This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lisa611]

Hi All...I had my last app with my psych of 23 yrs. I thanked him for mainly keeping me sane and stable. I see my new psych in a couple of weeks. The initial consultation is nearly $500 for an hour! Quirky I think people believe that you should be non stop crying if you're depressed. I don't have the stereotypical depression symptoms so picking it up is difficult. I withdraw and I lose interest in things but if you didn't know me you wouldn't think I was depressed. Am at the hairdresser getting a trim and colour. Am going to see the Elvis movie tonight.

[quirkywords]

Lisa 

I hope you connect to your new psych.

I was very quiet when depressed and loud when manic so people who met me once thought I was very quiet or outrageous. They made a snap judgment on one short meeting.

Let me know about Elvis movie. 

[asdff]

Quirky, their was a post on social media bout who looked depressed. Saying pick the person who is depressed. The post then went on to say, you can’t judge people on what’s is going on, on the inside. For me, sometimes it’s obvious I am depressed. I cry, I cry non stop. My whole face changes; puffy eyes from crying, no joking, I don’t talk much.

Lisa, I hope you find a new psychologist. I assume it’s that one and not a psychiatrist? 23 years is such a long time. I’ve seen my psychologist for 14 years and they will be coming up for retirement soon and I will be devastated. I see a psychiatrist, I don’t find him anywhere near as personable. 
How are you going Velvet? Airies, I wave at you from afar.

[velvetfaerie]

Been meaning to check in. Yes, depression doesn't look the same in every person afflicted. It's not like a broken leg. 

It's freezing cold and wet and miserable today. Don't like being stuck inside. 

My strength training is going very well. I'm reaching goals. 

I have 8 jobs to look at tomorrow. 1 I am definitely applying for and should be able to nail it. The thing is that employer is also full of politics. Most big time ones are.

I'm pretty content at the moment, but bored at work. I can't see how our unit is going to be sustainable long term. We have lost a bucket load of work. Sure, we have had 3 busy months but It's over now. The work isn't consistent the way it used to be. Maybe we will close or half the staff will go. Either way I'm just casually looking at other jobs, and doing my thing. Pondering a complete career change. 

I learnt today about the affects of alcohol. I mean, we all know it's not good for you but I wasn't aware of the full extent!! I removed the beer from my shopping list.

[quirkywords]

Velvet Thanks for your feedback. 
I hope you get the job you want. 

Big wave to everyone. Airies and Leisa and everyone reading just saying hello. 

[Lisa611]

Hi All...I thought the Elvis movie was good. The only actor I knew in it was Tom Hanks who played his manager. The actor who played Elvis did a great job. I don't think it was as good as Bohemian Rhapsody but I would still recommend it. My youngest daughter has just spent 2 weeks in the Greek Islands. She is now in Italy.  Hope everyone's had a good weekend 🙂

[velvetfaerie]

One I applied for I fulfil 100% selection criteria. It's a pay rise. It's more dynamic and exciting. Cross your fingers for me!!! 

[Airies]

Hello folks, Lisa glad you also enjoyed the Elvis movie.Hope you connect with your new psych. You will know if it’s the right fit and if not I hope you’re in a position to try another. I’ve a good one after a few duds and down the track will lean on her as I try a change with my meds.

Back from a foot and ankle physio. Waiting on a ultrasound and got more answers out of him rather then the runaround from others. Might be nerve damage or a fracture below the knee. Anyway we will see.

Velvet go get them and hope it goes well.Hopefully with your experience and expertise you will be snapped up.

Quirky , I’m onto my 5th E book. I’ve tried 5 books , 3-4 pages in I return the book and try another trying to get used to the format and my attention span

[asdff]

Everything is crossed for you Velvet.

Lisa, you lucky daughter. I would love to be somewhere warm. I would love to be on or planning a holiday. Not at the moment though; Council Rates, Car Rego and Insurance just came through. I just went out to check the mailbox. Can’t they just come in drips? The bills. 

Nice to hear from you Airies. I’ve missed you. 

Happy Monday Quirky. Are you watching anything exciting or reading something exciting? 

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone, 

Aries I cant read ebooks, hurts my eyes.

Asdff I like reading history and am reading about bursts and the Crimean war, so much more than Florence Nightingale.

Velvet  i have everything crossed. You would be an asset to any organisation.