, I become important and a celebrity. This doesn't affect my day to day because once I am back around people or in a real life situation, I kind of come down a bit, however I will ride on the wave for a fair while after be super engaged in people or what they are doing. Like I say though predominantly I am depressed. These episodes last for a few weeks up to probably about a month then like that they just go and I feel ' normal'. I will reflect on this period mainly with denial, like oh it must have been caffeine that set me off, or well it's just an over active imagination but lately this high feeling in particular has got stronger. 

Any sort of feedback on personal experience would be amazing,like I say I feel pretty alone and kind of frustrated at the mo.

Thankyou all 😊 ( sorry it's such a long post)

[Lisa611]

Hi All...just checking in. I've been busy at work. Saw my psych yesterday. He doesn't want to see me till Feb. Am going on a 2 week cruise to New Zealand just after Xmas. Have been reading everybody's posts and keeping up to date. Waves to all 🙂

[quirkywords]

Flint 80

welcome to the forum and thanks for writing this thread. People experience bipolar differently. I can rea let go highs feeling like one is on drugs and tbe vo,d symptoms before depression. Have you seen a psychiatrist and explained the symptoms like you have written here. 

This is a friendly thread snd feel free to post whenever you want to 

[quirkywords]

Lisa thanks for your update. The cruise sounds good.  I imagine this time of year is busy. 

[asdff]

Flint, I have deep depression and can’t move at times. I am not able to shower, brush my hair or brush my teeth. Lately I’ve been okay due to having the right mix of medication, thanks to my GP. Even the new psychiatrist I saw thought my GP was amazing and got the medication right. Initially the mood stabiliser was prescribed by my first psychiatrist, unfortunately he retired so I went through the process of seeing another one. After seeing this new psychiatrist she said I am not seeing new clients. So now I have no psychiatrist. I thought the second one was wasting my time. I see a psychologist monthly, sometimes fortnightly. I am aware I am very lucky to receive regular therapy sessions. Enough waffling from me.

How are the rest of you going? Airies, are you doing anything hobby related? Quirky, are you still at the Op Shop? Lisa, enjoy the cruise. I can’t wait to hear about it. Velvet, how is the doggie going?

[Airies]

Hi Lisa , you will have a ball on the cruise..Enjoy.Ive had deep depression, had all the counselling in the world, treatments, admissions and now I find it hard to show emotion, cry. It’s my meds but there’s no real alternative. 
Asdff, there’s big cracks in the mental health system. Keep plugging away to find a psychiatrist.im tinkering around the garden. Apart from that love affair with food continues and keep on drawing a line in the sand for a number of things to no avail.

V, is this the rescue greyhound? or am I right of mark. Life improves with a pet.

Quirky how are you doing?

It feels like Winter here.

.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone ,

 aries I cry a lot over little things and for big things have nothing left. I feel my medication numbs me at times or makes me more emotional.

• Asdff I have not see a pyschiatrist regularly for 3o years but saw one at black dog about ten years ago. If you leave in a country town it is nearly impossible to get a gp let alone a pysch. 
  i wish you well. 
  I am still at op shop volunteering and have  friends there’s but it can be stressful.

[Airies]

Quirky, hat off to you coping ok. I’m with you regarding the numbness but that’s the way it is. My Psychiatrist is brilliant . Doesn’t mince words.