This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Thanks Lisa for your update.

Glad you are resting in the holidays. 
how did you feel about the last term.? 
How are you getting on with the principal.

[Airies]

Lisa, 

we did a cruise to NZ in Feb. cruising through the Sounds was amazing. Nature at its best. Unfortunately we were both struck down with Covid and spent the remainder locked down in our cabin. On a plus side we’re off on a cruise to South Australia later this year using credits. Hope you enjoy your cruise. Love cruising btw.

[quirkywords]

Aries 

I have never been on a cruise.

[laundrylady]

I am introverted so a cruise is something I have not done. The poor sod that goes over board, that would be me trying to get away from the crowd. Have been doubting my diagnosis lately. Sometimes I think the medicos missed the red flags and I was diagnosed on a whim. I sat with a professional for one hour and he got 6 points wrong in my history. This doubt has all come about because I don't want to have blood taken again. No meds then no blood test. Anxiety is my major issue and of course it is depressing. I am very lucky to have a better half who is willing to support my opinions. He says I can choose as long as I'm honest about it. what a gem

[velvetfaerie]

Lisa, I am not perfect with the headspace but I've been learning a lot about myself and how to work with what I can.

I desperately need a holiday away. I mean a once in a lifetime holiday. Last time was 12 years ago.

Stigma is still alive and well believe me. I've been on the rampage at work re their BS and stigmatising things they don't understand nor care to educate themselves about. I hate it when they publicly claim being woke yet they're as bigoted as ever. My colleagues are awesome though. Management and the executive, PFTTT!!!

[Airies]

Hi folks, just about to see my psychiatrist. I’m tired of being so full on. Social media, Instagram , Facebook constantly researching . Time waster and also frustrating. I’m tired of being blah , if that makes sense. I wish I was on the meds a number of years ago. I was flying mentally and physically. I’m ok. The lack of excercise, long recovery and love affair has caught up with me 

[randomxx]

What can l do ???

Hi everyone , my daughter's 22 and she seems to be entering manic again, just don't know what else if anything l can do or say to reach her this time.

l started a thread here 12mths back not one reply , could not believe it, yet someone else started one about his son is his 30s now and has help pouring in,go figure.

She moved back to her mums 8mths ago after something happened for her and went into bad depression. Her mum went through hell supporting her but now she's come out of it and early signs of manic are showing again.

She was more aware over this last yr or so as she got older and watching diet, getting better rest and l'd hoped she might not let herself slip back into manic next time but all that is in the process of being thrown out the window again now as she's winding up.

She won't take meds and had a terrible run seeing MH who were pretty well useless so she has zero faith in them anyway now and as she winds up we can't tell her anything anyway.

She drives and if we push it she'll just take off to friends or often people she doesn't even know.

She was talking about moving back to mine this morning and l'd love to have her but if it's going to be in manic again don't know if l can go through that again.

Her mum and l aren't together any more but we've still always worked together right through for our d but this- again-  it's really knocking the both of us.

Anything appreciated .

rx

[quirkywords]

Rx 

I remember reading about your daughter last year in your own thread and I think I commented. Sorry if I missed your thread. 

I was in denial  from 16 to 32 and would not take med and  thought everyone had a problem
rx with me I thought the depressions were my problem yet I felt highs were wonderful. It took me years to realise the highs were my problem as I ruined my reputation with my risk taking et ,

Sorry Rx I know this is not helping but it was my reality. When fami,y tried to tell me I was high I bit so angry with them. 

I remember  thinking my mum wanted me to be depressed. Years later I realised she knew where I was when I was depressed sitting in the couch eating but when high I could be out in the early am with strangers or maybe get in a coach and travel to anywhere in Australia. 
she didn’t want me sad she wanted me safe. 

when I was high  I felt family  did not want the me to be happy as I had no idea the chaos I caused and how exhausting  I was.

I suppose if you can talk to her before she the mania takes over and maybe. I gradually learnt not to be seduced and deceived by my highs. 
Hopefully others here will be more helpful. 
quirky 

[randomxx]

Hi quirk and thanks for that , sorry l missed your other reply.

Tbh , l've never been sure she actually is bp despite a diagnoses. She did get manic after leaving school but she was also just going a bit wild after 14yrs of school but being so young was pretty naive and later got deeply deeply hurt.

she went into deep depression for the first time ever but for very good reason before that though was always very stable and self assured growing up.

But very sadly she later got v hurt yet again , depression , and now finally out of it once again .

So we can easily explain any depression and even going too far first yr outa school in naivety and all , head full of ideas.

l'm afraid though this time it is looking like the beginning of manic . We could talk to her and have many times over the last few yrs through different fazes and helped her no  end. She's highly intelligent and has said herself if she ever does feel manic coming again then she wants to slow herself down do all the right health things and reign it in.

She's also a lot more matured now buttt, unfortunately it might be getting the better of her again and so just of this last wk or two , any gentle suggestions are beginning to be pretty well just brushed off atm now.

What did your parents do , was there anything that helped ?

[quirkywords]

Rx I think knowing that your mum or dad is on your side and is there to support you and not judge you really helps. Now as opposed to 50 years ago there is more understanding and information. 
Inthink I was seen as damaged when all I wanted is fir someone to see me a confused teenager  who need support and hug. 
your daughter is lucky to have you and her mum. 
She may not seem as though she appreciates you but she does as she knows you are her safe place.