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This bipolar life

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

10,842 Replies 10,842

People have such a misconception of what somebody with bipolar is like. I guess it depends on whether the condition is being managed or not. The media hasn't done us any favours. I know when I told the last principal I had bipolar her response was you've done well. I'm not sure what she meant by that. I think I do well working full time in a stressful job managing other teachers and teaching kids. I think I've done well to bring up 2 kids on my own. I think I've done well to be in a healthy relationship for the past 6yrs. I'm someone who has bipolar. I try not to let it define who I am.

Airies
Community Member

Lisa, You articulate it so well. I think you’ve ticked a lot of boxes and that’s not easy. I really like your last couple of sentences.
I’m in a good space, hope you and others are as well.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Lisa about 15 years ago I noticed that only way bipolar was respresented was in police shows where a person was shown as promiscuous or as a. dangerous violent person.
so if someone met me and only had these stereotypes as their knowledge of a bipolar person they would either run a mile ot want my phone number!!!

Things have changed but now people expect people with bipolar to be famous and or creative.

I think we all have grit. We all have many differing, varying, and equally impressive achievements.

I've been reading your posts.

I'm quiet because I've not been up to much really, and today I had another sudden and reasonably unexpected sad loss.

I was sent home from work today a little early because they can see how broken up I am. I barely spoke all day. Believe me, thats unusual.

6 months of heartbreaking losses. Grief. Processing abuse and trauma.

I kept very busy yesterday with heaps of garden work, some painting and dog walking. The painting was a small part of the house but it was very calming. Next I think is the bathroom!!!!

V

Velvet

sorry to hear about your loss. It has been a very demanding and challenging 6 months.
Glad you can keep busy. I suppose it is when you stop that is when the grief and loss overcomes you.

Velvet, so sorry to hear about your loss. You’ve been through the mill and you keep on rallying.
You and the rest of the crew here are an amaysing bunch.

More comfort eating, I hate that. I haven’t chewed my nails in weeks. I need them to play my Uke.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Aries

all my eating is for comfort,!!!

I was eating doritos in bed while reading your post. Hehehe.

Doritos yum.

Do you think it is possible to have too much fun one day the. The next feel quite low. Not a BP mood thing but just enjoying oneself then the next day feeling a bit slow and unmotivated. Sometimes I stop myself doing things I like so I don’t feel blah the next day.

Anyone relate?

I can absolutely relate.