This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[randomxx]

Thanks for that quirk and yeah we always are and she always knows that.

What l meant though and what l'd like to ask yourself or anyone else here too actually though is-

Are there any things we can do or say to help her not get as manic or go racing off days on end and winding up God knows where ,no sleep or doing God knows what or as you mentioned taking risks ldk - all of it ?

l don't know if anyone else here listens to anyone once they get manic but she won't and at her age now we don't wanna be telling her what to do but she can't really see what she doing - or something, as you and others describe quirk.

lf she's with me on a good day l can talk her into just stopping for a bit or slowing down or getting some rest, but usually not for very long and she'll be racing of again to somewhere or someone or god knows what or where.

l just wish there was some way to avoid everything she's been through other times and slow her down.

Or at her age now does it have to be her that learns how to manage herself?

Ex , her mum , was just sayin to me today that she's just so tired now that she feels all we can do is just be here but the rest she'll have to learn and to start managing herself.

Trouble is , from this last few wks, l can see now she isn't ready for that yet.

[Airies]

Rx, I was diagnosed in my early 50s and prior to that ADHD.When I was mani I was manic. Even with medication  I spiraled. I was in a bad place for a long time.Its taken lots of therapy, other treatments and medication to keep me on the straight and narrow.

It’s a hard one, hopefully with. Good psych and your daughter recognises she needs help along with medication. I’m no expert.its been a long road travelled and one I will continue to travel.

i don’t think I’ve helped you at all.

[randomxx]

Thanks for that airies and sorry to hear of your struggles.

Problem is she won't go near the MH people here any more and l don't blame her they were useless but the trouble is it's all connected up where we are so you just get the same crowd no matter the area.

But we're hopeful about the future when she moves or when/if she does want to in finding somebody else one way or another.

She's still very anti med atm but she has been eating right and getting sleep so that's been helping a lot. So we're hoping to that when she starts working again or gets onto a course burning off some mental energy and some steady stability, she settle down further .  She has so much time on her hands atm has since all through covid - so all this energy but nothing burning it off where as earlier through school and then working later on too she was usually very steady soooo, we see l guess.

All the best , rx.

[quirkywords]

Big hello to everyone..

How do,people react when others tell them to always be positive and look for the positives in everything even when one is struggling.

I wonder what is wrong with being realistic not negative . this tendency to deny one’s pain and alqways be positive I can think get just repress one’s feelings. Any thoughts.??

[randomxx]

l agree quirk , think it's a load of babble myself.

We can't be positive all the damn time it's not natural we were given a personalty and emotions for reasons.

But l also don't think it's healthy either bc emotions and feelings are natures way of working through things and as you say reality. Not to say we should let ourselves be in doom and gloom over anything but when something is real for me anyway, it'll only bite me later if l don't work it through.

[randomxx]

Mind you , just imo , l wouldn't call it positive thinking more just a to hell with it thing really.

But about 6-7 yrs ago , there was so much crap going on for me l started to think ok , hit me with it , whatever , l don't giva shyt any more , and this was following divorce and still part of the hardest period in life l've ever had. Stupid things were going wrong mth after mth it went of for yrs.

l actually started laughing at it and l'd think yeah yeah yada yada that'd be right  making jokes to myself about all the absolute bs that just kept on comin. l'd think ha, whatever, lf l end up on the street or this or that turns to crap so be it l don't care any more.

lt wasn't thinking positive l was just past giving a damn any more basically , such stupid things just kept on happening well, l just though to hell with all of it.

lt was genuine , l wasn't trying to be this or that , l was just fed up butttt. lt accidentality turned out best attitude l could've had and really helped get me through those yrs and many parts of life to now still actually.

rx

[quirkywords]

Hi Aries, Asdff, Velvet, Lisa, Laundrylady, random and everyone reading, Susie rose how are you going ?

I realise than many decades of restless sleep takes it toll mentally and physically.

Rx I know after the fires I was told to be positive and more bad things happened sonI said ok what else will be thrown at me. Nit positive but I knew I would cope in my own way . Think everyone here is a survivor.

[Airies]

I’m sort of bombed out by my nighttime meds and herbal meds.I suffer from nightly dreams/ nightmares.  I struggle to keep positive due to the passages of time and the toll physically and mentally. I struggle to do anything physical but try. I agree we’re all survivors but it’s a constant battle. Hope everyone’s ok 

[asdff]

Hi all, Sorry I’ve been absent. Life has been busy. I will try and catch up and reply to all. Airies, my heart goes out to you. Nightmares suck. Always here for you. 

[quirkywords]

Aries I can relate to nightmares broken sleep and the toll it takes. I love walking but I get slower and slower. It is a struggle but unless you understand others don’t get how hard we try. I am with Asdff and are here for you.