This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Asdff, I must be channeling you. I couldn’t sleep last night, constantly looking at my watch and just had a nanna nap. A couple of days before I was in a foul mood, better half said go to bed, anyway took all my meds and ended up sleeping 18 hours.

Hope you sleep better tonight.

[Leisa68]

Hello all,

Airies I cannot believe that someone threw a full can of something at you whilst on your bike. That must have been awful. Some people. Wringer I know what it is like to have the stuffing kicked out of you. It's very hard, isn't it?

I've just been to see "Death on the Nile" the new movie. It was great, very decadent and I didn't guess the ending! I saw all the old TV shows with Peter Ustinov and Angela Landsbury when I was younger but still forgot the ending! This week is a busy one, I go with my club to see a movie about the artist Frida Kahlo on Wednesday lunchtime. She apparently had an awful life, but her artwork is amazing. Thursday is International Women's Day, but my club is celebrating it on Friday night with dinner and a talk from a former Afghan refugee about women's rights in refugee camps. We also get to meet three ladies who recently came out of these camps, it will be interesting to see how they are coping.

We have just had a huge storm here, the rain was rather heavy and the gutters are flowing again. I think people are a little worried about rain at the moment, it's good to see that so many people signed up for the Mud Army 2.0 to help.

Hope you are all well

Leisa

[Leisa68]

Hello all,

Airies I cannot believe that someone threw a full can of something at you whilst on your bike. That must have been awful. Some people. Wringer I know what it is like to have the stuffing kicked out of you. It's very hard, isn't it?

I've just been to see "Death on the Nile" the new movie. It was great, very decadent and I didn't guess the ending! I saw all the old TV shows with Peter Ustinov and Angela Landsbury when I was younger but still forgot the ending! This week is a busy one, I go with my club to see a movie about the artist Frida Kahlo on Wednesday lunchtime. She apparently had an awful life, but her artwork is amazing. Thursday is International Women's Day, but my club is celebrating it on Friday night with dinner and a talk from a former Afghan refugee about women's rights in refugee camps. We also get to meet three ladies who recently came out of these camps, it will be interesting to see how they are coping.

We have just had a huge storm here, the rain was rather heavy and the gutters are flowing again. I think people are a little worried about rain at the moment, it's good to see that so many people signed up for the Mud Army 2.0 to help.

Hope you are all well

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Wringer I can relate to starting over. I had planned on working in my shop till my 80s but that was taken away from me. Now I volunteer 5 days a week in two places and feel I have lost my purpose. I like volunteering but it is nit seen as worthwhile by some others.

That can sounds dangerous and I hope it was by a careless person and not meant fir you,

Yes my heart goes out to those affected by floods and war.

[velvetfaerie]

Yo. I've been reading. Not much to add except I hope you're all OK given some trials you've had recently.

Sleep fail had been my week. Won't bore you with the long story behind it. Typical human stupidity. 9rs sleep over 3 days plus having to keep adulting. Seems my message to them may have been understood.

Well, with the feeling like a failure, it was brought to my attention by the big boss on Friday that it's been noted I'm much more calm. Chill. Relaxed maybe? I suspect this is because I'm no longer dealing with the abusive relationship. I call that a win. Short, gaslighting, manipulate narcissists tend to muck your mind up. One is quite prevalent in the northern hemisphere at the moment!!!

Also my strength training is going well. I managed an exercise today very convincingly that I haven't been able to do in 23 years. So thats another win.

I've been learning about history today. Gone down the rabbit hole haha.

Thinking of you all.

V.

[asdff]

Oh isn’t that one in the Northern Hemisphere irritating Velvet? So convenient he has taken his mistress and children to Switzerland for safekeeping.

I’m glad that your mind is calmer.

[Airies]

Quirky, Starting over,over and over I do that every day. All goes well until about 3:00 pm and then I fall off the bandwagon. Great song Starting over by John Lennon on the Double Fantasy album.
V strength training something I’ve never done, you must feel so good after it.

Leisa 68, over the years I’ve had cds, beer and a bit of abuse thrown at me but must admit this was the scariest. Had it connected with my wheels who knows what would have happened.Anyway one more incident and I might give it away.

[asdff]

Re: Being woken up multiple times by the partying people. Well we all didn’t get to sleep. Old me would have gone out there and confronted them. Medicated me stayed in bed, thinking surely they are going to finish soon. It was actually in a hotel. Not our house.

[velvetfaerie]

Haha asdff.... he reminds me of my nex thing... nex as in narcissistic ex. Only the northerner has more intelligence, charisma and money. He's probably sociopathic tbh. Short. *,giggle**.

Some folks are very insular. I've had a bottle thrown in my direction in 2 instances over the years. One, I don't think it was at me. It was in a karaoke bar in our entertainment district. Was probably 23 years ago!!! I caught the bottle. Lightning fast reflex. My friends just said "whoa". I Bet I couldn't do it again!

That song Airies is indeed a great track.

The strength training is having a lot of unexpected benefits. Definitely worth while.

[asdff]

Sorry Airies I didn’t read about the can incident sooner. Gosh some people are assh@les. Think of the good people. I need my sleep too. Two terrible nights and I was ready to say to the party people ‘ I would like to send you over to defend the Ukraine’. That was actually going through my head. I was so cranky but like I said in the other post I didn’t react.