This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Sounds promising but uncomfortable Airies!!! Progress is progress at least. Fracture hey? Yeh I've done that and kept on going until the pain was too annoying. A wrist and a rib. Hahaha. 

The job I applied for, that organisation has heaps of jobs up. Seems half this place has applied to head over to them.

Amusing. 

Bills. Suck. The inflation and using covid as an excuse doesn't wash with me in most instances. It's pure greed and making the cash before it crashed down. Ecconomies run in cycles. I am lucky I understand needs vs wants. I work with a pack of folks who've come from privilege. They know nothing of going without / making hard choices.

Especially when the big earners don't share overtime equitably.

[Airies]

Asdff, you’ve made me smile, Thankyou. I’m still getting used to the new format

.. V I fell off the bike early April so we will see what happens. I can’t ride for a couple of days and I do need my excercise bigtime.

Lisa, Greece and Italy , lucky daughter I’ve been watching Joanna Lumley on ABC Iview as she travels to Rome, Paris and Berlin, a great watch.

V I hope they snap you up.I’m sure your work ethic and experience will hold you in good stead.

Quirky I’ve managed to get past the first chapter. I still think physical books are better as opposed to little glitches with E books,

I’ve got the dog in my lap, my little four legged heat pack,

[velvetfaerie]

I need that job. I am sick and tired of being gaslit by my workplace. Someone told me off today and I had to own it yet I ponted out anyone can treat me any way they like and when I point it out it's "my perception". I told her not to gaslight me. The policies and laws are there for all not just the managers to twist and interpret to suit their own agenda. I've spoken to people at work and in health and wellbeing and IT WILL NOT CHANGE and there is zero accountability for managers. HR enables it. I even have piles of evidence and yep, it's my perception.

I'm done. I am absolutely done. I am considering just resigning and surviving on savings for now.

They are psychologically abusive and they get away with it. Have done for 15yrs. Legislation doesn't mean a thing. 

[velvetfaerie]

Sorry. Airies - wow so they took that long?? I hope you get a resolution. I need exercise and I wanted to walk the dog. It's raining heavy here at the moment. 

I need a holiday. I haven't been away in a decade. People with privilege have zero concept of this. I'm sick of their judgement without actually knowing me. 

I fell apart. How can you fight injustice when they are so corrupt???

[quirkywords]

Velvet

That is so sad that people treat you so patronising and gaslight you. I am glad you can be assertive and I do hope you get a job of your choosing soon. 

[asdff]

Velvet, can you take a day or two of stress leave? They aren’t treating you well.

I feel like I’m moving but the brakes are on. I feel like I could vomit at any moment. I do have a bit going on and had a small cry earlier. Stress and bipolar don’t mix. I’ve had something added to my plate and I have to be somewhere tomorrow after my psychologist appointment. It’s a lot of rushing around, along with proving I’ve had Covid vaccines, flu vaccine blah blah blah. I could do without the rushing. 

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I agree stress and bipolar do not mix but trying to explain that to my dear ones,

is an uphill battle. i feel like there are tears just under my skin. It I keep smiling and telling people I am fine. PP,present partner, keeps letting me down and gaslighting .

I am like a rat in lab on one of those circle things but never getting anyway. 

[Airies]

Excercise levels down this week. Still waiting for my bike to be fixed. On the couch, blanket , dog , heater on and still cold. What an old fart haha. At least the days are getting longer. Partner and I adjusting to her retirement. She is not missing work at all.

As for me , here, searching the net thinking things out to the longest degree. Words escape me with that one. Im finally reading an E book as the dogs ear flicks my finger.

[Lisa611]

Hi All...Velvet keep applying for new jobs. You have skills and experience. Surely there is something out there.

Asdff, Quirky and Airies I hope you are doing ok. I won't say great because I think to some degree we all struggle. My daughter is now in Paris! Am looking forward to a quiet night. I had to be at work at 7.30 this morning which means I was up at 6...am feeling tired

[velvetfaerie]

No need for stress leave. I finally got to do some work today. I am getting sick again. Well, I get grazed by viruses but they're not knocking me down.

I haven't been to the gym this week because of it. 

Dogs are great. Mine is outside on the wet grass. He's strange. Well, so am I.

I really want to do more travel. What mostly holds me back is anxiety. Being so far from home. Flying. Of course the places I want to see are on the opposite side of the world.